Moving on after rejection Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hi everyone

I've been in love with my best (female) friend for 2 years. I told her on Thursday. Here's what she said: 'It affects me deeply, I don't know what to say. You're one of my best friends, and I don't date my best friends. I did it in the past and it was a mistake. I don't want to lose you. I really like you as a friend but we will never be more than that. I'm sorry but I have to be honest with you. I know what you're going through and I know how hard it is. I didn't expect this from you at all but I don't blame you, you can't fight this feeling. I hope we can stay friends. I'm really sorry, it hurts me to see you like that'.

Is there a way to move on after this rejection without having to stop seeing her? She's not my best friend for nothing, I would like to stay friends with her too.

Thank you in advance
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shawn_o1
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Can only carry on with what you're supposed to do, whether that be study, job-seeking or your hobbies
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Anonymous #2
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Well from that quote, she seems to really care about you. Try your best to understand that she wants to maintain the relationship between you two as friends a lot - and that's great! Well done for telling her your feelings btw.. I'm sure she really appreciated your honesty and it can only strengthen your friendship!
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Anonymous #3
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not being rude but surely you would have recognised after being best mates and nothing happening between you two already, it was never going to happen! You have got yourself into an awkward situation so man your just gonna have to deal with the consequences. The only person who needs to move on is you, she clearly does not like you in that way...
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Kevin De Bruyne
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You should temporarily stop seeing her and make sure that you're actually over her if you truly want to be 'best friends'.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well from that quote, she seems to really care about you. Try your best to understand that she wants to maintain the relationship between you two as friends a lot - and that's great! Well done for telling her your feelings btw.. I'm sure she really appreciated your honesty and it can only strengthen your friendship!
Thanks mate

Yes I'm sure she cares about me, just like I care about her. We're really good friends, that was just the beginning, we kept speaking after that part and she kept apologizing. I would never have had the balls to say that to another girl but with her everything is easy. Our friendship is really strong. The problem is that she's a beautiful girl so when there is a party or we go to a club (I don't often go there, don't like it but sometimes I decide to go with them), some friends/other guys get intimate with her and she's not shy so... I feel really really bad when it happens.
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Savage R3N3GAD3
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That sounds okay. You can keep her on as a superficial friend, occasional text every once in a while, maybe drop her a generic Christmas card, that sort of thing. It's fine, no problem. Find other women to have sex with.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
not being rude but surely you would have recognised after being best mates and nothing happening between you two already, it was never going to happen! You have got yourself into an awkward situation so man your just gonna have to deal with the consequences. The only person who needs to move on is you, she clearly does not like you in that way...
I knew it she didn't have feelings for me even before telling her. I didn't even ask her anything, I just told her I liked her very much. I dunno, I just wanted her to know. Maybe I thought it would fix things but nothing has changed. And at least I'm sure she isn't interested in me. I was about 99% convinced, and the last 1% was annoying.

About the end of your post... yeah I never said the opposite.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by SeanFM)
You should temporarily stop seeing her and make sure that you're actually over her if you truly want to be 'best friends'.
Thanks. It's gonna take ages though. The only way to be over would be to find another girl and it hasn't happened in the last 4 years so... Or a job. But that could take some time too.

(Original post by Savage R3N3GAD3)
That sounds okay. You can keep her on as a superficial friend, occasional text every once in a while, maybe drop her a generic Christmas card, that sort of thing. It's fine, no problem. Find other women to have sex with.
Not sure if you were serious but no thanks. We're way closer than that and I didn't want her to be a "women to have sex with".
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jazjaz
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks mate

Yes I'm sure she cares about me, just like I care about her. We're really good friends, that was just the beginning, we kept speaking after that part and she kept apologizing. I would never have had the balls to say that to another girl but with her everything is easy. Our friendship is really strong. The problem is that she's a beautiful girl so when there is a party or we go to a club (I don't often go there, don't like it but sometimes I decide to go with them), some friends/other guys get intimate with her and she's not shy so... I feel really really bad when it happens.
OMG you will only torture yourself being around her. Let go NOW. Do you really want to be with someone who has hooked up with people right in front of your face?? Wow some of you men astound me with what you put up with... And you have feeling for her? Come on son, have some standards. Yeah, sounds like she is best kept as a friend you dodged a bullet. It won't be easy but create some distance, go out and have a life separate from her and meet other (quality) women.
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Illiberal Liberal
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(Original post by jazjaz)
OMG you will only torture yourself being around her. Let go NOW. Do you really want to be with someone who has hooked up with people right in front of your face?? Wow some of you men astound me with what you put up with... And you have feeling for her? Come on son, have some standards. Yeah, sounds like she is best kept as a friend you dodged a bullet. It won't be easy but create some distance, go out and have a life separate from her and meet other (quality) women.
This is very good advice imo.

