Turn on thread page Beta

How long does 'I need space and time' mean? watch

Announcements
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey,

    So, me and my now ex girlfriend broke up last week. It was really tough. She broke up with me saying that she no longer felt the same way and that she felt like she loved me more like a brother and that she felt like we had been married for years. Safe to say my heart was shattered. (We'd been together for 3 years).

    She said she needed space and time before being able to think about seeing me in person again and consequently has blocked my number and unfollowed/friended me on all social media. We were in a LDR so it's not even like I can go knock on her door.

    I'm just so confused -

    1. I told her that I wanted to be friends (I know it's a long shot - but we were great friends before we got into a relationship and I 100% still want her in my life some way.) , and she said that she wasn't sure and that she needed time and space... YET, the reason she's breaking up with me is because she now 'loves me like a brother'. So surely that contradicts the fact that she doesn't want to be friends? Do you see what I mean?

    2. We've spoken to each other every day for the past 3 years and now all of a sudden she has flicked the switch and completely cut me out! Is this normal? Is it fair? I don't understand - how can she throw away 3 years worth of a good relationship in a second?

    3. She said she needs time and space before talking to me again... How long is that!? I'd love to see her when she's back from uni at Chrsitmas. Just go for a coffee or something. Is that too soon?
    I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling because she's completely cut me off!!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe she knows how much you still love her and is actually trying to give you time and space.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    You said it yourself, that you 'want to be friends' with her so that she's still part of your life somehow and maybe there's a part of you that hopes that she will change her mind. It's natural to feel like this, particularly if she was the one that called it off.

    ...but don't do it. The truth is, the friendship won't ever be the same as before and if you're always wanting more then you're going to get hurt even more, until she cuts off contact for good. There won't be any real benefits to staying friends with her.

    What she's done is exactly what you need to do - block her, get rid of anything that reminds you of her and sooner or later you'll get over her. At the moment you're still hanging on, wanting to see her, hoping that she'll come around.. it's understandable/natural but you have to be aware that you should be working towards letting go of this attachment and getting over her.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    1. She has cheated on you and she is feeling guilty
    2. She likes someone else
    3. Someone influences her (someone who wants you two to break up)
    * I think "I love you as a brother" is just a s***ty excuse for doing something really bad and trying to hide it.
    Sorry if I'm being pessimistic but I don't really see any other reasonable causes.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,

    So, me and my now ex girlfriend broke up last week. It was really tough. She broke up with me saying that she no longer felt the same way and that she felt like she loved me more like a brother and that she felt like we had been married for years. Safe to say my heart was shattered. (We'd been together for 3 years).

    She said she needed space and time before being able to think about seeing me in person again and consequently has blocked my number and unfollowed/friended me on all social media. We were in a LDR so it's not even like I can go knock on her door.

    I'm just so confused -

    1. I told her that I wanted to be friends (I know it's a long shot - but we were great friends before we got into a relationship and I 100% still want her in my life some way.) , and she said that she wasn't sure and that she needed time and space... YET, the reason she's breaking up with me is because she now 'loves me like a brother'. So surely that contradicts the fact that she doesn't want to be friends? Do you see what I mean?

    2. We've spoken to each other every day for the past 3 years and now all of a sudden she has flicked the switch and completely cut me out! Is this normal? Is it fair? I don't understand - how can she throw away 3 years worth of a good relationship in a second?

    3. She said she needs time and space before talking to me again... How long is that!? I'd love to see her when she's back from uni at Chrsitmas. Just go for a coffee or something. Is that too soon?
    I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling because she's completely cut me off!!
    Maybe you were too clingy?
    Or she might be going through some kind of issue, or stress, or she needs time to find herself
    she also has probably been thinking about it for a while, she wouldn't be able to just make a snap decision, have you noticed any weird signs in the past month or so?
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Sorry to hear this. This sort of break up confusion is common. The explanations make little sense and the whole thing is incredibly hurtful. I've been there. The only thing to do is to let the dust settle, distract yourself and see what happens. I reckon the prognosis for getting back together is poor. Go for friends, beer, work, hobbies etc. and then see what Christmas brings.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    Wait for ehr to contact you. I briefly dated someone who after I told him I didn't want a relationship, wouldn't stop texting me. He could not understand why I wanted space at all. I had nothing to say to him.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    TSR Support Team
    To be honest you can't really be friends with an ex, at least straight away especially with the way you are feeling. All you can do is not contact her, unless she does get in touch with you.
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,

