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Need dating advice - Girl flaking after 5 weeks? watch

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    Okay here is the situation:

    I was dating this girl for 5 weeks. Everything was going good and smoothly, we continued to meet up, have several dates together and hang out about 2-3 times a week getting to know each other better.

    By the 3rd date we had sex and over the course of the 5 weeks we had sex probably about 8 times or so. We had sleepovers at each others places regularly. Everything was going well both in the sexual department and the dating/getting to know each other department also.

    So as you can see everything looked to be going good, she hadn't cancelled or asked to reschedule a date or hangout session not even once, continually and successfully agreed to meet up every time.

    We went on dates to the park, dinner and movie night, trips to the zoo, comedy nights, trips to Liverpool and in return on one date she was willing to drive me down to Cambridge her homecity since I'd never been there before even though it was a 5 hour drive there and back, which I was surprised at and thought it showed commitment.

    All of this gave me the impression she was interested in me. However, there were some red flags, for instance, despite dating for 5 weeks several times a week she never initiates contact ever, and has never initiated any sort of physical intimacy whatsoever such as hugs or kisses, apart from this one time during sex she went down on me on her own initiative. This gave me the impression she was not interested in me, so I was in a conflicted position of now wondering whether she was into me or not.

    Then it hit..

    After 5 weeks, I messaged her on a Thursday asking whether she wanted to go bowling, which as usual she agreed to so I didn't see a problem. Only this time when I asked when when is she free she said that she should be free next week, without stating a specific time or day. (No problem, fair enough maybe she has stuff already planned this week.) So I agree to next week, regrettably i should of probably specified a day next week myself but nevertheless.

    Saturday the following week rolls by, (so over a week) and I still haven't heard from her so I decide to message her again asking whether she is still up for going bowling, I was thinking tomorrow if you're still interested? She replies stating that she is back in her home city over the weekend, but said that yes she is still interested, maybe next week? Again for the second time in a row, still, I once again agree to next week, specifically asking her to text me when she wants to go, putting the ball in her court.

    Now this has happened before in the past were I messaged her to set up a date but she said she is back at home for the weekend, which she was, and we met up later the following week successfully without a problem.

    My only issue with it this time is that she agreed to meet up with me the week prior to go bowling sometime that week, so she effectively went home for the weekend knowing that we had made plans for that week, without even bothering to tell me either that she was going home for the weekend and therefore wouldn't be able to make it. I essentially had to find out for myself.

    1 week later, today (Saturday) I still haven't heard from her, and she didn't even bother to reply to my last text asking her to message me when she wants to go, I even said in the text for her to have a good weekend so the fact that she didn't reply back just to say something along the lines of "alright i'll message you next week when I'm free, you have a good weekend too', i thought was kind of disrespectful on her part.

    Now, I need your advice, should I message her again for a third time and if she makes up an excuse this time just drop her, effectively a 'Three strikes and your out' kind of rule. OR should I wait a bit longer and if she doesn't reply just drop her.
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    Sounds as though sadly shes lost interest but she couldn't be bothered to tell you.
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    I think the dating got too intense too fast. She's clearly cooling. Best bet is to seize the initiative and get the dumping in first - I predict the treatment from her will only get worse. If you're still really keen the best hope is to leave the ball firmly in her court and see if she makes contact..
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    I think the dating got too intense too fast. She's clearly cooling. Best bet is to seize the initiative and get the dumping in first - I predict the treatment from her will only get worse. If you're still really keen the best hope is to leave the ball firmly in her court and see if she makes contact..
    Maybe, although come Monday it will have been an entire 3 weeks since we last saw each other and I've went over a week on 2 occasions without communicating to her in the meantime so I'm thinking this 'it got too intense too quick' idea is undermined by that fact as she surely has had plenty of time to herself, cool down and think things through in the meantime. It seems like she has more than likely just lost interest and is too scared to tell me which sucks...
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    I know it happens but I hate games like this. I would say maybe text her and ask if she's still interested, if she doesn't reply within a normal time for her then you've got an answer and you can move on before you get too attached.
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    (Original post by Louise9994)
    I know it happens but I hate games like this. I would say maybe text her and ask if she's still interested, if she doesn't reply within a normal time for her then you've got an answer and you can move on before you get too attached.
    I already did that last week (asking if she is still interested in going bowling, which she said yes too, but delayed it til the following week for the second time) but I'm thinking this time I'm going to have to be a bit more straight up and confrontational.

    I tried calling her about an hour ago with the aim of having a conversation with her as calling is obviously more personal and given recent events I can't foresee her wanting to meet up just to talk.