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jazjaz)
OMG you will only torture yourself being around her. Let go NOW. Do you really want to be with someone who has hooked up with people right in front of your face?? Wow some of you men astound me with what you put up with... And you have feeling for her? Come on son, have some standards. Yeah, sounds like she is best kept as a friend you dodged a bullet. It won't be easy but create some distance, go out and have a life separate from her and meet other (quality) women.
English is not my first language and I think I made a mistake. Not sure what intimate means here, I shouldn't have used that word. I mean people often touch her, she touches them too. Once she almost kiss a guy but that's it, it doesn't go further.
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UWS
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi everyone

I've been in love with my best (female) friend for 2 years. I told her on Thursday. Here's what she said: 'It affects me deeply, I don't know what to say. You're one of my best friends, and I don't date my best friends. I did it in the past and it was a mistake. I don't want to lose you. I really like you as a friend but we will never be more than that. I'm sorry but I have to be honest with you. I know what you're going through and I know how hard it is. I didn't expect this from you at all but I don't blame you, you can't fight this feeling. I hope we can stay friends. I'm really sorry, it hurts me to see you like that'.

Is there a way to move on after this rejection without having to stop seeing her? She's not my best friend for nothing, I would like to stay friends with her too.

Thank you in advance
I would be prepared for the worst. Now that you've confessed your love for her she will know that every time you meet up. Things may not be the same again and you need to know that.

By all means stay friends but don't get the wrong impression. It's easy to stay attached and want her all the time, even after rejection and you really don't want to lose her so the quicker you accept she doesn't see you that way, the faster you'll move on.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by UWS)
I would be prepared for the worst. Now that you've confessed your love for her she will know that every time you meet up. Things may not be the same again and you need to know that.

By all means stay friends but don't get the wrong impression. It's easy to stay attached and want her all the time, even after rejection and you really don't want to lose her so the quicker you accept she doesn't see you that way, the faster you'll move on.
Thank you for the answer.

I thought about that too and that was one of the reasons why I waited so long to tell her. But I don't think it bothers her that much. We spoke a lot after and she said many times it wouldn't change anything, she would still invite me as much etc. Time will tell I guess but I don't think the friendship will suffer.

I want to accept she doesn't see me that way but I don't know how to do that .
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UWS
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for the answer.

I thought about that too and that was one of the reasons why I waited so long to tell her. But I don't think it bothers her that much. We spoke a lot after and she said many times it wouldn't change anything, she would still invite me as much etc. Time will tell I guess but I don't think the friendship will suffer.

I want to accept she doesn't see me that way but I don't know how to do that .
I will tell you from personal experience that your friendship will never be the same. It's happened to me and I don't even talk to that girl anymore.

Think about it, if your female best friend suddenly confessed her feelings to you but you never looked at her that way, would you really want to be that close? Every time you go out for a casual night, she might be keeping the hope that one day you'll see her more than a friend. But that is false hope because it's not gonna happen.

I want to ask you this. Why do you want to stay that close? Honestly, if you only want to go out with her and you still have feelings for her, there's no reason to be so close if she doesn't see you in the same light. You don't want to get caught up too much with her to be honest.

If you stay friends, i recommend you meet other girls to take your mind off this one. Otherwise if you can't accept it then you have to cut her off altogether. Good luck.
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jazjaz
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(Original post by Illiberal Liberal)
This is very good advice imo.

Cheers

(Original post by Anonymous)
English is not my first language and I think I made a mistake. Not sure what intimate means here, I shouldn't have used that word. I mean people often touch her, she touches them too. Once she almost kiss a guy but that's it, it doesn't go further.
Okay that's a bit different to what I think of intimacy... I suppose she what we would call touchy feely. Still, talking from someone who once liked someone who was touchy feely with just about everyone is still stings somewhat. I don't know about you but I would rather someone reserved that behaviour for special people rather than strangers, associates etc. But did you know, I actually found out later that the guy in question was being touchy feely with everyone but me on purpose to try and make me jealous? It was a case of 'I don't want you, but I still want you to want me (to boost my ego)'. I'm not suggesting this is the case but trust me some people (especially girls) love the attention and ego boosts. All I am saying is be careful.

And the point remains, get out there and build more of a life away from her. Do not become any more emotionally invested in her. I'm not saying you have to ditch her but you need space and to realise the qualities in yourself and that you do have other (probably better) options out there. And when you do find someone who is a better match you can look back and smile and think what I have got is so much better now Leave her to just dance with dudes at the club she'll probably get lonely and jealous when you do find someone. Whatever you do though, don't take her back!!
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Illiberal Liberal
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(Original post by jazjaz)
Okay that's a bit different to what I think of intimacy... I suppose she what we would call touchy feely. Still, talking from someone who once liked someone who was touchy feely with just about everyone is still stings somewhat. I don't know about you but I would rather someone reserved that behaviour for special people rather than strangers, associates etc. But did you know, I actually found out later that the guy in question was being touchy feely with everyone but me on purpose to try and make me jealous? It was a case of 'I don't want you, but I still want you to want me (to boost my ego)'. I'm not suggesting this is the case but trust me some people (especially girls) love the attention and ego boosts. All I am saying is be careful.

