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Is this a FWB or more? watch

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    There's a guy i've known for about 6 weeks now. We met at work, and I didn't see him like that at first, but as I got to know him a bit more, I realised I was attracted to him and I also noticed that he was flirty with me, though didn't know if he was just a flirt in general.
    I tried to find excuses to spend time with him out of work and he was always up for meeting and very nice, but I couldn't tell if he was interested. We went out once or twice alone, and once with a mutual friend.
    Anyway, I found myself liking him more and more, so one day when we were messaging, I told him i'd like to go on a date with him sometime and he agreed.
    We went out and we ended up getting on brilliantly, and kissed quite a lot.
    There was a lot of chemistry and sexual tension between us, and the next time we met we slept together.
    I told him that I wanted to date him, and he told me that he just wanted to 'take it slowly' as we hadn't known each other that long, so I agreed.
    Anyway, we see each other once a week at work, and in between that we've been messaging a lot. Some of the texts are quite explicit, but many are just general how's your day going, making jokes etc.

    Anyway, the other night he asked if he wanted to spend the night with him. I did, and I just really enjoyed being there with him, cuddling him and just talking about stuff. I'd really like a relationship, but I don't really know how to go about it.
    I know we've not been seeing each other long, but I really like him. The thing is, I have no idea if he is seeing anyone else. I don't think he is, but I noticed there is a girl he's always messaging, and dunno if it's just a friend or something more.


    My friend told me to be careful with someone who doesn't want to commit. I do really like him and I would like to call him my boyfriend. Does it sound like he's only looking for one thing. I mean we go out and eat together, talk about other stuff etc. and I always try to help him with things, but I don't know what he's looking for with me.
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    He's said he doesn't want to commit and you know this, so right now you have to assume that it's a FWB situation. He knows you like him so if he liked you, he'd do something about it. But he hasn't, so right now it isn't anything more
    • #1
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    thanks for your reply yeah... he tells me that he likes me.... and apparently he said to our mutual friend that he thinks I'm a really nice person and stuff.. but yeah I've told him a couple of times that I really like him. I'm worried that he just wants to sleep with me, but I like spending time with him and doing other stuff. I don't know what to do really. I might wait a bit longer, then tell him either I want a relationship or I don't want anything at all, what do you guys think?
    I am so busy all the time so I don't mind if we can't see each other that much, but I don't like the idea of FWB.
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    He was Honest with you and told you he wanted to take things slow. You just have to figure out if you want to wait around and see if he does want to pick up the pace and make it official or not take things any further. In the meantime I would say that you should keep your options open.
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    thanks, yes you're right, at least he was honest. He wants to see me a lot though, I'd say he comes across as more keen than me, but I dunno he hasn't really said that he really likes me, really likes spending time with me or anything like that. Maybe he's just not very vocal about how he feels..
    I'll try to not get my hopes up too much. But what I may do is give it another couple of weeks or so, and maybe give him an ultimatum. Well I don't want that to sound harsh, but I mean I will say to him, I'd like us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I don't want to just be casually seeing each other. But if you don't want a relationship then I don't want to carry on seeing you.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thanks, yes you're right, at least he was honest. He wants to see me a lot though, I'd say he comes across as more keen than me, but I dunno he hasn't really said that he really likes me, really likes spending time with me or anything like that. Maybe he's just not very vocal about how he feels..
    I'll try to not get my hopes up too much. But what I may do is give it another couple of weeks or so, and maybe give him an ultimatum. Well I don't want that to sound harsh, but I mean I will say to him, I'd like us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I don't want to just be casually seeing each other. But if you don't want a relationship then I don't want to carry on seeing you.
    He just wants sex if you are happy with this then it's fine, but if you want a relationship with him then you may best to stop sleeping with him.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    He just wants sex if you are happy with this then it's fine, but if you want a relationship with him then you may best to stop sleeping with him.
    Thanks, no I'm not really happy with that....
    I actually want to spend time together doing other stuff and eventually introduce him to my family etc.
    I thought we might go on a couple of dates and then he would ask me out or something.. but he said it 'takes him a while to get into relationships'



    I'm annoyed as well because I've sacrified a lot of time to help him learn another language, and which I'm still doing. I just don't know.... need to think about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks, no I'm not really happy with that....
    I actually want to spend time together doing other stuff and eventually introduce him to my family etc.
    I thought we might go on a couple of dates and then he would ask me out or something.. but he said it 'takes him a while to get into relationships'



