Girlfriend wants a break? Is it really over? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
My girlfriend has been going out with me for a few years and I have found inner-happiness and I have loved every minute of it, and so has she. I genuinely love her and care for her, and she genuinely loves me and cares for me. We had the most perfect relationship. I loved it and so did she.

Recently, a situation occured which is too personal to mention but it doesn't involve cheating or anything as such, however it has left her distraught, as well as myself. She said she doesn't want to make me 'suffer' and I understand what she means by that, to an extent. I know she needs me and she needs me more than ever, but she claims she wants to 'recover' by herself and she doesn't want to put me through any of it.

Furthermore, she claims she hopes to be back and that she NEEDS to have space and time alone. She claims its a must - I do respect her decision. However, whenever we talk about it, she said she doesn't want any contact with me, she blocks me off of social media including whatsapp and it's leavng me heartbroken. It's unlike her.

My sister has spoken to her and she said that she hopes to be back if she can recover but it's not for definite that she'll be back. She doesn't want to put me through anything.

And whenever I get back in contact with her, she claims that she will try her best to recocer and be back. However, she says 'it's over'. Is it really over? What do I need to do? Is there another guy in the picture? Advise me please.
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Ribenas
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#2
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Don't give her to much time, the more time she has the more time she has to learn how to live without you
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Alexion
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#3
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What was this 'situation'? You're anonymous - letting us know isn't going to affect anyone, but we could probably understand the whole thing better if we knew :/
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redleader1
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Yes I agree with the above poster, we need to know the situation to help you further. Surely if one party is going through a hard time they would want their signifcant other to be with them ?
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Findlay6
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Sounds a bit harsh, if she's claiming it's a break then there needs to be clear rules and boundaries in place. - otherwise she could be on a break with you for potentially months and you're expected to just wait around - how is that fair? It's a waste of your time and leaving you in a vulnerable state.

If I was in this situation, I'd prefer a full break. You can't expect somebody to wait around for you to sort yourself out. If she recovers you two can talk and see if you're both in the right place to start a relationship again. You'll both know if it feels right or not.

Lastly, who cares if there's another guy. If there is, she's doing the half-decent thing in leaving you (albeit in a sh!tty way) instead of cheating.
Recover yourself, you're important too.
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Smonnie
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My girlfriend has been going out with me for a few years and I have found inner-happiness and I have loved every minute of it, and so has she. I genuinely love her and care for her, and she genuinely loves me and cares for me. We had the most perfect relationship. I loved it and so did she.

Recently, a situation occured which is too personal to mention but it doesn't involve cheating or anything as such, however it has left her distraught, as well as myself. She said she doesn't want to make me 'suffer' and I understand what she means by that, to an extent. I know she needs me and she needs me more than ever, but she claims she wants to 'recover' by herself and she doesn't want to put me through any of it.

Furthermore, she claims she hopes to be back and that she NEEDS to have space and time alone. She claims its a must - I do respect her decision. However, whenever we talk about it, she said she doesn't want any contact with me, she blocks me off of social media including whatsapp and it's leavng me heartbroken. It's unlike her.

My sister has spoken to her and she said that she hopes to be back if she can recover but it's not for definite that she'll be back. She doesn't want to put me through anything.

And whenever I get back in contact with her, she claims that she will try her best to recocer and be back. However, she says 'it's over'. Is it really over? What do I need to do? Is there another guy in the picture? Advise me please.
I can't help you - you haven't given enough information. We need to know what she's recovering from to know if it's realistic or not.
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pickup
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#7
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What ever it is, if she doesn't want you around she's not wanting to discuss things anymore with you. She feels that she'll cope better on her own. So, she's not in the same place as you are in this relationship. For whatever reason she's not wanting your imput, emotionally or any other way.

