I'm sexually frustrated, but I don't want to have sex

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Anonymous #1
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I masturbate quite a lot and constantly feel horny (a lot more lately since I feel like I've been alone far too long and everyone else is out there in relationships, etc, especially my friends.) But when it comes to actual sex, with a person, I don't seem to want it...Like when I kiss people all of these feelings seem to go away, and I end up not wanting to be with them. When they try things with me, I never feel turned on. In the past I've just done it for the sake of it, as I never dared to say no, but I've never wanted to.

This is so confusing because when I'm masturbating I always fantasise about sex and even read stories to get a clear picture. I also get pleasure from masturbating and have sexual dreams. (Sorry if TMI, just wanted to show that I surely can't be asexual.)

I have a few guys that I know I could have sex with (as I talked to a few of them, and one is a friend, and would they really say no?) But I know that if I actually went for it then I wouldn't feel like I wanted it...I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why I don't want it.

I'm not really sure what to do...I'm actually so frustrated at the moment.

Yeah, and I'm a girl btw!
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Kevin De Bruyne
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:dontknow: Maybe you want to be with someone that you have an emotional connection with?
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thecatwithnohat
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Maybe...guys are the problem?

Have you tried experimenting with girls?
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You Love Me
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Find something useful to do,
Don't spend your nights alone
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Alexys23
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I think is normal if u been alone for a long time with no sexual contact with anyone, and u been just masturbating is harder to get aroused when u r with someone because u r not accustomed in being with another person .. i think u should find someone u like feel good with and of course sexual atractted to him/her and start from there in the beginning will be hard but after everything will came back to normal.
Just when u find that person dont masturbate anymore so when u r with him/her u will feel more aroused ..
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Smonnie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I masturbate quite a lot and constantly feel horny (a lot more lately since I feel like I've been alone far too long and everyone else is out there in relationships, etc, especially my friends.) But when it comes to actual sex, with a person, I don't seem to want it...Like when I kiss people all of these feelings seem to go away, and I end up not wanting to be with them. When they try things with me, I never feel turned on. In the past I've just done it for the sake of it, as I never dared to say no, but I've never wanted to.

This is so confusing because when I'm masturbating I always fantasise about sex and even read stories to get a clear picture. I also get pleasure from masturbating and have sexual dreams. (Sorry if TMI, just wanted to show that I surely can't be asexual.)

I have a few guys that I know I could have sex with (as I talked to a few of them, and one is a friend, and would they really say no?) But I know that if I actually went for it then I wouldn't feel like I wanted it...I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why I don't want it.

I'm not really sure what to do...I'm actually so frustrated at the moment.

Yeah, and I'm a girl btw!
Yes, it could be that you like ladies, or that you want someone with whom you are in a meaningful relationship.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
When they try things with me, I never feel turned on. In the past I've just done it for the sake of it, as I never dared to say no, but I've never wanted to.
Afaic, this is the only point you made in your OP that is worrying. Perhaps this isn't the way you meant it, but you make it sound like you went along with someone's sexual advances because you were scared of the consequences of not doing so. That suggests that what took place was somewhere on the spectrum of being coerced into sexual activity.

It's not good if it was a case of you feeling you should (you 'coercing' yourself, so to speak). You should respect your own desires and say no if you don't want to, not do it because you feel it's "the thing to do". If it was at the other end of the spectrum (feeling physically threatened), it's rather scary. I seriously hope that wasn't ever the case in any of the episodes you're referring to.
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DrID
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Only on TSR could a non-troll thread start with the words "I masturbate quite a lot"
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by thecatwithnohat)
Maybe...guys are the problem?

Have you tried experimenting with girls?
I fantasise about guys and find guys attractive. I've never felt as if I want to have sex with a girl, so I'm guessing that isn't the issue?

(Original post by SeanFM)
:dontknow: Maybe you want to be with someone that you have an emotional connection with?
(Original post by Smonnie)
Yes, it could be that you like ladies, or that you want someone with whom you are in a meaningful relationship.
I don't think I like girls, as I find guys attractive. Even if I did want to have an emotional connection with someone, surely I would still feel something when I try to have sex now, like my body wouldn't just completely shut down?

Also, I feel as if I will never have an emotional connection with anyone, which makes this even harder. I always feel as if it will all be fine once I'm in a relationship, but I know that will never happen. I really am so frustrated and impatient, and I just have no idea what's wrong with me, since I seem to want it quite badly. I just wish I could enjoy it with someone.

(Original post by Alexys23)
I think is normal if u been alone for a long time with no sexual contact with anyone, and u been just masturbating is harder to get aroused when u r with someone because u r not accustomed in being with another person .. i think u should find someone u like feel good with and of course sexual atractted to him/her and start from there in the beginning will be hard but after everything will came back to normal.
Just when u find that person dont masturbate anymore so when u r with him/her u will feel more aroused ..
Thanks for the advice. This may be the case, but I will probably never know. As I said above, I just feel like I will never find anyone and be stuck in this state forever, never knowing the real feeling.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Afaic, this is the only point you made in your OP that is worrying. Perhaps this isn't the way you meant it, but you make it sound like you went along with someone's sexual advances because you were scared of the consequences of not doing so. That suggests that what took place was somewhere on the spectrum of being coerced into sexual activity.

