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Falling in love with my flatmate watch

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    I fell asleep at 8 last night and I had a dream that my flatmate and I started dating. I don't usually have vivid dreams, but this was so realistic that I woke up and genuinely thought I was dating my flatmate. The worst part is that I felt so upset that I wasn't, leading me to my epiphany that, dun dun dun... I fancy my flatmate. We've got really close recently; he's pretty much the only person I spend time with. We're planning on moving in together next year, with three other people. I really enjoy his company and he makes me laugh and we like watching Brooklyn Nine Nine and Community together. We did a library all nighter on Tuesday and I genuinely haven't laughed that hard in a long time. My other flatmate asked me a few days ago if I fancied him and I was like pfft no awkward, but now I've had to confess to her that I think I do. But the weird thing is, if I look back on our friendship, he's been quite flirtatious, like if I say "it's hot in here" he says stuff like "ah maybe you'd better leave then". I've noticed he's been bringing up his ex girlfriends a lot, which totally bummed me out without realising. I don't really know what to do. I really value his friendship and I don't want to lose out on him being in my life by making a move. I've never actually been in a proper relationship before and I've only kissed 3 other people, all whilst drunk. I know sex won't be a problem because he's saving himself for marriage (he's very Christian, I'm atheist, but we accept each other) and I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Idk. Just any thoughts on what I should do? The kiss in my dream was so real and now I just crave something more from him.
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    (Original post by heyitstommo)
    I fell asleep at 8 last night and I had a dream that my flatmate and I started dating. I don't usually have vivid dreams, but this was so realistic that I woke up and genuinely thought I was dating my flatmate. The worst part is that I felt so upset that I wasn't, leading me to my epiphany that, dun dun dun... I fancy my flatmate. We've got really close recently; he's pretty much the only person I spend time with. We're planning on moving in together next year, with three other people. I really enjoy his company and he makes me laugh and we like watching Brooklyn Nine Nine and Community together. We did a library all nighter on Tuesday and I genuinely haven't laughed that hard in a long time. My other flatmate asked me a few days ago if I fancied him and I was like pfft no awkward, but now I've had to confess to her that I think I do. But the weird thing is, if I look back on our friendship, he's been quite flirtatious, like if I say "it's hot in here" he says stuff like "ah maybe you'd better leave then". I've noticed he's been bringing up his ex girlfriends a lot, which totally bummed me out without realising. I don't really know what to do. I really value his friendship and I don't want to lose out on him being in my life by making a move. I've never actually been in a proper relationship before and I've only kissed 3 other people, all whilst drunk. I know sex won't be a problem because he's saving himself for marriage (he's very Christian, I'm atheist, but we accept each other) and I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. Idk. Just any thoughts on what I should do? The kiss in my dream was so real and now I just crave something more from him.
    I'm drunk but let me just say it.

    do it, don't be in my sitution where im friendzoned. Just spent an hour drunk texting her. and you dont want to be in that situation brudda. just do it.
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    As far as anybody's concerned you don't have anything to lose -- if your friendship's the thing you want to sanctify and keep together, don't go into a relationship, but I think you know that you want to explore the boundaries, so, you have to do one very simple thing, which is just talk to him.

    Like, be forthright about how you feel.
    If he rebuffs you, yeah, it'll be awkward for a few days.
    If he doesn't, then cool!

    Make sure he feels similarly, and I know I don't know the guy but the "preserving virginity until marriage" thing at uni turns out to be bull**** quite often, they do tend to lose it to somebody and have no qualms, they just don't tell Mum and Dad.
    I can't tell you how many girls and guys I know who went to uni and said "I'm staying a virgin" and ended up sleeping with their flat mate or the bar girl in her second year at one of the student union Freshers dos.