This is surely the end. In a crisis you usually want to discuss things, at least have your nearest and dearest there to support you. If she doesn't then she may have other people who are in that role, female friends? I guess that she feels that you would only add more pressure than she can cope with. It's not necessarily that you are doing anything wrong just that it's wrong for her at this moment. It is possible that your insistence on even talking about it, is absolutely not what she wants right now. If you continuing to contact her, then you are driving her further away.

Unfortunately it's likely that when she sees you around you just remind her of what it is that's hurting her. Your best bet is to respect her wishes and don't contact her. Maybe she'll return but I doubt it.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pickup)
What ever it is, if she doesn't want you around she's not wanting to discuss things anymore with you. She feels that she'll cope better on her own. So, she's not in the same place as you are in this relationship. For whatever reason she's not wanting your imput, emotionally or any other way.

This is surely the end. In a crisis you usually want to discuss things, at least have your nearest and dearest there to support you. If she doesn't then she may have other people who are in that role, female friends? I guess that she feels that you would only add more pressure than she can cope with. It's not necessarily that you are doing anything wrong just that it's wrong for her at this moment. It is possible that your insistence on even talking about it, is absolutely not what she wants right now. If you continuing to contact her, then you are driving her further away.

Unfortunately it's likely that when she sees you around you just remind her of what it is that's hurting her. Your best bet is to respect her wishes and don't contact her. Maybe she'll return but I doubt it.
But I have been there for her through that situation. If it surely is the end, why does she say 'I hope to be back'. Isn't that a bit misleading? I mean, if she knew it was to fully be over, she wouldn't say I hope to be back. I mean, c'mon, she would be straight up with me if she's even telling me that she needs space.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am really struggling, I miss her so much. I really do.

I spoke to her brother and he said that she will be back with you soon however he doesn't know about what had occured. Secondly, he did say whenever you two break up, you always find a way back together, which we do. I'm not too sure what's happening right now.

My life's a mess without her. It's been near enough a week on-and-off talking to her and not talking to her.
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georgiaswift
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OP, you're ignoring all the people who are asking for more information, but those people are the ones who are most likely to provide constructive advice. You're anonymous so none of us have any idea who you are; we just need more information in order to decipher how the situation may pan out.
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by georgiaswift)
OP, you're ignoring all the people who are asking for more information, but those people are the ones who are most likely to provide constructive advice. You're anonymous so none of us have any idea who you are; we just need more information in order to decipher how the situation may pan out.
I understand and I do apologise for that. However, I made a promise to her to never tell anyone about the situation. She is going through a hard time because she's pin-pointed the issue to be this certain situation and I can imagine why it is really difficult for her.

I had spoken to her about it and I apologised to her for being annoying and so forth. She claimed that I shouldn't be sorry because she would be reacting the same way as I have been reacting.
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TheCitizenAct
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Child like and utterly infantile. Real grown-ups don't get to cower in the corner when life deals them a **** hand, they have to find a way to carry on.

She isn't the only one in this relationship and in determining that her feelings are all that matters, she's shown a blatant disregard for yours.

She has pissed on your feelings for her. Show her the same contempt, and forget her. It's hard, but find something else.
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Miss_mischy
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But I have been there for her through that situation. If it surely is the end, why does she say 'I hope to be back'. Isn't that a bit misleading? I mean, if she knew it was to fully be over, she wouldn't say I hope to be back. I mean, c'mon, she would be straight up with me if she's even telling me that she needs space.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am really struggling, I miss her so much. I really do.

I spoke to her brother and he said that she will be back with you soon however he doesn't know about what had occured. Secondly, he did say whenever you two break up, you always find a way back together, which we do. I'm not too sure what's happening right now.

My life's a mess without her. It's been near enough a week on-and-off talking to her and not talking to her.
Maybe she isn't sure herself if she wants to come back or not, or maybe she doesn't want to say it's over because it sounds less harsh to say I might come back. She might just doesn't want to hurt you too much.