It's not good if it was a case of you feeling you should (you 'coercing' yourself, so to speak). You should respect your own desires and say no if you don't want to, not do it because you feel it's "the thing to do". If it was at the other end of the spectrum (feeling physically threatened), it's rather scary. I seriously hope that wasn't ever the case in any of the episodes you're referring to.
I know it's quite unhealthy. I've never been physically threatened. I've always given consent. But everytime I just feared saying no (I've sat for a while trying to describe my thought process in some way, but I can't...I'm not sure why, but I just always went along with it. I wasn't raped or anything.
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Smonnie
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Definitely sounds like an emotional issue.
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Anonymous #2
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I've had similar frustrations. But don't force it or fake it, that's the worst thing to do.

I'm not trying to being negative here, but you have to ask yourself how happy really are those people you see in relationships that you're jealous of? I'm not saying they're all miserable and faking their happiness, but my point is that you just don't really know what it's like for them. If you have to fake it to feel like you're feeling the same, you're no better off (in fact you'd probably be worse off) than you are now.

I don't know if that makes any sense. it may be that I have no idea what I'm talking about, or I do but I'm just not articulating it very well.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Smonnie)
Definitely sounds like an emotional issue.
What do you mean? Like it's about an emotional attachment to someone?

(Original post by Anonymous)
I've had similar frustrations. But don't force it or fake it, that's the worst thing to do.

I'm not trying to being negative here, but you have to ask yourself how happy really are those people you see in relationships that you're jealous of? I'm not saying they're all miserable and faking their happiness, but my point is that you just don't really know what it's like for them. If you have to fake it to feel like you're feeling the same, you're no better off (in fact you'd probably be worse off) than you are now.

I don't know if that makes any sense. it may be that I have no idea what I'm talking about, or I do but I'm just not articulating it very well.
Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you. It's just the whole frustration that gets to me, and I'm struggling so much with it.
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Smonnie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What do you mean? Like it's about an emotional attachment to someone?
Yes, particularly since you just said you don't see yourself ever being emotionally close with someone.

That plus your original issue suggests that you are afraid to let someone close enough to actually be intimate with them. Hence 'closing up'.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Smonnie)
Yes, particularly since you just said you don't see yourself ever being emotionally close with someone.

That plus your original issue suggests that you are afraid to let someone close enough to actually be intimate with them. Hence 'closing up'.
But surely I'd still get some enjoyment from sex? I really don't want to get into a relationship (which probably won't happen anyway), and end up in the same way.
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Anonymous #3
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I feel the same way as the OP; I don't feel the need for labels for everything but have you considered the fact you might be asexual (or somewhere on that spectrum). Just because you have the biological drive for sex doesn't mean you aren't.
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honestly
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I masturbate quite a lot and constantly feel horny (a lot more lately since I feel like I've been alone far too long and everyone else is out there in relationships, etc, especially my friends.) But when it comes to actual sex, with a person, I don't seem to want it...Like when I kiss people all of these feelings seem to go away, and I end up not wanting to be with them. When they try things with me, I never feel turned on. In the past I've just done it for the sake of it, as I never dared to say no, but I've never wanted to.

This is so confusing because when I'm masturbating I always fantasise about sex and even read stories to get a clear picture. I also get pleasure from masturbating and have sexual dreams. (Sorry if TMI, just wanted to show that I surely can't be asexual.)

I have a few guys that I know I could have sex with (as I talked to a few of them, and one is a friend, and would they really say no?) But I know that if I actually went for it then I wouldn't feel like I wanted it...I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why I don't want it.

I'm not really sure what to do...I'm actually so frustrated at the moment.

Yeah, and I'm a girl btw!
I jest not; prayer.
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Mpagtches
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(Original post by honestly)
I jest not; prayer.
Honestly, honestly?
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honestly
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(Original post by Mpagtches)
Honestly, honestly?
absolutely. :-)
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I masturbate quite a lot and constantly feel horny (a lot more lately since I feel like I've been alone far too long and everyone else is out there in relationships, etc, especially my friends.) But when it comes to actual sex, with a person, I don't seem to want it...Like when I kiss people all of these feelings seem to go away, and I end up not wanting to be with them. When they try things with me, I never feel turned on. In the past I've just done it for the sake of it, as I never dared to say no, but I've never wanted to.

This is so confusing because when I'm masturbating I always fantasise about sex and even read stories to get a clear picture. I also get pleasure from masturbating and have sexual dreams. (Sorry if TMI, just wanted to show that I surely can't be asexual.)

I have a few guys that I know I could have sex with (as I talked to a few of them, and one is a friend, and would they really say no?) But I know that if I actually went for it then I wouldn't feel like I wanted it...I really don't know what's wrong with me, and why I don't want it.

I'm not really sure what to do...I'm actually so frustrated at the moment.

Yeah, and I'm a girl btw!
You are what is known as a Unicorn! dont go YOLO and start riding D**K what ever you do. When you get a little bit older men will go crazy for a girl that isnt a complete SLOOT!

Trust in the anon & dont go YOLO!
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asdfaeth
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I think it's because* you don't have a huge crush/love them. I'm like that but u noticed I'm only turned on if I really really like them


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