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Help! Sometimes I feel really insecure about my relationship with bf watch

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    This has mostly to do with the fact that my bf is more of a traditionally attractive person whereas, i guess, my looks would be considered a bit more "exotic". I worry that I'm not slim enough or pretty enough. Lately I've really been fixated on the fact that I'm too curvy and not "flat" enough. When I say curvy, I mean curvy . Not fat. Think Katy Perry. While I do think my body type is attractive, I just feel like I need to be Flatter to fit in with the image of the kind of girlfriend my bf can potentially have. This might be a stupid analogy but it's the only one I can think of atm so here goes, I feel like my bf is Ken and instead of dating barbie, he's dating one of the bratz dolls. I feel like he's going to realise he wants a Barbie or something.

    I have spoken to him about this briefly before and he totally laughed it off. He was all like " you're so gorgeous and I love you " but he could've just said that cause, obviously, that's the kind of thing I'd like to hear. .

    How do I stop doubting myself?
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    I don't know how you can stop doubting yourself tbh.

    Try and stay safe in the knowledge that he's not dating anyone else, only you, and that must mean that you're attractive to him. I don't see how anyone that says they have a body like Katy Perry's can also be insecure about it too.

    I once dated a girl who got so insecure about her looks that eventually I had to break up with her. It wasn't because I was cruel or anything, it just got to the point where she was so caught up about her own looks that it completely interfered with the relationship to such a great extent.

    Insecurity is quite a big issue, and unfortunately I don't know quite how to solve it for you, it's very much something that you have to figure out for yourself.
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    (Original post by James Milibanter)
    I don't know how you can stop doubting yourself tbh.

    Try and stay safe in the knowledge that he's not dating anyone else, only you, and that must mean that you're attractive to him. I don't see how anyone that says they have a body like Katy Perry's can also be insecure about it too.

    I once dated a girl who got so insecure about her looks that eventually I had to break up with her. It wasn't because I was cruel or anything, it just got to the point where she was so caught up about her own looks that it completely interfered with the relationship to such a great extent.

    Insecurity is quite a big issue, and unfortunately I don't know quite how to solve it for you, it's very much something that you have to figure out for yourself.
    Hehe. I was just using her as an example cause a lot of people assume curvy=fat. I meant I have a similar shape. Anyway I like the way I look tbh but I just feel inadequate compared to my bf. I also feel like this something I only notice.

    Tbh sometimes I feel like the real problem is I can't truly believe that someone can love me even though I know he loves me. I feel like I need to be "perfect" to be loved. Of course that's a super silly idea. I'm actually happy most, it's just there's this niggling voice in my head that's like "sure he loves you" in the most sardonic voice
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    Most of the time people who describe themselves as curvy are actually fat. But if you have a body like Katy Perry than you shouldn't be worried.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hehe. I was just using her as an example cause a lot of people assume curvy=fat. I meant I have a similar shape. Anyway I like the way I look tbh but I just feel inadequate compared to my bf. I also feel like this something I only notice.

    Tbh sometimes I feel like the real problem is I can't truly believe that someone can love me even though I know he loves me. I feel like I need to be "perfect" to be loved. Of course that's a super silly idea. I'm actually happy most, it's just there's this niggling voice in my head that's like "sure he loves you" in the most sardonic voice
    Just don't let it affect your feelings for your bf, you obviously like/love him, and he obviously likes/loves you in return. Give it some time and settle down and hopefully your doubts will disappear.
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    (Original post by James Milibanter)
    Just don't let it affect your feelings for your bf, you obviously like/love him, and he obviously likes/loves you in return. Give it some time and settle down and hopefully your doubts will disappear.
    Thanks. I guess I need to chill and just be....he must love me if he says so right? I'm just going to stop being paranoid
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks. I guess I need to chill and just be....he must love me if he says so right? I'm just going to stop being paranoid
    I don't see why he'd lie to you.
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    How did you even enter a relationship if you don't think you're good enough? You need to work on your self esteem as like someone else suggested, it can come between having a successful relationship.
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    Don't let your insecurities ruin something good.
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    You should be happy. Some girls have never even had a boyfriend before (like me)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This has mostly to do with the fact that my bf is more of a traditionally attractive person whereas, i guess, my looks would be considered a bit more "exotic". I worry that I'm not slim enough or pretty enough. Lately I've really been fixated on the fact that I'm too curvy and not "flat" enough. When I say curvy, I mean curvy . Not fat. Think Katy Perry. While I do think my body type is attractive, I just feel like I need to be Flatter to fit in with the image of the kind of girlfriend my bf can potentially have. This might be a stupid analogy but it's the only one I can think of atm so here goes, I feel like my bf is Ken and instead of dating barbie, he's dating one of the bratz dolls. I feel like he's going to realise he wants a Barbie or something.

