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The ex watch

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    So my ex broke up about 3 months ago, it was relatively mutual - no cheating or anything bad, just the spark had gone and our feelings weren't the same anymore. She asked if we could stay friends.

    I contacted her a few days ago after not talking for 3 months. Just to see how she was, how her new job and new location was and to show there was no hard feelings. Also acknowledged my failings in the relationship.

    I got a pleasant and friendly reply, she's not doing so great but well enough (condensed version), she asked me how everything was.

    I replied a day later as I was busy with work and went out with friends after. Sent a nice friendly message, nothing about our past, I'm doing really well so it was a positive message but not I'm doing better without you sort of a thing.

    She's seen it and read it but hasn't replied in 4 days. I'm not going to push it but this is the first time I'm in this situation and was wondering why she might not feel like a friendly chat?

    Thanks
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    Perhaps just wants a slow move back to being friends, rather than straight away messaging everyday?


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    Maybe she doesn't want to talk?

    She'll reply when she wants to reply and/or finds the time to. Since you've been moved from the boyfriend position to a friend position she probably feels like she doesn't have to contact as regularly anymore. Maybe try again if you still want to talk to her and If she doesn't reply, let it go.

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got a pleasant and friendly reply, she's not doing so great but well enough (condensed version), she asked me how everything was.
    Sent a nice friendly message, nothing about our past, I'm doing really well so it was a positive message but not I'm doing better without you sort of a thing.
    Maybe it upsets her that you're doing really well since the break up but she isn't? She possibly felt you were bragging or what you said implied that you're better off without her, because girls get worried over stuff like that easily.
    OR
    She's just been busy. You can always send another message saying hi and see if you get a response?
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    thought this thread title was gonna be the title of a novel tbh
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    Very Important Poster
    Maybe she's decided that it isn't a good idea to stay friends with an ex and changed her mind, and/or when you contacted her some feelings started rushing back.
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    (Original post by Armastan)
    Maybe it upsets her that you're doing really well since the break up but she isn't? She possibly felt you were bragging or what you said implied that you're better off without her, because girls get worried over stuff like that easily.
    OR
    She's just been busy. You can always send another message saying hi and see if you get a response?
    I really wanted to make sure that the message I sent wasn't like that (had it checked over by both male and female friends who are more experienced with breakup) so I hope that isn't the case.

    Thank you or the other responses. We were together for 3 years so I hope friendship could be on the cards as she was a nice person - but I'll understand if she says she can't/won't be.
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    She's probably just having a think whether to reply/what to say back
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So my ex broke up about 3 months ago, it was relatively mutual - no cheating or anything bad, just the spark had gone and our feelings weren't the same anymore. She asked if we could stay friends.

    I contacted her a few days ago after not talking for 3 months. Just to see how she was, how her new job and new location was and to show there was no hard feelings. Also acknowledged my failings in the relationship.

    I got a pleasant and friendly reply, she's not doing so great but well enough (condensed version), she asked me how everything was.

    I replied a day later as I was busy with work and went out with friends after. Sent a nice friendly message, nothing about our past, I'm doing really well so it was a positive message but not I'm doing better without you sort of a thing.

    She's seen it and read it but hasn't replied in 4 days. I'm not going to push it but this is the first time I'm in this situation and was wondering why she might not feel like a friendly chat?

    Thanks

    Hmm that's tough, I can see your predicament. Perhaps she's not ready yet...Do you still have feelings for her? Or does she more like have any feelings for you anymore? Would you know?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really wanted to make sure that the message I sent wasn't like that (had it checked over by both male and female friends who are more experienced with breakup) so I hope that isn't the case.

    Thank you or the other responses. We were together for 3 years so I hope friendship could be on the cards as she was a nice person - but I'll understand if she says she can't/won't be.
    Having gone through a break up myself not too long ago...Can I just tell you from experience that it really isn't easy to be 'friends' after a long relationship (especially one that was 3 years) My ex wants to be friends but I know it's not possible because he still has feelings for me. Basically breaking up isn't easy. Perhaps give it a few more months...then down the line see how things are again...
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    In my experience when you check in with an ex you let each other know how you're doing and then one of you doesn't reply signifying end of conversation (Also leaving it whilst it's sweet.. these conversations can turn bitter no matter how decent the people involved) ...

    In my opinion I'm always thinking It's not a good idea to have a running stream of messages too close to each other can be weird to be back in touch like that and sometimes remind you of what you've been spending your time trying to forget...

    *edit*

    Also did you leave the conversation open or closed, i.e. did you ask about anything else in her life she didn't mention? OR did you finish off with a "Any way glad you're doing okay blah blah" that can be seen as a "close the conversation" technique.
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    Leave it at that.

    Why even bother being friends with an ex. Pathetic.
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    End of conversation, right? You didn't ask her any other questions did you?
    If so, she probably just doesn't want to talk.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really wanted to make sure that the message I sent wasn't like that (had it checked over by both male and female friends who are more experienced with breakup) so I hope that isn't the case.

    Thank you or the other responses. We were together for 3 years so I hope friendship could be on the cards as she was a nice person - but I'll understand if she says she can't/won't be.
    My girlfriend always tells me the past is the past and an ex is an ex for a reason, you may want to be friends with her, but after all that's happened it is really hard. Sometimes it is best just not to contact her and get on with your life.
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    (Original post by Sofiatrain)
    Hmm that's tough, I can see your predicament. Perhaps she's not ready yet...Do you still have feelings for her? Or does she more like have any feelings for you anymore? Would you know?
    I suppose you will always having feelings it someone you spent a large amount if time with. I mean I do wish it could have worked out but I have accepted that it hasnt.

    I can't really answer if she has feelings for me. She must have done at one point but I really don't know now. I think she probably feels guilty if anything as she had a habit of feeling quilt over quite a lot of stuff even if she shouldnt.

    I left it semi open. You could quite easily continue the conversation but I didn't end it with a question that needed a reply. It was more than I'm good thanks.

    (Original post by The Blue Axolotl)
    Leave it at that.

    Why even bother being friends with an ex. Pathetic.
    Because we are both decent adults. You don't have to hate your ex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)


    Because we are both decent adults. You don't have to hate your ex.
    I don't hate my exes lol... I just don't want them in my life.
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    (Original post by The Blue Axolotl)
    I don't hate my exes lol... I just don't want them in my life.
    You're right I'm sorry. I suppose on some level I do want her in my life. I mean we spoke nearly everyday for 3 years. I was in love for 2 years and well I miss her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right I'm sorry. I suppose on some level I do want her in my life. I mean we spoke nearly everyday for 3 years. I was in love for 2 years and well I miss her.
    Awww this is making my heart melt! #younglove <3
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right I'm sorry. I suppose on some level I do want her in my life. I mean we spoke nearly everyday for 3 years. I was in love for 2 years and well I miss her.

    But what is that "level", is it friendship or a relationship, because you certainly can't have both.

    You've turned into a new chapter of your life, embrace it and the loves you'll have next.
    • #1
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    (Original post by The Blue Axolotl)
    But what is that "level", is it friendship or a relationship, because you certainly can't have both.

    You've turned into a new chapter of your life, embrace it and the loves you'll have next.
    Cliche I know I thought she was the one, she asked me out, she said she was happy and content but not in love. Said I'd done nothing wrong.

    The breakup came at me sideways. Didn't know there were any problems until it happened. Really taken the wind out of me even after months. I'm happy with my life - I do miss her a lot and she normally is the first thing I think of in the morning. Sigh :/
 
 
 
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