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Guy at work keeps flirting with me watch

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    #1

    I've recently started working with people with disabilities (autism,down syndrome, learning difficulties etc not physical disabilities).

    One guy's become SO attached to me.
    He's become very subtly flirtatious: CONSTANTLY resting his hand on me, sitting SO close to me, playing footsie with me and expects that i'll always be doing everything with him only.He tried to ask me on a date and walked home with me everyday, after that i made a lame excuse about being picked up and i waited around until he left.
    I'm a lesbian so i felt SO grossed out by his advances

    Don't get me wrong some others a slightly over-affectionate e.g. constant hugs but i understand and love it because it's purely friendship but he's only like this to Me and it's clearly flirtatious.

    The issue is i'm not sure how strict i should be with him because i don't know if i'm giving him mixed signals and not to sound ignorant but i understand he has a disability so i don't know how aware he is about his inappropriate behaviour.

    I ignored it at first but it makes me feel so uncomfortable I almost jumped when he touched me one time and my manager looked really confused.

    What hurt me is that he said "do you like our kind". i don't want anyone to have low self esteem. I feel AWFUL. Am i being rude?

    btw i'm unsure what his disability is, maybe a learning difficulty of some sort?(When you first see/speak to him you don't really notice it)

    The reason why i'm stuck is because I'm 18 and he's 20 so i'm a little intimidated. Also since it's not In your face it's harder to do anything about it.

    Where do i start with tackling this issue? I don't want it to escalate.
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    I think you should be straight forward with him and explain that although you like him as a friend you want nothing more and that his advances are making you feel very uncomfortable. I think its's better to be honest, especially if you think he might have some sort of disability, rather than putting up with stuff. Not only is it probably really horrible for you right now but also it will give him a clear message that you're not interested. Whenever he touches you or does something to make you feel uncomfortable, address your feelings there and then so he will get the picture. And if he doesn't stop despite this, you should probably talk to your manager because its harassment and no one should have to put up with it. You're not being harsh by telling him what's what- you deserve to feel safe and comfortable and you shouldn't have to deal with inappropriate advances!! I hope this helped! x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've recently started working with people with disabilities (autism,down syndrome, learning difficulties etc not physical disabilities).

    One guy's become SO attached to me.
    He's become very subtly flirtatious: CONSTANTLY resting his hand on me, sitting SO close to me, playing footsie with me and expects that i'll always be doing everything with him only.He tried to ask me on a date and walked home with me everyday, after that i made a lame excuse about being picked up and i waited around until he left.
    I'm a lesbian so i felt SO grossed out by his advances

    Don't get me wrong some others a slightly over-affectionate e.g. constant hugs but i understand and love it because it's purely friendship but he's only like this to Me and it's clearly flirtatious.

    The issue is i'm not sure how strict i should be with him because i don't know if i'm giving him mixed signals and not to sound ignorant but i understand he has a disability so i don't know how aware he is about his inappropriate behaviour.

    I ignored it at first but it makes me feel so uncomfortable I almost jumped when he touched me one time and my manager looked really confused.

    What hurt me is that he said "do you like our kind". i don't want anyone to have low self esteem. I feel AWFUL. Am i being rude?

    btw i'm unsure what his disability is, maybe a learning difficulty of some sort?(When you first see/speak to him you don't really notice it)

    The reason why i'm stuck is because I'm 18 and he's 20 so i'm a little intimidated. Also since it's not In your face it's harder to do anything about it.

    Where do i start with tackling this issue? I don't want it to escalate.
    Have you thought about telling him you are a Lesbian? So you aren't interesting in him, but you do like him as a friend or whatever. So he could be used his disability to take advantage of you. Disabled people do this, use other peoples kindness against them. He may have a mental disability but he isn't stupid.
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    You should be straightforward, I doubt he'd be upset if you tell him your sexual orientation.
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    Start a conversation asking what he did st the weekend. Then drop in a hint that you went on a date and 'SHE' seemed really nice.
    It's a white lie, but it's a quick and simple way to let him know you're not interested in him or any man.

    If it continues and you feel uncomfortable, speak with your manager.
    • #2
    #2

    i've been in a very similar situation before and i ended up just having to come out to him to get him to stop as he wouldn't take the hints, the even when i was saying no he wouldn't take it for an answer. but it was perfect, there's not much a guy can do if you tell him you're a lesbian. granted, you might reconsider that if you think he's seriously homophobic.

    in which case. straight up say you aren't looking for anyone. i've learnt from the past that ignoring the problem and being too polite lets things escalate and only drags it on and makes it worse.

    good luck though!
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    (Original post by william walker)
    Have you thought about telling him you are a Lesbian? So you aren't interesting in him, but you do like him as a friend or whatever. So he could be used his disability to take advantage of you. Disabled people do this, use other peoples kindness against them. He may have a mental disability but he isn't stupid.
    No one should have to lie about themselves in order to stop someone from bothering them. Also just practically, it would be confusing to the other guy if she said she's gay but other people at work think she's not gay. (assuming she is not gay)


    OP tell him you're not interested. Say it straightforward to his face. Autistic people don't always get hints. Tell him to his face, "I am not interested in you and we are not going to be together". Don't add anything, don't apologise, don't tell him it's sweet of him or anything. Just say it straight.

    One of my friends is autistic and a few years ago he was doing the same thing. It got worse and worse and he got completely obsessed about this girl, he couldn't see his life without her, he virtually needed her to survive. Please just tell him the truth and say it bluntly. Otherwise he will not get the message. It may sound harsh and it may upset him but theres no other way and its for the best for him.
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    Be straightforward and keep the relationship professional. Working with people who are on the reduced mental incapacities spectrum some workers can give the kind of relationship that they wouldn't get elsewhere, so it can be emotionally testing. Establish your position and make it clear to him so he doesn't do it again, but of course, you have to do it gently etc... You'll know how to navigate
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks a lot for the responses guys. I'm not out to Anyone which is why i'm on anon. I'm not ready to tell anyone at all so i don't think i can tell him i'm a lesbian in order to reduce the flirting.
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    (Original post by Treeroy)
    No one should have to lie about themselves in order to stop someone from bothering them. Also just practically, it would be confusing to the other guy if she said she's gay but other people at work think she's not gay. (assuming she is not gay)


    OP tell him you're not interested. Say it straightforward to his face. Autistic people don't always get hints. Tell him to his face, "I am not interested in you and we are not going to be together". Don't add anything, don't apologise, don't tell him it's sweet of him or anything. Just say it straight.

    One of my friends is autistic and a few years ago he was doing the same thing. It got worse and worse and he got completely obsessed about this girl, he couldn't see his life without her, he virtually needed her to survive. Please just tell him the truth and say it bluntly. Otherwise he will not get the message. It may sound harsh and it may upset him but theres no other way and its for the best for him.
    OP said she was a lesbian.
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    If you're uncomfortable, tell him 'no, you have no chance'. If he doesn't listen, report him to the manager.
 
 
 
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