Don't make your life depend on her. True happiness comes from within, not from another person. No one can make you happy apart from yourself. So many people get that wrong. If you rely on other people to make you happy, you put a lot of pressure on them to do the right thing and eventually you are disappointed if they can't deliver. However, I don't know you so this might not be the case for you.
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pickup
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But I have been there for her through that situation. If it surely is the end, why does she say 'I hope to be back'. Isn't that a bit misleading? I mean, if she knew it was to fully be over, she wouldn't say I hope to be back. I mean, c'mon, she would be straight up with me if she's even telling me that she needs space.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am really struggling, I miss her so much. I really do.

I spoke to her brother and he said that she will be back with you soon however he doesn't know about what had occured. Secondly, he did say whenever you two break up, you always find a way back together, which we do. I'm not too sure what's happening right now.

My life's a mess without her. It's been near enough a week on-and-off talking to her and not talking to her.
She said ' I hope to be back ' and ' I need space' to be nice to you as she sees it. She just didn't want to be brutal about it. Her brother's opinion is not worth anything. It's her opinion that's the only one that matters.

If she said she wants to be on her own , she means she wants to be on her own. If you contact her, 'pester her' as she sees it , you are widening the gulf between you as she will feel she can't trust you to do what she's asked.

You talk about a week 'talking and not talking', she's asked you not to contact her. What ever are you doing? Didn't you hear what she said? By trying to contact her you are digging yourself into a hole you'll never get out of.

I know you are hurting but if you love her and respect her, the only thing to do is to behave with dignity and be there for her if she returns ( if you can.) .
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PusE
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Seems like she doesn't want you anymore. People do that, no matter how long you've known them for. They can easily say they want to go on a break, delete you off everything and say it's over. They won't contact you if you're not the one to initiate contact. It's a horrible thing to go through.
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Anonymous #1
#15
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(Original post by pickup)
She said ' I hope to be back ' and ' I need space' to be nice to you as she sees it. She just didn't want to be brutal about it. Her brother's opinion is not worth anything. It's her opinion that's the only one that matters.

If she said she wants to be on her own , she means she wants to be on her own. If you contact her, 'pester her' as she sees it , you are widening the gulf between you as she will feel she can't trust you to do what she's asked.

You talk about a week 'talking and not talking', she's asked you not to contact her. What ever are you doing? Didn't you hear what she said? By trying to contact her you are digging yourself into a hole you'll never get out of.

I know you are hurting but if you love her and respect her, the only thing to do is to behave with dignity and be there for her if she returns ( if you can.) .
I know what you mean. I am aware of what I am doing, in terms of by comtacting her, it's not making things easier. I just cannot live without her and I am hurting an incredible amount, so at times like this, you end up pestering the other half which is wrong.

I need respect her decision, I am aware. I am respecting it as much as I possibly can. I don't know how she's coping without me ether.

I know her better than anyone else. She is a very lovable person, she has a heart of gold and she is truly the most caring person I have ever met. She isn't acting like herself ever since this certain situation occurred, which I understand. It has not only affected her but it has also affected me.

I have actually cried to her and she wasn't responding the way she would, if I ever did feel sad or cry. She did help me stop but it wasn't how she would make me stop. I feel sorry for her, I truly do. She is going through a lot and I can't bare seeing her like this, it hurts my heart.

As a loving partner, you want to be there for another person regardless of the situation. She would be there for anyone who was feeling sad, in need of help of anything or anything as such. It is truly unlike her.

It's a situation that has built-up over time, in terms of, it's been hurting her for a while and she hated talking about it. I never mentioned it but I made her aware of the fact that I was there for her whenever she needed me. It has built-up but her decision to want space is what has caught me off guard. Whenever she has felt down or anything as such, she has contacted me and ended up solving whatever the issue was.