    I'm annoyed as well because I've sacrified a lot of time to help him learn another language, and which I'm still doing. I just don't know.... need to think about it.
    Yes you need to think whether you just want to be friends with benefits, I do wonder that if he really liked you he would have made you his other half. I can't help but feel also he's using it as an excuse that it takes time for him to get into a relationship.
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    Yep, my friend said the same thing... It makes me feel a bit crap really.I think I deserve more, but i'm sure it's my fault for sleeping with him so quickly.
    Because I'm so busy, I did think about friends with benefits and that it would be ok. But I think that I didn't like him as much as that point, because now I really like him, I want him to be my boyfriend.
    I do regret sleeping with him quite early on, but it's done now.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yep, my friend said the same thing... It makes me feel a bit crap really.I think I deserve more, but i'm sure it's my fault for sleeping with him so quickly.
    Because I'm so busy, I did think about friends with benefits and that it would be ok. But I think that I didn't like him as much as that point, because now I really like him, I want him to be my boyfriend.
    I do regret sleeping with him quite early on, but it's done now.
    Yeah this is the trouble for sleeping with him so quick, he's got you where he wants you. The trouble is with a friends with benefits arrangement someone always develops feelings in the end.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Yeah this is the trouble for sleeping with him so quick, he's got you where he wants you. The trouble is with a friends with benefits arrangement someone always develops feelings in the end.
    Yeah, if this is the case, then I feel pretty bad now.
    I was first attracted to him but didn't have deep feelings as such.. now I feel like I've developed them and so it's pretty difficult, because I don't think he has them for me, or if he does, he doesn't show it.

    Do you think I should talk to him and ask where I stand, or just wait a bit longer?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, if this is the case, then I feel pretty bad now.
    I was first attracted to him but didn't have deep feelings as such.. now I feel like I've developed them and so it's pretty difficult, because I don't think he has them for me, or if he does, he doesn't show it.

    Do you think I should talk to him and ask where I stand, or just wait a bit longer?
    Well I wouldn't wait, I would ask, but I suspect he doesn't have much feelings.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Well I wouldn't wait, I would ask, but I suspect he doesn't have much feelings.
    Yeah, I feel like that too..
    I dunno, he knows I really like him, but he never comments on anything about my personality or how he enjoyed spending time with me or something.. so...

    I feel pretty gutted but you can't make someone have feelings I guess.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I feel like that too..
    I dunno, he knows I really like him, but he never comments on anything about my personality or how he enjoyed spending time with me or something.. so...

    I feel pretty gutted but you can't make someone have feelings I guess.
    To him it's sex nothing more, not sure how he would react if you told him you liked him.
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    I did tell him I liked him... and he said he was really flattered.
    And one time by text he told me he liked me too...
    so yeah I guess I thought he had some feelings for me maybe :s
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    He seems a lot 'cooler' with me atm; less interested in texting and meeting up. I am starting to feel a bit used... and pretty upset because I really like him. Plus he was telling me about how some girl invited him over etc.. I think i'm gonna just stop bothering with him, not message him again, and focus on my work. It hurts, but I'll learn from sleeping with a guy so quickly.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He seems a lot 'cooler' with me atm; less interested in texting and meeting up. I am starting to feel a bit used... and pretty upset because I really like him. Plus he was telling me about how some girl invited him over etc.. I think i'm gonna just stop bothering with him, not message him again, and focus on my work. It hurts, but I'll learn from sleeping with a guy so quickly.
    Yep I would stop seeing and sleeping with him, I am afraid he only wanted sex from you and now he's got it and found you like him more, it sounds like he is trying to let you go.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He seems a lot 'cooler' with me atm; less interested in texting and meeting up. I am starting to feel a bit used... and pretty upset because I really like him. Plus he was telling me about how some girl invited him over etc.. I think i'm gonna just stop bothering with him, not message him again, and focus on my work. It hurts, but I'll learn from sleeping with a guy so quickly.
    :console:

    I think that is the best decision that you can make in this situation.
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    If you're 100% sure that he doesn't have feelings for you it's a good idea.

    But you're gonna lose him anyway, so why not tell him everything you have told us? I know there's not much point but... I would tell him. Tell him to stop that "relationships take time" bs, if he's honest he'll tell you the truth and you can move on. And if you are lucky, he'll see that he'll lose you, so maybe he'll realize it's now or never if he likes you. I don't want to give you false hope but who knows.
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    These questions annoy me, sorry. Why is it so hard for some people to take people at their word? Why on earth would you be reading into stuff for signs he wants more when he has clearly said he doesn't want that? He said no commitment so no commitment.

    Seriously there is nothing that's not black and white about this. If you wanted more you should have said so or not have gone along with it to begin with. Stop reading into things now, he has been straight with you and please don't be a stroppy ******** with him either because it's you in the wrong.
 
 
 
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