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I don't get guys sometimes... Smh watch

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    I asked my best friend (who was my bf a while back) why he broke up with me and this is what he said;


    "Well with the way we were getting serious and all, i knew if we had gone on like that, we would have got engaged and it would've led to marriage. And well i wasn't sure if i wanted to go that far with you" .

    I asked him "So... you didn't see yourself getting married to me.., you didn't see yourself with me in the future?" and he said yeah.

    But then thing is, when we were together we always talked about the future and he seemed happy and hopeful about it. We were always happy. We never had any quarrels or fights, we were just perfect (he said this himself once when we first started going out). He also said some months into our relationship that i was "amazing" and he's one of those guys who hardly uses such words unless he really means it. He highly values our friendship now and doesn't "ever want to let me go". (He doesn't just say it though, he acts it too so i know it's not just words).
    He says he wants us to be friends forever, and that he never wants us to separate no matter what.
    Isn't that like indirectly a sort of marriage contract?

    This all confuses me greatly. I don't really get guys sometimes you know
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    lol not all guys are the same. I never understand these threads where people state *x experience I have with confusing guy/girl, why are guys/girls so confusing?*

    I suppose he loved you but wasn't in love with you? Maybe the bond you guys have grew stronger but he never actually fell for you; or maybe he did love you but fell out of love. He could just be a commitment phobe, but this is all just speculation. You won't really know until you ask him.
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    Break ups are horrible because the reasons never have much logic. Sounds like for some reason he wasn't ready to commit. Only consolation is you've salvaged a friendship out of it.
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Break ups are horrible because the reasons never have much logic. Sounds like for some reason he wasn't ready to commit. Only consolation is you've salvaged a friendship out of it.
    This really.

    Also, perhaps he wasn't ready for a long term 'contractual' commitments.
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    (Original post by Danz123)
    lol not all guys are the same. I never understand these threads where people state *x experience I have with confusing guy/girl, why are guys/girls so confusing?*

    I suppose he loved you but wasn't in love with you? Maybe the bond you guys have grew stronger but he never actually fell for you; or maybe he did love you but fell out of love. He could just be a commitment phobe, but this is all just speculation. You won't really know until you ask him.
    I think i've asked him enough. I feel like if i keep pressing on it he might feel i'm still stuck on the relationship for some reason and that's why i want to know what other guys think instead.
    Lol i know not all guys are the same but i do think that you lot can be just as confusing and "complicated" as we girls at times.
    And yeah, i was beginning to think one of those things you mentioned above. Probably the "maybe he's just a commitment phobe" one as that would make more sense in our case.

    (Original post by Zarek)
    Break ups are horrible because the reasons never have much logic. Sounds like for some reason he wasn't ready to commit. Only consolation is you've salvaged a friendship out of it.
    Yeah, we were best friends before we went out and so luckily we managed to find our way back to that. I just don't understand how he takes our friendship so seriously now as though we were still together but doesn't actually want to be in a relationship with me. He doesn't want me out of his life but he could break up with me? Lol i just don't get that part very well
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    (Original post by kka25)
    This really.

    Also, perhaps he wasn't ready for a long term 'contractual' commitments.
    Haha perhaps. I like how you added the 'contractual'. That makes sense too
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)
    Haha perhaps. I like how you added the 'contractual'. That makes sense too
    Most men understand that those things will put them in some disadvantages (look up in the history of divorces and such and how it has effected men); he may, rightfully, not willing to go through such events in the future, which is to me, quite understandable and nothing wrong with it.
    It may put you in a state of confusion but his decision is his, and in all sincerity, there's nothing peculiar about his decision, though it can be to your expanse, unfortunately.
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)
    I think i've asked him enough. I feel like if i keep pressing on it he might feel i'm still stuck on the relationship for some reason and that's why i want to know what other guys think instead.
    Lol i know not all guys are the same but i do think that you lot can be just as confusing and "complicated" as we girls at times.
    And yeah, i was beginning to think one of those things you mentioned above. Probably the "maybe he's just a commitment phobe" one as that would make more sense in our case.
    To be fair, if you haven't figured it out and you won't ask him again, then you'll never know. It does seem like you're stuck on it though since you're making a thread about it here. I understand you want closure, but I feel it's probably time to just let it go. You're only friends with him now, and like you say it'd probably only harm the friendship if you keep asking.

    If you need time away from him to completely get over him/ these thoughts, then you should tell him that btw.

    You're right, some guys are as confusing as some girls, but I'd throw in the quantifier just to be more specific haha.
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)
    I just don't understand how he takes our friendship so seriously now as though we were still together but doesn't actually want to be in a relationship with me. He doesn't want me out of his life but he could break up with me? Lol i just don't get that part very well
    He broke up because he thought it was getting too serious. There is a difference between living together in the same house and potentially doing so for the rest of your life (which is what he foresaw had the relationship continued) compared to having a close friend.
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)
    I asked my best friend (who was my bf a while back) why he broke up with me and this is what he said;


    "Well with the way we were getting serious and all, i knew if we had gone on like that, we would have got engaged and it would've led to marriage. And well i wasn't sure if i wanted to go that far with you" .