    I have spoken to him about this briefly before and he totally laughed it off. He was all like " you're so gorgeous and I love you " but he could've just said that cause, obviously, that's the kind of thing I'd like to hear. .

    How do I stop doubting myself?
    Just remember he is with you because he wants to be with you.
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    (Original post by Blaq_widow)
    How did you even enter a relationship if you don't think you're good enough? You need to work on your self esteem as like someone else suggested, it can come between having a successful relationship.
    Probably because she was asked. Not trying to do the whole "we have it worse" thing, but it's guys who are unlikely to get in relationships if they have very low self esteem. Girls just struggle in their relationships.

    Op, I'd say you need to think about why you're having such negative thoughts in the first place. I know it isn't always a great feeling seeing yourself as the "reacher" looks wise, but you've got to think that's only your perspective. Most people are more into their own insecurities than judging their partners.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Just remember he is with you because he wants to be with you.
    Thanks for this. I needed to hear this hehe
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    (Original post by Blaq_widow)
    How did you even enter a relationship if you don't think you're good enough? You need to work on your self esteem as like someone else suggested, it can come between having a successful relationship.
    Because I didn't have all these doubts before. Like I said I think I'm an attractive/fine person. It's when I compare myself with what could be that I get upset. I am happy with my self most of the time
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Probably because she was asked. Not trying to do the whole "we have it worse" thing, but it's guys who are unlikely to get in relationships if they have very low self esteem. Girls just struggle in their relationships.

    Op, I'd say you need to think about why you're having such negative thoughts in the first place. I know it isn't always a great feeling seeing yourself as the "reacher" looks wise, but you've got to think that's only your perspective. Most people are more into their own insecurities than judging their partners.
    Thanks I guess I am really the only one who's fixated on this
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    Maybe it would help if he complimented you on a regular basis? But if you have to ask for him to do that... then he's not doing it right.
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    (Original post by SeanFM)
    Maybe it would help if he complimented you on a regular basis? But if you have to ask for him to do that... then he's not doing it right.
    He does and most of the time I believe he's sincere but when I'm down it's like "of course he said that but does he bloody mean it". I know I sound like a crazy person with trust issues but I don't know what to do about them
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He does and most of the time I believe he's sincere but when I'm down it's like "of course he said that but does he bloody mean it". I know I sound like a crazy person with trust issues but I don't know what to do about them
    I'm not sure then, maybe given time you will fully put your trust into him as well as yourself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Because I didn't have all these doubts before. Like I said I think I'm an attractive/fine person. It's when I compare myself with what could be that I get upset. I am happy with my self most of the time
    There is a difference between feeling confident at any one point in time and having high self esteem. If you're opinion of yourself fluctuates based on comparisons with other women/people i.e. going from thinking you're attractive to questioning whether you're bf desires you then you have low self esteem. Some of the most attractive women can still suffer from this.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Probably because she was asked. Not trying to do the whole "we have it worse" thing, but it's guys who are unlikely to get in relationships if they have very low self esteem. Girls just struggle in their relationships.
    I'm not talking about extreme low self esteem. Many guys get by and enter relationships feeling like this too - I have dated a few guys who came across as confident at first only to reveal glaring insecurities. If anything men are much better at faking to make it than women.

    My advice comes from the fact that I dated someone who needed constant reassurance and was so consumed with 'what I thought about him' that he offered very little in the way of my needs and how I felt. It only causes frustration when you're always propping someone up and getting no support yourself. OP should consider ways she could be there for her bf rather than preoccupying herself competing with skinny girls.
 
 
 
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