I have suffered from anxiety since I was in primary school.
It started when I was bullied as a child, I was always made to feel like a outsider and teased constantly. This pretty much destroyed my confidence and I always just assumed I was someone who people were embarrassed to associated with. It wasn't really that I was sad that people didn't like me, I just understood that I wasn't someone anyone would want to be friends with. I suffered heavily with depression during the majority of my school years, it really shaped my experience. Although the idea of suicide was frequent on my mind, it was never something which I really considered, more of a pleasant thought (I know it sounds horrible looking back on it) which would help me to get to sleep at night.
Having said this, year 7 to 9 wasn't really that bad. My acceptance of my place socially helped me to cope, when year 10 rolled around however everything changed. I finally started trying to reach out to people in order to make friends, it didn't end up going as well as I hoped. The friends I did make where the people who smoked weed and made fun of me, I reached a point during year 10 where I realised that these guys were not my friends, they were simply using me as something to laugh at. Although this was somewhat of a good realisation, it really destroyed me mentally. I lost all my confidence along with the friends which made fun of me. I was really embarrassed to be looked at and I couldn't stand being seen during school. I spent the remainder of year 10 and 11 in the library however It was often closed so I just sat in the toilet.
As 6th form rolled around I realised that I was never going to be good socially and in my eyes, educational achievement was the only other important factor of school. If I did badly socially and educationally then I would have truly failed. I put 110% into school in order to achieve my dream of getting into Cambridge, this gave me something to be proud of and thus boosted my confidence. I ended up making a few friends during year 12 and I was really happy in general. Recently things have not been as good. I did well during my AS exams however not quite as good as I needed. I really messed up one of my exams as I completely froze up, I ended up scoring quite low, all that work only to fall short. Ever since I did badly in that exam I have had really bad exam anxiety, I just cannot deal with the pressure I am under. All I do is study and prepare however I just cannot bare that it all comes down to an exam. I've already let it mess up my Oxford entrance exam and I fear it will prevent me from achieving what I have worked so hard for, I've invested everything into this and if it doesn't go to plan I don't know what I will do. Recently I have had real trouble sleeping and I have been having a lot of panic attacks, my depression is starting to come back and I'm really scared. I really don't want it to.
Does anyone have any anxiety related advice as it is destroying my life. Granted it is not as bad as it used to be when I couldn't even bare people looking at me however I think I need to do something about it. I can't let my dreams go in the bin because I panic in exams.
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How to deal with my anxiety. watch
- Thread Starter
- 13-11-2015 15:16
- 13-11-2015 15:33
do you take any medication or have you been to the doctors to discuss it. I suffer from bad anxiety when in groups of people and socialising but out of that situation I am not to bad?