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Ex keeping in contact with me... watch

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    My ex and I broke up last year after a ridiculously intense relationship, albeit a relatively short one (my first). I loved her more than anything and felt emotions I had never experienced previously. We ended up going away to college, agreeing to make it work but she got together with another guy after just two weeks. During our time together she had called me "soulmate", had spoken of our future and our children and had apparently written such things in her diary (I didn't read it), so I believe she believed it...

    Following the advice of coach Corey Wayne, I avoided showing weakness during the break up and simply left it at, "if you change your mind, you know where I am", although we are 4 hours away from one another now. She contacted me occasionally over the next few months and I briefly responded so as not to seem bitter (she knew I had seen her messages). After a few months of seeing the guy she had left me for, she said that she missed me etc. I told her that I wanted to avoid contact as it was hurting me and removed her from social media, which she said had really hurt her.

    A few months later, she found out that I had had a car accident and immediately called me to ask how I was. I didn't pick up but eventually responded to a text. We ended up chatting over the next few days and then met up over Easter. It was fairly awkward but acceptable. I then didn't hear from her for months.

    Recently she messaged me out of the blue and asked to go for a drive. I found her to be hugely apologetic for no apparent reason. She explained how much I had meant to her, but that going away to uni had distracted and changed her priorities, that she had got absorbed by it and ignored her obligation to me due to insecurity and desiring male attention. OK.

    We slept together that night, and the over the next few days she messaged me consistently, her saying it felt like old times. She said 'for heaven's sake this is confusing' and 'I'm not sure how to feel/think', 'I can't believe what happened' etc. On the night, she said she had been non-exclusively seeing a guy for about 6 months, but they had called it quits over summer. She still called him a potential, but then said she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship with anyone. I know that she has been messaging him constantly over the Summer.

    After her few days of confused messaging she then stopped and invited him to visit her over the weekend. She called what had happened 'extreme nostalgia' and said 'I don't want to get back into a relationship'. Since that night, they visited each other a few times, but she was still opening conversations with me on occasion. So is she just not sure about the other guy?

    On the face of it, it seems as though she came to me when things were going badly with the other guy. She even said "I can't talk to him like I can talk to you" and that she had wanted someone to talk to that night. However, she had stayed in his hometown for the weekend prior to seeing me and said that things were going well with the other guy, so why see me? I know I don't want to come across as her therapist or patch but is it such a terrible place to be in where she feels she can open up to me and not to him? Also, we slept together so doesn't that suggest some attraction remains?
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    My suggestion, though you might not like it, is to stop talking to her at all, no texts no meeting up no anything. The problem with trying to be friendly with an ex is that when we think about them or see them it brings back memories, and any progress that we had made to be over them is undone instantly. what you need to remember is that her current relationships aren't your problem, even if you decide to remain friends with her you have no obligation to help her with her relationships and if you both desire friendship, hopefully she will respect that and not involve you in relationship drama.
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    (Original post by Xenobee)
    My suggestion, though you might not like it, is to stop talking to her at all, no texts no meeting up no anything. The problem with trying to be friendly with an ex is that when we think about them or see them it brings back memories, and any progress that we had made to be over them is undone instantly. what you need to remember is that her current relationships aren't your problem, even if you decide to remain friends with her you have no obligation to help her with her relationships and if you both desire friendship, hopefully she will respect that and not involve you in relationship drama.
    Well you see, I rather want her back, but don't want friendship. The messaging and meet-ups etc. have not been of that nature and I don't think she desires friendship either.

    When messaging, it was essentially sexting on her part and when we met up we slept together. My best guess is that she is still attracted to me to some degree, and wasn't sure about this new guy or a relationship. Being back over Summer, looking back over her diary from when we were toegther etc, she was thinking about me, and heard from a mutual friend that the break-up had been hard on me, hence the meet-up the apologies I think.

    When we were together, she felt nostalgic and what happened happened.
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    well if you guys just wanna bone thats cool, but if you're not comfortable with it because of things like her being in another relationship then dont do it i suppose, try not to let what happened in the past define what happens between the two of you now, because if you were in a relationship where you were having sex it can sometimes be hard to separate how it used to be whilst in a relationship and how it would be in a FWB situation
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    I've seen this all before. Sorry to break it to you man but she is playing games with you. Because you are a previous sexual and romantic partner, she just went back to you because she knows how to push your buttons and to get your attention, which is all she wants. Attention and/or a bit of sex, now that this other guy she is seeing has "called it quits". Not necessarily from you but from someone. My advice: Cut all contact.
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    Your emotions are being played with, just cut this person off and don't look back. The small/rare benefits you get just aren't worth it when you could be focusing your energy somewhere else.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well you see, I rather want her back, but don't want friendship. The messaging and meet-ups etc. have not been of that nature and I don't think she desires friendship either.

    When messaging, it was essentially sexting on her part and when we met up we slept together. My best guess is that she is still attracted to me to some degree, and wasn't sure about this new guy or a relationship. Being back over Summer, looking back over her diary from when we were toegther etc, she was thinking about me, and heard from a mutual friend that the break-up had been hard on me, hence the meet-up the apologies I think.

    When we were together, she felt nostalgic and what happened happened.
    I am afraid she is playing games with you, you need to stop sleeping with her and cut all contact, easier said than done I know but you will feel better in the long run.
 
 
 
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