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Male best friend - was this flat out rejection or bad timing? watch

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    I told my best male friend of 10 years that I have feelings for him via email. Sadly for me, he has a serious girlfriend he lives with and I realised it was too painful for me to continue the friendship while watching his relationship.

    Quick background: during the time that we've been friends, he has expressed attraction and deep admiration, respect and love for me. We have lived apart for most of our lives and so nothing could have really happened, but that changed in recent months. I told him that having had time to process my feelings for him more recently, I have realised that I have deeper feelings for him.

    Anyway, I saw his relationship with this woman progressing and panicked, thinking: what if he marries her? His response was really heartfelt, but a gentle rejection I think:

    - He admitted he has been going through a sort of depression for the past 1 1/2 years and said he wanted to see more of me/"take up with this again" once those feelings are resolved.
    - In response to my saying that I had been processing feelings for him - he said he had not yet had the opportunity to process HIS feelings because of his "personal situation".
    - He told me he thinks that "Platonic" friendship is the most profound relationship there is. And that he doesn't want to lose me and wants to pick up where we left off in the future once he's resolved his emotional problems.
    - He said he would give me the time I need to get over my "emotional confusion".
    - Signed off asking when he can reach out/see me again, because he wants to be there for me and help me through a family illness.

    Do we think this was flat out rejection - or possibly a case of bad timing?
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    Do we think this was flat out rejection - or possibly a case of bad timing?

    Both. He rejected your advances kindly but your chances of being together decrease drastically with him being in a relationship. Why would he trade a stable relationship for something that could fail. plus. He also knows he can have you in the future if his current relationship doesn't work out.
    -R
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    (Original post by Ribenas)
    Do we think this was flat out rejection - or possibly a case of bad timing?

    Both. He rejected your advances kindly but your chances of being together decrease drastically with him being in a relationship. Why would he trade a stable relationship for something that could fail. plus. He also knows he can have you in the future if his current relationship doesn't work out.
    -R
    Stop signing of every post with -R smh
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    (Original post by stop888)
    Stop signing of every post with -R smh
    Alternatively, you could stop caring.

    :fight:

    -R
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    (Original post by Ribenas)
    Do we think this was flat out rejection - or possibly a case of bad timing?

    Both. He rejected your advances kindly but your chances of being together decrease drastically with him being in a relationship. Why would he trade a stable relationship for something that could fail. plus. He also knows he can have you in the future if his current relationship doesn't work out.
    -R
    He can't though. He basically said he isn't going to just let me go - but I need him to let me go so I can move on with my life. Also: he gave me the impression his relationship wasn't stable/faltering, so I think he strung me along.

    It's upsetting. He tells me deeply admires and loves me, that I'm really interesting and tells me I'm "beautiful" regularly. All this and we have a great basis for a relationship, in my opinion. How can I not take this really personally?
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    I think he is unsure himself so it is easier to string you along and be in a relationship than to actually work out his own feelings.

    -R
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    (Original post by Ribenas)
    I think he is unsure himself so it is easier to string you along and be in a relationship than to actually work out his own feelings.

    -R
    He said that he wants go and resolve his feelings and then hopes to see more of me/pick up where we left off after he has done this. My feeling is that is having his cake and eating it too and it's comfortable for him.

    I don't think I am prepared to meet up again though. Why be just friends with someone you love? That would be putting yourself through a lot of pain.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He said that he wants go and resolve his feelings and then hopes to see more of me/pick up where we left off after he has done this. My feeling is that is having his cake and eating it too and it's comfortable for him.

    I don't think I am prepared to meet up again though. Why be just friends with someone you love? That would be putting yourself through a lot of pain.
    I understand.

    -R
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    You can't really blame him..of course any man would move on if a girl that he likes doesn't feel the same way. The fact you told him to wait would have me looking else where, a girl that actually shows interest in him. Rejecting a friendship because he is in a serious relationship is a bit out of order just makes seem jealous.
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    (Original post by LonelyDemon)
    You can't really blame him..of course any man would move on if a girl that he likes doesn't feel the same way. The fact you told him to wait would have me looking else where, a girl that actually shows interest in him. Rejecting a friendship because he is in a serious relationship is a bit out of order just makes seem jealous.
    But he has never expressed having any feelings for me?

    Secondly, this girlfriend is older than him and pushing for commitment. I have enough things going on in my life right now, in terms of family illness and other things. If they do get engaged with a view to marriage I'll probably have some sort of break down. I'm mad about him. It's not healthy and I need to get over it.
 
 
 
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