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University flat problem, annoying flatmates?
Hey guys, wasn't sure where I should post this! So I opted for here because it's sort of a problem to do with relationships (relationships with my flatmates to be precise), and because it's the only place where I could find the "post as anonymous" tick-box! I hate posting anonymously but I was scared one of my flatmates would come on here and see that I'd posted this.
Basically, we're in our second year of uni, in a flat where me and this guy have the joint smallest rooms (and they are actually rather tiny), and the two other girls have nice sized rooms. We decided to change flats next year so whilst me and the other guy have gone home, the two girls in the nice sized rooms have stayed up at uni looking for potential flats. They found a nice one that they fell in love with, but it has two doubles and two singles. For some reason I automatically assumed me and the other guy would be entitled to the bigger rooms next time round due to the fact we are in the smallest rooms this year. Seems I was being presumptious and demanding because the two other girls want the big doubles. I know, I know. This sounds very very petty, but it really annoys me. Surely it's fair to take turns in who gets the good rooms? The reasons they say I shouldn't get a double are because my boyfriend has a double bed in his bedroom and that I often spend time there, whilst everyone else spends most of their time in our flat. I spend lots of time at my boyfriend's flat because my room is so tiny I really don't have a desk to work at and I find it hard doing any proper work just sitting on my bed. I feel they are ganging up on me in a way, since the two of them are up there and I just imagine them discussing amongst each other how they can make me give in and let them have the good rooms. They are quite close, but I fail to see how they can think it's fair to tell me I should have one of the smallest rooms again because my boyfriend has a double. I'd like to know other people's opinions because if I am being unfair and I can't see why I am, I'd like to know! Whilst talking to my flatmate (the one who doesn't think I should get a big bedroom) over msn last night, she told me that she and the other girl are upset because I'm not even willing to compromise and take a single, and that I am basically demanding a double. To me it just all seems a bit bitchy and I hate it! I am not good in these situations and I think maybe the other girls know that and they are using it to their advantage. I always let people walk all over me but this time I really think I should stand up for myself. I know this sounds like a really petty topic, but it's actually making me pretty upset. Just stressing out over the other two girls ganging up and trying to shove me into another small room, and the fact that I hate confrontation and bad vibes between people! Any suggestions or opinions anyone?
Basically, we're in our second year of uni, in a flat where me and this guy have the joint smallest rooms (and they are actually rather tiny), and the two other girls have nice sized rooms. We decided to change flats next year so whilst me and the other guy have gone home, the two girls in the nice sized rooms have stayed up at uni looking for potential flats. They found a nice one that they fell in love with, but it has two doubles and two singles. For some reason I automatically assumed me and the other guy would be entitled to the bigger rooms next time round due to the fact we are in the smallest rooms this year. Seems I was being presumptious and demanding because the two other girls want the big doubles. I know, I know. This sounds very very petty, but it really annoys me. Surely it's fair to take turns in who gets the good rooms? The reasons they say I shouldn't get a double are because my boyfriend has a double bed in his bedroom and that I often spend time there, whilst everyone else spends most of their time in our flat. I spend lots of time at my boyfriend's flat because my room is so tiny I really don't have a desk to work at and I find it hard doing any proper work just sitting on my bed. I feel they are ganging up on me in a way, since the two of them are up there and I just imagine them discussing amongst each other how they can make me give in and let them have the good rooms. They are quite close, but I fail to see how they can think it's fair to tell me I should have one of the smallest rooms again because my boyfriend has a double. I'd like to know other people's opinions because if I am being unfair and I can't see why I am, I'd like to know! Whilst talking to my flatmate (the one who doesn't think I should get a big bedroom) over msn last night, she told me that she and the other girl are upset because I'm not even willing to compromise and take a single, and that I am basically demanding a double. To me it just all seems a bit bitchy and I hate it! I am not good in these situations and I think maybe the other girls know that and they are using it to their advantage. I always let people walk all over me but this time I really think I should stand up for myself. I know this sounds like a really petty topic, but it's actually making me pretty upset. Just stressing out over the other two girls ganging up and trying to shove me into another small room, and the fact that I hate confrontation and bad vibes between people! Any suggestions or opinions anyone?
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Eek, how awkward. Well personally, I think it would be fair to let you have the biggest room - that's the way my flatmates are organising it. However, it looks like no-one's willing to give in, so could you just pick straws? That way no-one has to make the decision, and could save the relationship between you guys. I know I'd rather have a smaller room and get on with my flatmates. Do people with the smaller rooms pay less? We decided to do that too. I know it's not fair, but it's a very tricky situation to resolve otherwise...poor you.