    Going to wait a little bit first just to see if she messages me back realizing she missed a call and if not I'll make one very last message asking her if she is still interested in pursuing this relationship further as I'm getting the impression from her actions that she is not interested.

    I'll express my feelings of wishing to pursue it further at some point but only if the feeling is mutual and whether or not I'm just wasting my time and should move on. I'll express that i'd very much prefer for someone to express their disinterest in pursuing it further rather than pretend their still interested when really they're not. Hopefully that way it will encourage her to express her true feelings so she doesn't feel scared to speak up about her true feelings.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    I already did that last week (asking if she is still interested in going bowling, which she said yes too, but delayed it til the following week for the second time) but I'm thinking this time I'm going to have to be a bit more straight up and confrontational.

    I tried calling her about an hour ago with the aim of having a conversation with her as calling is obviously more personal and given recent events I can't foresee her wanting to meet up just to talk.

    Going to wait a little bit first just to see if she messages me back realizing she missed a call and if not I'll make one very last message asking her if she is still interested in pursuing this relationship further as I'm getting the impression from her actions that she is not interested.

    I'll express my feelings of wishing to pursue it further at some point but only if the feeling is mutual and whether or not I'm just wasting my time and should move on. I'll express that i'd very much prefer for someone to express their disinterest in pursuing it further rather than pretend their still interested when really they're not. Hopefully that way it will encourage her to express her true feelings so she doesn't feel scared to speak up about her true feelings.
    I meant message to see if she's still interested in the relationship not about bowling.

    If she is ignoring you then it's very disrespectful, especially if she knows you think you're in a relationship with her. You can do better.
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    maybe she secretly hates bowling
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    Maybe Foo.mp3 can help
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    (Original post by Ser Alex Toyne)
    Maybe Foo.mp3 can help
    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    she didn't even bother to reply to my last text asking her to message me when she wants to go
    So call her and find out what's up already :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    So call her and find out what's up already :dontknow:

    Just had a talk with her about it all and she said she understands where I'm coming from in that i'm confused as to what she wants, expressing herself that she is hard to read. She said she likes me but isn't sure whether she wants a relationship out of it yet and that if I'm looking for something more right now she would understand if I were to walk away.

    I'm sure others will be sceptical having heard this line probably a million times before but I'm going to give her 1 last chance (maybe foolishly, but I guess we'll find out in time)

    I responded saying I don't want her to feel like I'm pressuring her into anything and that I was just trying to clear up where we were at having never talked about it before and expressed my desire to hopefully keep seeing each other in the future if she feels the same way. Also said don't be afraid to get in touch if she wants to meet up sometime.

    She responded by saying she would also like to continue seeing me but expressed she is busy at the current moment with deadlines and stuff and as such she is a bit busy and said she would get in touch when she is free.

    Having said that though I am extremely sceptical of when people say they're busy, she is a first year student so her grades don't count towards her degree so it's hardly like she is in a stressful part of university. I'm in my third year and suffice to say I wish I was in more because i have WAY too much time on my hands.

    Not to mention I know her schedule, she only has lectures twice a week which again gives aid to the argument that she can't be as busy as she suggests, surely. She also doesn't have a job so it's not like a job is taking up most of her time or anything either. The only time I'm willing to believe someone is too busy is if you're in exceptional circumstances such as for example being a single mum with a full time job, or in the case of one of my flatmates who is a student nurse working well over 70 hours a week. I'm personally of the opinion that if someone is interested in you enough then they will make time for you. In this instance it seems she isn't interested enough to make that sort of commitment. Busy for 3 weeks in a row? I don't think so......

    Anyway, the ball is in her court once again now, It's up to her and I'm not going to pursue this any further unless she makes the next move.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    Just had a talk with her about it all and she said she understands where I'm coming from in that i'm confused as to what she wants, expressing herself that she is hard to read. She said she likes me but isn't sure whether she wants a relationship out of it yet and that if I'm looking for something more right now she would understand if I were to walk away.

    I'm sure others will be sceptical having heard this line probably a million times before but I'm going to give her 1 last chance (maybe foolishly, but I guess we'll find out in time)

    I responded saying I don't want her to feel like I'm pressuring her into anything and that I was just trying to clear up where we were at having never talked about it before and expressed my desire to hopefully keep seeing each other in the future if she feels the same way. Also said don't be afraid to get in touch if she wants to meet up sometime.

    She responded by saying she would also like to continue seeing me but expressed she is busy at the current moment with deadlines and stuff and as such she is a bit busy and said she would get in touch when she is free.

