Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Does this sentence make sense? watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    "Both works consist of social commentaries;critiquing the society in which they are present; addressing issues regarding gender and a woman’s place in society."
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    bump.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    Anyone?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Hello!

    I think your basic message makes sense, but the semicolons might be throwing it off a bit.

    Both works consist of social commentaries, critiquing the society in which they are present and addressing issues regarding gender and a woman’s place in society.

    What do you think? I think a comma works fine, but you could also use a colon or an em dash if you wanted to emphasize your point a little more.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheHistoryphile)
    "Both works consist of social commentaries;critiquing the society in which they are present; addressing issues regarding gender and a woman’s place in society."
    I think it is a bit clunky, you shouldn't use two semicolons in a sentence and you can get rid of one of the mentions of society. I might phrase it thusly;

    Both works consist of social commentaries critiquing the social conditions with respect to gender and a woman's place in their society.

    I would generally use "with regard to" or "in respect of" rather than "regarding". I'm not sure if there's a grammatical rule in support of this preference, but I feel it is a little bit smoother
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by woIfie)
    I think it is a bit clunky, you shouldn't use two semicolons in a sentence and you can get rid of one of the mentions of society. I might phrase it thusly;

    Both works consist of social commentaries critiquing the social conditions with respect to gender and a woman's place in their society.

    I would generally use "with regard to" or "in respect of" rather than "regarding". I'm not sure if there's a grammatical rule in support of this preference, but I feel it is a little bit smoother
    That's much nicer

    I think you should take out "the" before "social conditions" because it's unnecessary. I'd perhaps also change "social conditons" to "societal conditions".

    It would be nice to see the rest of the text.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by beyknowles2)
    That's much nicer
    Why thank you, madam. I live to serve.

    You are probably right about "the" though, it is superfluous. And societal may work better for conditions to provide contrast to "social commentaries". Or perhaps this instead;

    Both works consist of commentaries critiquing social conditions with respect to gender and a woman's place in their society.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by woIfie)
    Why thank you, madam. I live to serve.

    You are probably right about "the" though, it is superfluous. And societal may work better for conditions to provide contrast to "social commentaries". Or perhaps this instead;

    Both works consist of commentaries critiquing social conditions with respect to gender and a woman's place in their society.
    That was beautiful, thank you! Sometimes I just cannot get my sentences to flow correctly!
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CharlieWriteWell)
    Hello!

    I think your basic message makes sense, but the semicolons might be throwing it off a bit.

    Both works consist of social commentaries, critiquing the society in which they are present and addressing issues regarding gender and a woman’s place in society.

    What do you think? I think a comma works fine, but you could also use a colon or an em dash if you wanted to emphasize your point a little more.
    Yes the semi colons didn't quite work for me. Thank you for the help!
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheHistoryphile)
    That was beautiful, thank you!
    No problemo I'm pleased you appreciate it.

    Sometimes I just cannot get my sentences to flow correctly!
    Don't worry about it, your sentence really wasn't that bad and the fact you could intuit it might be better put together means you do have the skill and the mindset to write in the way you'd like to.

    It really comes down to practice. Read a lot, particularly older books by English authors like PG Wodehouse, or the Raffles books by EW Hornung. I also find verbal fluency spills over into my writing so listening to someone like Christopher Hitchens speak can be hugely helpful for your writing style.

    Spend some time listening to him in debate (there are many on youtube) and, trust me, the eloquence and the articulateness rubs off

    Best of luck with it
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by woIfie)
    No problemo I'm pleased you appreciate it.



    Don't worry about it, your sentence really wasn't that bad and the fact you could intuit it might be better put together means you do have the skill and the mindset to write in the way you'd like to.

    It really comes down to practice. Read a lot, particularly older books by English authors like PG Wodehouse, or the Raffles books by EW Hornung. I also find verbal fluency spills over into my writing so listening to someone like Christopher Hitchens speak can be hugely helpful for your writing style.

    Spend some time listening to him in debate (there are many on youtube) and, trust me, the eloquence and the articulateness rubs off

    Best of luck with it

    Thank you for the advice, I will follow it.

    I would love to just make my words just flow perfectly almost in a lyrical way it will take time I suppose. Maybe one day....
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheHistoryphile)
    Thank you for the advice, I will follow it.

    I would love to just make my words just flow perfectly almost in a lyrical way it will take time I suppose. Maybe one day....
    Of that I have no doubt You clearly have the underlying literary disposition and the desire, the rest will come almost by ozmosis if you absorb those authors and listen to people like Hitch.

    Anyway, good night mate.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by woIfie)
    Of that I have no doubt You clearly have the underlying literary disposition and the desire, the rest will come almost by ozmosis if you absorb those authors and listen to people like Hitch.

    Anyway, good night mate.
    Thanks for the support! I appreciate it.

    Good night
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheHistoryphile)
    Yes the semi colons didn't quite work for me. Thank you for the help!
    You are very welcome. Glad to help! Just keep practicing and you'll get there.

    Semicolons can be tricky to use. This is a short tutorial on how to use them effectively. And here is another tutorial on dashes. I think an em dash could have worked nicely as well.

    If you have other questions let me know.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    too many semi colons. : is used for a list - and ; is used as a change of thought I believe. Semi colons are pedantic and the English language and cope without them.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
Updated: November 14, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the proposed ban on plastic straws and cotton buds?
Useful resources

Make your revision easier

OMAM

Ultimate Of Mice And Men Thread

Plot, context, character analysis and everything in between.

Notes

Revision Hub

All our revision materials in one place

Love books

Common grammar and vocabulary problems

Get your questions asked and answered

Useful literary websitesStudy help rules and posting guidelines

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.