    So, me and my now ex girlfriend broke up last week. It was really tough. She broke up with me saying that she no longer felt the same way and that she felt like she loved me more like a brother and that she felt like we had been married for years. Safe to say my heart was shattered. (We'd been together for 3 years).

    She said she needed space and time before being able to think about seeing me in person again and consequently has blocked my number and unfollowed/friended me on all social media. We were in a LDR so it's not even like I can go knock on her door.

    I'm just so confused -

    1. I told her that I wanted to be friends (I know it's a long shot - but we were great friends before we got into a relationship and I 100% still want her in my life some way.) , and she said that she wasn't sure and that she needed time and space... YET, the reason she's breaking up with me is because she now 'loves me like a brother'. So surely that contradicts the fact that she doesn't want to be friends? Do you see what I mean?

    2. We've spoken to each other every day for the past 3 years and now all of a sudden she has flicked the switch and completely cut me out! Is this normal? Is it fair? I don't understand - how can she throw away 3 years worth of a good relationship in a second?

    3. She said she needs time and space before talking to me again... How long is that!? I'd love to see her when she's back from uni at Chrsitmas. Just go for a coffee or something. Is that too soon?
    I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling because she's completely cut me off!!
    Ouch, I'm sorry mate. It sounds like if you want any chance of even being friends with her, you'll just have to wait for her to get in touch. But I think it might be simple as she's gone and just made a crappy excuse to make it easier for her. :console:
    Offline

    20
    It means they need a TARDIS.
    • Study Helper
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Study Helper
    Welcome Squad
    (Original post by littlenorthernlass)
    It means they need a TARDIS.
    They want time and space, not Time And Relative Dimension In Space

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey,

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago now and I'm finding it so hard not contact her. I'm missing her so much. We were together for nearly three years. We've not spoken since the break up and I don't want to look like a desperate fool (even though I am one) by contacting her 24/7. But at the same time I'm missing her like crazy and I just want to know what she's up to and how she is etc. We've spoken everyday for the past three years so to go from that to absolutely no contact at all is extremely difficult.

    Any advice?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Its pretty hard but you just gotta man up and grow a pair. Mate told me the same thing 2 years ago when I broke up with my gf also of 3 years.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I miss my ex terribly. I hate having to adjust to life without him because I love him dearly and I had such fun with him. I'm very up and down- I sometimes come home crying. Other days I have a stiff upper lip.
    What can you do, eh?
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Well time and space are infinite allegedly...
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Let her be how she is mate, she could be trying to give you a bit of space to get used to life without her, not sure, ill hold it a bit if i were you
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Similar situation has happened to me. Today is the fourth day of no direct contact. Its killing me. I have messaged her friends though (which are mutual). Some days are horrendous. Today has been the worst. Feel so depressed and have been crying lots. Normally i hide my emotions quite well. Messaged her mum earlier just for some news about her which i regret cause it turned into an essay about how i want her back.

    Love sucks.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Try 3 months. I'm in two minds to just block her, I keep thinking about her. She comes online often then her friend comes online and vice a versa and it might just be easier on myself to remove every digitise part of her.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Until she has finished working out the speed
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Emily.97)
    I miss my ex terribly. I hate having to adjust to life without him because I love him dearly and I had such fun with him. I'm very up and down- I sometimes come home crying. Other days I have a stiff upper lip.
    What can you do, eh?
    Yep, it's pretty bad when you think of happy times and go to places that were special. But new love does come and things find their proper perspective.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 16, 2015
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.