    Having said that though I am extremely sceptical of when people say they're busy, she is a first year student so her grades don't count towards her degree so it's hardly like she is in a stressful part of university. I'm in my third year and suffice to say I wish I was in more because i have WAY too much time on my hands.

    Not to mention I know her schedule, she only has lectures twice a week which again gives aid to the argument that she can't be as busy as she suggests, surely. She also doesn't have a job so it's not like a job is taking up most of her time or anything either. The only time I'm willing to believe someone is too busy is if you're in exceptional circumstances such as for example being a single mum with a full time job, or in the case of one of my flatmates who is a student nurse working well over 70 hours a week.

    Anyway, the ball is in her court once again now, It's up to her and I'm not going to pursue this any further unless she makes the next move.
    Are you both still exclusive? Have you clarified that?
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    Are you both still exclusive? Have you clarified that?
    Well when we first met she said this was her first date ever, and she said she hasn't been in a relationship before either (Well technically she said she was with someone for 6 months but she expressed it didn't feel like a real relationship because it was long distance so she ended it) On this basis I just assumed that she wasn't seeing anyone else (again, perhaps foolishly I should of asked anyway just to be clear) :/
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    Well when we first met she said this was her first date ever, and she said she hasn't been in a relationship before either (Well technically she said she was with someone for 6 months but she expressed it didn't feel like a real relationship because it was long distance so she ended it) On this basis I just assumed that she wasn't seeing anyone else (again, perhaps foolishly I should of asked anyway just to be clear) :/
    I would check if I were you. You want to be on the same page.

    If she is taking it in turns with a load of other lads, no worries. Just use the opportunity to play the field yourself whilst she makes up her mind.
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    (Original post by Ruffiio)
    She said she likes me but isn't sure whether she wants a relationship out of it yet .. she is busy at the moment .. the ball is in her court once again now
    She's probably pursuing/****ing someone else at uni, so don't wait up. If you'd like to be exclusive with her then tell her that, if she agrees then see when she'd like to see you (don't let her off the hook). If she doesn't, then look elsewhere and pick things up again if/when she finally sorts her life out and realises it's bad form to go cold on a date. Life's too short to be left hanging..
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    Move on; pretend she doesn't exist anymore. Don't waste your time. If she is interested she will be in touch. If she isn't she will never be in touch again. With this approach you're the winner either way.
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    She's probably pursuing/****ing someone else at uni, so don't wait up. If you'd like to be exclusive with her then tell her that, if she agrees then see when she'd like to see you (don't let her off the hook). If she doesn't, then look elsewhere and pick things up again if/when she finally sorts her life out and realises it's bad form to go cold on a date. Life's too short to be left hanging..
    (Original post by Mastermind`)
    Move on; pretend she doesn't exist anymore. Don't waste your time. If she is interested she will be in touch. If she isn't she will never be in touch again. With this approach you're the winner either way.
    Will do, cheers for the advice. Feelsbadman.
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    Well it's been 2 weeks and I still haven't heard back from her despite her telling me she would message me when she is free.
    Feelsbadman

    Got a massive urge to confront her like a beta male one last time just to get everything I'm thinking off my chest as I feel like it will honestly allow me to find closure within myself and move on.. something like:

    "Let's be honest here, you're not busy, you're an unemployed student whom only has lectures twice a week from what you have told me, it's not like you're a single mum with a full time job or anything like that. The reality is, if someone is interested they'll make time to see the person regardless of how difficult the circumstances may be. And let's be honest, it's BS to think that you've had no time whatsoever over the course of an entire month to meet up.

    I find it disrespectful that despite me confronting you about this and clearly telling you that i would very much prefer it if someone were to tell me they're not interested than give false hope when in reality they're not interested you continue to do just that, give the impression you're interested when in reality you're not. "i'd still like for us to hang out, just so you know I do like you, when i'm free I will say."

    You continue to send hints in the hopes I'll finally realize that you're no longer interested such as 'busy, maybe next week' continuously, and hope that I'll finally back off from you, and I got your hints quite clearly.

    However, In truth all I wanted was some human decency and respect for you to tell me the truth which I expected from someone having invested my time in them for over a month. Maybe I scared you off by bringing up the topic of "us", after all that was the last time I saw you in person after bringing that up, when in reality all I wanted was to communicate both of our expectations like a mature person. If all you wanted was a more casual relationship or to slow down a bit then I would have been happy with that, you didn't have to run away immaturely.

    or the second, more light-hearted approach "Hey, are you finished giving me hints to back off yet, or are we actually going to meet? *wink* "

    feelsbadman don't want to let this girl loose inb4 creep alert FML just going to come across as desperate, frustrated and needy.
 
 
 
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