And the point remains, get out there and build more of a life away from her. Do not become any more emotionally invested in her. I'm not saying you have to ditch her but you need space and to realise the qualities in yourself and that you do have other (probably better) options out there. And when you do find someone who is a better match you can look back and smile and think what I have got is so much better now Leave her to just dance with dudes at the club she'll probably get lonely and jealous when you do find someone. Whatever you do though, don't take her back!!
PRSOM

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jazjaz)
Okay that's a bit different to what I think of intimacy... I suppose she what we would call touchy feely. Still, talking from someone who once liked someone who was touchy feely with just about everyone is still stings somewhat. I don't know about you but I would rather someone reserved that behaviour for special people rather than strangers, associates etc. But did you know, I actually found out later that the guy in question was being touchy feely with everyone but me on purpose to try and make me jealous? It was a case of 'I don't want you, but I still want you to want me (to boost my ego)'. I'm not suggesting this is the case but trust me some people (especially girls) love the attention and ego boosts. All I am saying is be careful.

And the point remains, get out there and build more of a life away from her. Do not become any more emotionally invested in her. I'm not saying you have to ditch her but you need space and to realise the qualities in yourself and that you do have other (probably better) options out there. And when you do find someone who is a better match you can look back and smile and think what I have got is so much better now Leave her to just dance with dudes at the club she'll probably get lonely and jealous when you do find someone. Whatever you do though, don't take her back!!
Thank you for your help.

I don't like that kind of behaviour either but you know except than that she's really a great person. And if I wasn't in love with her I don't think it would bother me that much. After all I touch her/she touches me too sometimes. The only time that really bothered me is when she was going to kiss that guy she barely knew. But she only did it once.

That was a weird guy to be honest. I mean it's a weird technique...

I don't know if I'll ever find a better match! She's the girl I have liked the most since I was born (I'm 23 btw). If/When she finds a boyfriend it's gonna be really hard for me but she deserves to be happy... She's really a kind girl and she's my best friend and that's more important than the fact that she isn't interested in me. But thanks for the advice I'll def try to do that even though I'm gonna have to chance everything cause my whole life is about her
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by UWS)
I will tell you from personal experience that your friendship will never be the same. It's happened to me and I don't even talk to that girl anymore.

Think about it, if your female best friend suddenly confessed her feelings to you but you never looked at her that way, would you really want to be that close? Every time you go out for a casual night, she might be keeping the hope that one day you'll see her more than a friend. But that is false hope because it's not gonna happen.

I want to ask you this. Why do you want to stay that close? Honestly, if you only want to go out with her and you still have feelings for her, there's no reason to be so close if she doesn't see you in the same light. You don't want to get caught up too much with her to be honest.

If you stay friends, i recommend you meet other girls to take your mind off this one. Otherwise if you can't accept it then you have to cut her off altogether. Good luck.
I hope it's not true. We will know soon though. She has invited me a lot lately, I'll see if she keeps inviting me or not. And anyway I was invited to celebrate new years at her house so I'll see her there and I will see if things are awkward.

I can't answer you to be honest. I don't have a lot of female friends and the situation you describe never happened to me and is hard to imagine. So I have no idea.

I want to stay close to her because she's my best friend and we have a lot of mutual friends... I don't often go out and most of the times it's with them, I have too much to lose.

I'm afraid that you are right. If I really can't control my feelings I'll have to stop seeing her, I know that but I don't want to go so far...

Thank you
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jazjaz
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(Original post by Illiberal Liberal)
PRSOM

Same :cry:

(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you for your help.

I don't like that kind of behaviour either but you know except than that she's really a great person. And if I wasn't in love with her I don't think it would bother me that much. After all I touch her/she touches me too sometimes. The only time that really bothered me is when she was going to kiss that guy she barely knew. But she only did it once.

That was a weird guy to be honest. I mean it's a weird technique...

I don't know if I'll ever find a better match! She's the girl I have liked the most since I was born (I'm 23 btw). If/When she finds a boyfriend it's gonna be really hard for me but she deserves to be happy... She's really a kind girl and she's my best friend and that's more important than the fact that she isn't interested in me. But thanks for the advice I'll def try to do that even though I'm gonna have to chance everything cause my whole life is about her
You say it's weird but don't underestimate the games that people play in order to protect their own fragile ego, we all do it at some point even if it's subconscious and no matter how 'nice' we are because we are only human.

I'm going to give some tough love here I hope you are ready... This is a complete waste of a life and myself being 27 I wasted my youth (albeit, not on men) so please don't waste yours any more. You only get one. And guess what? 99% of us don't get with our first crush, let alone stay with them! But we move onto much better. But you honestly have to believe in better. If you really loved yourself you would not just believe but know that there was someone out there who was available who will offer reciprocity. Being attached to someone who can not offer you anything.

You have a history of being close to her, yes I understand. But take off the rose tinted glasses and get her off of that pedestal. Stop crying over a tuna fish when there are so many other, more exotic specimens in the sea. Of course you don't know it because you have never taken the time to get to know anyone else. Can you really be rational if you think she is the only one worth anything in this world? You can proceed to waste time, energy, emotions and ultimately your life but I can only imagine the resentment and doubt that you will feel in the future.

And you completely turned around what I said and you say that you will be jealous when (if) she gets a boyfriend. My friend, she missed the boat, not you.
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