Yeah, I'm kinda swaying towards the idea of picking straws. It's just it's making me think of them differently now, as I would have thought any decent person would take in turns with who gets the best room. And it's making me feel quite bitter towards them for some reason @:\ I don't like it, but I think they are being quite mean. It will kinda feel as if they've "won" if we pick straws. Because in my opinion they should have the single rooms and I think they know that deep down, so picking straws for them would be quite good since they have nothing to lose (ie. I should get a big room but could (and will probably) pick a small room! And they should get a small room but unfortunately could get a big room). But yeah, I really don't want to keep arguing as it makes me get stressed and stuff. But then I think I shouldn't back down!! Oh, I dunno...
wesetters
Wellk they put the effort in looking for the flat...
Hmm.. not sure if that means anything. I offered quite a lot whilst I was up there to go out flat hunting but they kept saying it was too early and we should wait until we all got back after easter. I was glad they went out flat hunting, but I don't think it entitles them to have the best rooms again just because they wait until me and the guy go home for easter before they look for flats. I can't help living 500 miles away from uni @
Nix!
Lie. Tell them you've broken up with your bf. Either that or find a flat for yourself. I personally wouldn't want to live with such vindictive people.
Simple moral of the story: Never assume anything with flatmates.
Simple moral of the story: Never assume anything with flatmates.
Hahaha yeah I suggested doing that whilst speaking with my boyfriend. I don't know if I could make it believable though!
God, if I were them I know I would let the people with the rubbish rooms this time have the better ones next time. I'd just feel stupid and bad if I didn't let them!
It'd be lovely to find a gorgeous flat with 4 big rooms but I'm not sure it's that likely. There haven't been any yet. Well, none for under £300 a month each, and we don't really want to go over that by too much. I'm going to keep looking on websites though because that would be a great situation and we wouldn't have to worry about this whole mess!
L0RA
Hmm, i'd look at this very differently to be honest. We saw a gorgeous house with three doubles and one single we decided that it WASNT gorgeous because one of the rooms was too small.
We kept looking and have got a house with four doubles that IS gorgeous.
We kept looking and have got a house with four doubles that IS gorgeous.
12 bedroom house, all doubles next year
Guess who shot-gunned the 'biggest' room?
Muehaha.
I say 'biggest', but it's hardly noticable.
Nix!
12 bedroom house, all doubles next year
Guess who shot-gunned the 'biggest' room?
Muehaha.
I say 'biggest', but it's hardly noticable.
Guess who shot-gunned the 'biggest' room?
Muehaha.
I say 'biggest', but it's hardly noticable.
Woah I don't envy the compilation of a cleaning rota in a 12-person house! Nightmare, surely?
Schokis
Woah I don't envy the compilation of a cleaning rota in a 12-person house! Nightmare, surely?
Well, the people I'm moving in with tend to be mostly clean. But I'm long past the point of caring about mess after living where I have for two years. It only takes one to make a mess and living with six blokes, it's not a small mess either.
I'll deal with that when I come to it.
Schokis
Woah I don't envy the compilation of a cleaning rota in a 12-person house! Nightmare, surely?
I don't envy anyone who has to share a kitchen with 11 other people.
Anonymous
It'd be lovely to find a gorgeous flat with 4 big rooms but I'm not sure it's that likely. There haven't been any yet. Well, none for under £300 a month each, and we don't really want to go over that by too much. I'm going to keep looking on websites though because that would be a great situation and we wouldn't have to worry about this whole mess!
I'm not saying find a place with four big rooms - i know this is hard but its not normally that hard to find a place with similar sized rooms. Maybe you should have started looking before now
Anonymous
she told me that she and the other girl are upset because I'm not even willing to compromise and take a single
Maybe you should educate her on what compromise actually is.
Why don't you keep searching till you find a house you're all happy with?
In my house for July, one girl has a massive room and I and another have smallish ones, but it's a cool house, I'll be glad to live with them and someone has to have the big room. (Still want it though, grrr!
)Anonymous
God, if I were them I know I would let the people with the rubbish rooms this time have the better ones next time. I'd just feel stupid and bad if I didn't let them!
God, if I were them I know I would let the people with the rubbish rooms this time have the better ones next time. I'd just feel stupid and bad if I didn't let them!
would you really though? if you thought there was a way you could persuade the other person? people are generally selfish.
i know its not the same situation as me and my friends are staying in the same house; but i might have to swap into the smallest room (i don't have the biggest room, second smallest actually) and while im really trying to see it from her point of view at the same time i know when it actually comes up im going to be really selfish about it and try as hard as possible not to move...
it sucks having to give up your room.
but seeing as your moving to a different house then why aren't you just picking straws? is that not what you did last year?
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