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So I broke up with my ex around 11 months ago and I still don't feel 100% over them. They were the first person I ever really liked/dated and we only dated for like a month. I didn't break up with them because I stopped liking them but because of my upcoming year abroad and not wanting to attempt a ldr because we're both pretty horrific at non face to face communication. (Also other issues but they're not really relevant)

I still think about them pretty often and I definitely miss them. I don't really want to date anyone right now but I don't want to spend the rest of my YA thinking about them.

I don't know whether I miss them because I still like them or because I just miss being with someone because I'm definitely more lonely here and don't have the same support system/friendship group I had at home (It's not the best year of my life like some people's YAs). Also I've always had self-esteem issues and my self-esteem is pretty low so I guess I also miss feeling like someone really liked me.

Also we never really had closure. When I broke up with them I didn't really explain why I was doing it, they were really nice and just accepted it and we remained (somewhat tense) friends. We never really talked about our relationship again. I really wish I had talked to them properly now because I think it's a big part of the reason why I'm still a little bit hung up on them. I'm pretty sure they know that I didn't stop liking them but it was never said out loud.

The main problem with trying to get closure is that I haven't seen/spoken to this person in over 5 months and they've had a new partner for over 9. It wouldn't really be fair on them if I suddenly started bringing stuff up now, I'm really happy that they're happy and I don't want to be selfish. Also I'm pretty sure they'd think I was a bit weird for still being hung up on them after all this time! (They're obviously not facing the same problem as me!) Also our friendship got really tense in the last couple of months so I'm not sure how it would be received on that front.

I don't want them back (that ship sailed a looooooong time ago) but I would really like to move on with my life and feel like I might be able to feel the way I felt about them, about someone else.

So, how to I get closure and move on, on my own?

P.S, if you made it to the end, thanks for listening to my ramblings, I can't really talk about it with my friends because I think I was starting to annoy them by talking about it!

Reply 1

Kevin De Bruyne

It sounds like you've already diagnosed why you feel like that. A few months after university started I also felt lonely, had low self esteem and missed someone liking me so I kind of know how you feel. :hugs:

Maybe you just need to have him completely out of your life so that he's out of your mind. You've said that you haven't spoken in 5 months, but that could mean that he does have ways of contacting you but just doesn't use them as a mutual silence. Maybe it would be best to just block them completely. And if you have photos, messages, anything that reminds you of them, get rid of them. If this does what it should, you'll think about him less and less over time and eventually feel (almost) completely over him, though you know what they say about the first person you dated/really liked...

Maybe a good thing to do would just be to keep talking to your friendship group as well as friends at university (I assume you're doing a year at university right now before a YA). I know that you said that you don't really want to date anyone, but having good friends in your space can make you feel really happy, and who knows, if they're guys and over time you feel ready and they've harboured feelings for you then something could happen when you're not expecting it.

If this was at all useful then you're more than welcome to PM me if you want to 'ramble' (which this post really wasn't) or vent or just talk about anything. :h:

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