    Make sure he isn't there for a ride, be young, have fun, but don't take it all serious and have some fun with it, just don't get hurt or anything, make sure he's genuine about it all.
    The ex-girlfriends thing... I dunno that puts me on red alert. Whenever I meet a guy who's talking about his ex-girlfriends a lot, regardless of whether he's interested in me or not, it can be pretty off-putting, especially if he's dissing them. Its like the guy's a bunny boiler, and I wouldn't want to be one of his exes. I also find men tend to keep history, history. Not all of them, but most of them. So whenever a guy comes along who's still fishing around in old relationships and publicly discussing them, I tend to walk away, cos A. There's some emotional baggage that he's still carrying and I don't wanna help him by being a rebound or whatever, I like to date men who are "so over it" with clean slates, (I like learning about their exes, just not at the beginning of a relationship or friendship when I want to know about them as people) and B. Cos they may think they're making me jealous by discussing it. I don't wanna be a jealous girlfriend, so I'm not gonna pander to what he's saying about somebody he used to see.

    Establish as well this; you're living with this bloke, y'know, you plan to live with him for the next few years in accommodation, living with somebody is very intimate, if you spark a relationship and it ends and you're still living together, its going to be hard if he sees somebody new or you do, and you're bringing them back to the place.
    Write a list, draw up your options, pros and cons. I don't think there's any harm in trying but then again, I've always taken risks with stuff like this.
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    (Original post by heyitstommo)
    But the weird thing is, if I look back on our friendship, he's been quite flirtatious, like if I say "it's hot in here" he says stuff like "ah maybe you'd better leave then"
    Banter. I can see why you like him, OP.
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    (Original post by sorry13)
    As far as anybody's concerned you don't have anything to lose -- if your friendship's the thing you want to sanctify and keep together, don't go into a relationship, but I think you know that you want to explore the boundaries, so, you have to do one very simple thing, which is just talk to him.

    Like, be forthright about how you feel.
    If he rebuffs you, yeah, it'll be awkward for a few days.
    If he doesn't, then cool!

    Make sure he feels similarly, and I know I don't know the guy but the "preserving virginity until marriage" thing at uni turns out to be bull**** quite often, they do tend to lose it to somebody and have no qualms, they just don't tell Mum and Dad.
    I can't tell you how many girls and guys I know who went to uni and said "I'm staying a virgin" and ended up sleeping with their flat mate or the bar girl in her second year at one of the student union Freshers dos.

    Make sure he isn't there for a ride, be young, have fun, but don't take it all serious and have some fun with it, just don't get hurt or anything, make sure he's genuine about it all.
    The ex-girlfriends thing... I dunno that puts me on red alert. Whenever I meet a guy who's talking about his ex-girlfriends a lot, regardless of whether he's interested in me or not, it can be pretty off-putting, especially if he's dissing them. Its like the guy's a bunny boiler, and I wouldn't want to be one of his exes. I also find men tend to keep history, history. Not all of them, but most of them. So whenever a guy comes along who's still fishing around in old relationships and publicly discussing them, I tend to walk away, cos A. There's some emotional baggage that he's still carrying and I don't wanna help him by being a rebound or whatever, I like to date men who are "so over it" with clean slates, (I like learning about their exes, just not at the beginning of a relationship or friendship when I want to know about them as people) and B. Cos they may think they're making me jealous by discussing it. I don't wanna be a jealous girlfriend, so I'm not gonna pander to what he's saying about somebody he used to see.

    Establish as well this; you're living with this bloke, y'know, you plan to live with him for the next few years in accommodation, living with somebody is very intimate, if you spark a relationship and it ends and you're still living together, its going to be hard if he sees somebody new or you do, and you're bringing them back to the place.
    Write a list, draw up your options, pros and cons. I don't think there's any harm in trying but then again, I've always taken risks with stuff like this.
    Thank you for your advice, very helpful. I'm gonna try and stop thinking about it over Christmas and see if it's maybe because I've been spending all my time with him.


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    (Original post by Uyi 95)
    I'm drunk but let me just say it.

    do it, don't be in my sitution where im friendzoned. Just spent an hour drunk texting her. and you dont want to be in that situation brudda. just do it.
    Ah mate, sorry to hear that. I've been there. I had to delete the bloke's number because I kept drunk texting him.


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    (Original post by heyitstommo)
    Ah mate, sorry to hear that. I've been there. I had to delete the bloke's number because I kept drunk texting him.


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    I messed up sadly . Drunk texting is bad.. now she won't return my calls
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    (Original post by Uyi 95)
    I messed up sadly . Drunk texting is bad.. now she won't return my calls
    Ah mate sorry. You win some you lose some.


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