    I asked him "So... you didn't see yourself getting married to me.., you didn't see yourself with me in the future?" and he said yeah.

    But then thing is, when we were together we always talked about the future and he seemed happy and hopeful about it. We were always happy. We never had any quarrels or fights, we were just perfect (he said this himself once when we first started going out). He also said some months into our relationship that i was "amazing" and he's one of those guys who hardly uses such words unless he really means it. He highly values our friendship now and doesn't "ever want to let me go". (He doesn't just say it though, he acts it too so i know it's not just words).
    He says he wants us to be friends forever, and that he never wants us to separate no matter what.
    Isn't that like indirectly a sort of marriage contract?

    This all confuses me greatly. I don't really get guys sometimes you know
    He was not committed to a long-term relationship with you. He just wanted to play around with you, and his words and appearances (at least in terms of talking about your future together) were merely lies to achieve what he wanted. When everything got too serious he decided to bail out.
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    (Original post by kka25)
    Most men understand that those things will put them in some disadvantages (look up in the history of divorces and such and how it has effected men); he may, rightfully, not willing to go though such events in the future, which is to me, quite understandable and nothing wrong with it.
    It may put you in a state of confusion but his decision is his, and in all sincerity, there's nothing peculiar about his decision, though it can be to your expanse, unfortunately.
    That is true, and i have understood and have accepted his decision now. I mean what else can i do right? lol thanks.

    (Original post by Danz123)
    To be fair, if you haven't figured it out and you won't ask him again, then you'll never know. It does seem like you're stuck on it though since you're making a thread about it here. I understand you want closure, but I feel it's probably time to just let it go. You're only friends with him now, and like you say it'd probably only harm the friendship if you keep asking.
    If you need time away from him to completely get over him/ these thoughts, then you should tell him that btw.
    You're right, some guys are as confusing as some girls, but I'd throw in the quantifier just to be more specific haha.
    Thank you, i actually did need to hear that. I'm actually over him now tbh, it's only i didn't quite get why he broke up with me a while back and i'm the type of person who can't really be okay with myself if i overlooked such things as "main reasons why i was broken up with" and stuff like that.. as these things are what i use to "sort of make myself a better person" for the future and for the sake of the other future relationships i'm gonna have with other people & stuff I hope you get me now.
    But thanks anyway, your contribution was very helpful
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    He was not committed to a long-term relationship with you. He just wanted to play around with you, and his words and appearances (at least in terms of talking about your future together) were merely lies to achieve what he wanted. When everything got too serious he decided to bail out.
    Lol, he didn't play around with me though. Doubt he did. He gave me all his time and stuff. He was actually a very good boyfriend. Always respected my wishes and never took advantage of me in any way.
    But yeah, i do agree he wasn't committed the "long-term way" as everyone's saying.
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)
    Lol, he didn't play around with me though. Doubt he did. He gave me all his time and stuff. He was actually a very good boyfriend. Always respected my wishes and never took advantage of me in any way.
    But yeah, i do agree he wasn't committed the "long-term way" as everyone's saying.
    The play which I meant does not have to be necessarily sexual; it could be companionship, happiness or something else. I suspect he did, however, achieve what he wanted out of the relationship.
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    (Original post by jSchmidt21)

    This all confuses me greatly. I don't really get guys sometimes you know
    theres nothing to get. when a guy says no, it means means he doesn't like you enough. It's your perspective that you think you were perfect, when he said those words, it may have been meant differently, but it seems you are wanting to see what you want to see here.

    don't mean to be sounding harsh, but this is how it is.
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    (Original post by Bupdeeboowah)
    The play which I meant does not have to be necessarily sexual; it could be companionship, happiness or something else. I suspect he did, however, achieve what he wanted out of the relationship.
    Hmmmm...


    (Original post by advo)
    theres nothing to get. when a guy says no, it means means he doesn't like you enough. It's your perspective that you think you were perfect, when he said those words, it may have been meant differently, but it seems you are wanting to see what you want to see here.
    don't mean to be sounding harsh, but this is how it is.
    lol, it's not harsh. I agree he didn't like me enough, and obviously "cherishes" me more as a friend now. And i can understand that. But what i would disagree with is this
    (Original post by advo)
    It's your perspective that you think you were perfect, when he said those words, it may have been meant differently, but it seems you are wanting to see what you want to see here.
    i don't "exaggerate whatever i'm told by guys" in my head, neither do i try to live in fantasyland. I take things as they are and try not to "sugarcoat" them in my mind. What he said was i was amazing, not perfect. He only referred to our relationship as "perfect" when he realised it. And i agreed (because it actually was).
 
 
 
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