Note: the situation wasn't as a result of me. I have not done anything to hurt her and she has made that clear. She ultimately knows that I am there for her. I know this because if anything was ever my fault, she would tell me straight-up no matter how bad the situation was/is.
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Miss_mischy
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know what you mean. I am aware of what I am doing, in terms of by comtacting her, it's not making things easier. I just cannot live without her and I am hurting an incredible amount, so at times like this, you end up pestering the other half which is wrong.

I need respect her decision, I am aware. I am respecting it as much as I possibly can. I don't know how she's coping without me ether.

I know her better than anyone else. She is a very lovable person, she has a heart of gold and she is truly the most caring person I have ever met. She isn't acting like herself ever since this certain situation occurred, which I understand. It has not only affected her but it has also affected me.

I have actually cried to her and she wasn't responding the way she would, if I ever did feel sad or cry. She did help me stop but it wasn't how she would make me stop. I feel sorry for her, I truly do. She is going through a lot and I can't bare seeing her like this, it hurts my heart.

As a loving partner, you want to be there for another person regardless of the situation. She would be there for anyone who was feeling sad, in need of help of anything or anything as such. It is truly unlike her.

It's a situation that has built-up over time, in terms of, it's been hurting her for a while and she hated talking about it. I never mentioned it but I made her aware of the fact that I was there for her whenever she needed me. It has built-up but her decision to want space is what has caught me off guard. Whenever she has felt down or anything as such, she has contacted me and ended up solving whatever the issue was.

Note: the situation wasn't as a result of me. I have not done anything to hurt her and she has made that clear. She ultimately knows that I am there for her. I know this because if anything was ever my fault, she would tell me straight-up no matter how bad the situation was/is.
You can. If you come from a mindset of 'I can't live without you', you've got a problem. It's not a sign of love.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...e-without-you/
http://whatislovedrcookerly.com/532/...you-real-love/

If you really can't handle it, think about therapy.
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Anonymous #1
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She has now left me and I'm hurting more than anything. She said she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone anymore, and that she wants to be 'free'. She said that she wishes to enjoy life and that she's young.

She said she can't see my face anymore and refuses to see me at all. She's removed all contact with me and she said it's over. She said she wants space and that it's over for real. She has told me to move on.

I'm hurting more than anything. Why has she done this?! Why? I was her everything and she is my everything. I miss her so much and I love her so much.
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llys
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
She has now left me and I'm hurting more than anything. She said she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone anymore, and that she wants to be 'free'. She said that she wishes to enjoy life and that she's young.

She said she can't see my face anymore and refuses to see me at all. She's removed all contact with me and she said it's over. She said she wants space and that it's over for real. She has told me to move on.

I'm hurting more than anything. Why has she done this?! Why? I was her everything and she is my everything. I miss her so much and I love her so much.
It was better to do this than to drag you along with false promises. A quick cut is best. As for why, presumably it's because of the "situation that occurred". Either she feels she did something wrong, or she knows she did not but it is something you can't help her with. Either way it has obviously changed the way she sees you / herself.
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Anonymous #2
#19
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#19
(Original post by Anonymous)
She has now left me and I'm hurting more than anything. She said she doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone anymore, and that she wants to be 'free'. She said that she wishes to enjoy life and that she's young.

She said she can't see my face anymore and refuses to see me at all. She's removed all contact with me and she said it's over. She said she wants space and that it's over for real. She has told me to move on.

I'm hurting more than anything. Why has she done this?! Why? I was her everything and she is my everything. I miss her so much and I love her so much.
idk why but it sounds to me like she hurt herself... suicide attempt perhaps? or that she's not in the right mental state?
i think she just gave up on everything and wants to start fresh over with people she doesnt know - she doesn't want to be connected with her old reality i think

just move on bro... i know it's hard but if you don't do it now, you never will, and you won't allow yourself to love
and you know what?
that's one of the top 7 things that people say are their biggest regrets in life when they're laying on their deathbed
you're young, and there's many more women out there who will love you just like she did and more, and who will not hurt you or themselves in the way that she did

good luck!
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