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Nice guy? Wrong guy? watch

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    Met this guy on tinder about 2.5 weeks back. He is 26, and I am 22, and we have met about 4 times since. Since the 3rd time, we have already talked about going on a trip together this winter break (are we moving too fast??). He replies to all my text messages within a 5min timeframe and openly expresses how he really likes me and hopes I will never get bored of him. It's really cool that he doesn't play mind games. We have already talked about our exes, and he didn’t even freak out when I drunk texted him after the first date to tell him how I love him and that we should get married because we’d make beautiful babies. He’s really caring and gives me a lot of hugs and encouragement whenever I’m sad. He’s also already met my best friend who had a very good impression of it.

    Overall, he is almost perfect. However, there’re also points that I’m worried about..

    1) I’m studying abroad in the uk, and will be graduating in 1.5 years.. So a LTR is difficult unless he leaves with me. Currently, he is under the impression that I will be working in his country after graduating (shouldn’t have given him false hope)

    2) He is almost too nice. I have never met a guy who’s shown so much non-sexual affection towards me.

    3) BUT he does not pay for our dates and has never offered to help carry my shopping. He doesn’t open doors either. I’m not sure if I’ll be okay with this in the long run. I usually write guys off if it happens too many times, but he makes up for it (just barely) by being different. Will I be wrong in lowering my standards for him?

    4) He is rather self-conscious like me, and requires a lot of reassurances. My ideal man would have been someone brimming with confidence. His lack of confidence is sometimes a huge turn-off. But I think of my own constant need for reassurances and close a blind eye. But will two negatives make a positive?

    5) I don’t always get what he is saying. Maybe cause of the cultural difference? Not sure if it is due to a fundamental lack of chemistry.

    6) I don’t know if he is with me because he just wants someone. He has said before that he just wants someone to spend time and do stuff with. Does he really like me for who I am?

    7) Ironically, I do want him to want a serious relationship with me. I will not be okay with continuing to see him if he does not have this in mind. But as mentioned, he could just be looking for some company, and not a serious relationship.

    Please help. I don't know what he wants. I don't even know what I want!!
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    Imo too much self confidence is a turn off.
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    Why not ask him what he wants from the relationship? What's the worst that could happen
    • #1
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why not ask him what he wants from the relationship? What's the worst that could happen
    When we first spoke on tinder, he mentioned that he's looking for someone to spend time and do stuff with.
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    Let him know about your future plans
    Be clear with him that they could change
    I think u may be in love with the attention he gives you rather than his personality as you have critiqued him quite a bit here.
    Lack of confidence-->greater insecurities--->harder to trust people--->him being more suspicious during a LDR
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    (Original post by BlueReptiles)
    Let him know about your future plans
    Be clear with him that they could change
    I think u may be in love with the attention he gives you rather than his personality as you have critiqued him quite a bit here.
    Lack of confidence-->greater insecurities--->harder to trust people--->him being more suspicious during a LDR
    so true.. does feel like i'm not quite head over heels now. but i could see that changing after we've spent more time together. it takes awhile for me to fall for someone as i tend to overthink and question everything due to my insecurities. Not sure how he would react if I came clean with my future plans though! I'd slowly back away if he told me he wasn't exactly truthful.
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    If you have that many doubts/questions then it's probably not a good idea.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    so true.. does feel like i'm not quite head over heels now. but i could see that changing after we've spent more time together. it takes awhile for me to fall for someone as i tend to overthink and question everything due to my insecurities. Not sure how he would react if I came clean with my future plans though! I'd slowly back away if he told me he wasn't exactly truthful.
    Thats ok, if i were you id just enjoy the ride but im th kinda guy that soesnt like smothering sooooo
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    Are you entirely sure that you know what you want in a relationship? The perfect man seems to have fallen out of the heavens and straight into your lap, and you still aren't satisfied.

    You've met four times. You aren't going to be 100% self assured in someone's character after 4 meetings, give it some time
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    You could solve the problem of him not carrying stuff by just simply saying to him.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    You could solve the problem of him not carrying stuff by just simply saying to him.
    Don't want to force it on him though :/ Won't be be offended?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Don't want to force it on him though :/ Won't be be offended?
    Well all you gotta do is ask if you are struggling, just say can you help me with this etc.
 
 
 
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