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Stand up watch

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    hey ppl. im trying out for a school version of american idol and i need some stand up jokes. Can u give me ur best no matter how sad they are :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by mcdaddy22)
    hey ppl. im trying out for a school version of american idol and i need some stand up jokes. Can u give me ur best no matter how sad they are :rolleyes:
    what do you call a guy with a spade in his head_
    Doug!

    hey, you said they could be lame!
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    Q. Why do boxers never have sex before a fight??



    A. Because they don't fancy each other
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    (Original post by Rashmi)
    what do you call a guy with a spade in his head_
    Doug!

    hey, you said they could be lame!
    What do you call a guy without a spade in his head?

    Douglas (as in Doug-less) :rolleyes:
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    what do musicians do when they die?








    they decompose hehe
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    (Original post by Fly By)
    what do musicians do when they die?








    they decompose hehe
    heh best one on here so far!
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    How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb??









    2 - but how did they get in there?!
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    What did the hurricane say to the coconuts??










    Hold your balls tonite, theres gonna be a big blow job.
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    (Original post by kriztinae)
    heh best one on here so far!
    thank you
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    (Original post by Fly By)
    thank you
    with request from fly by

    once upon a time, there wasa female brain cell which by mistake happened to enf up in a mans brain. she looked around nervously but all was quiet and empty. hello she cried but no answer. is anyone here? she cried a little louder but still no answer. not the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, HELLO!! IS ANYONE HERE!!??? then she heard a faint voice from far far away... we're down here! :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by kriztinae)
    with request from fly by

    once upon a time, there wasa female brain cell which by mistake happened to enf up in a mans brain. she looked around nervously but all was quiet and empty. hello she cried but no answer. is anyone here? she cried a little louder but still no answer. not the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, HELLO!! IS ANYONE HERE!!??? then she heard a faint voice from far far away... we're down here! :rolleyes:
    lol
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    (Original post by Cate)
    lol
    heh glad you liked it!
    i have a feeling all the guys are gonna hate me!
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    (Original post by kriztinae)
    with request from fly by

    once upon a time, there wasa female brain cell which by mistake happened to enf up in a mans brain. she looked around nervously but all was quiet and empty. hello she cried but no answer. is anyone here? she cried a little louder but still no answer. not the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, HELLO!! IS ANYONE HERE!!??? then she heard a faint voice from far far away... we're down here! :rolleyes:

    That is brilliant
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    (Original post by kriztinae)
    heh glad you liked it!
    i have a feeling all the guys are gonna hate me!
    Lol, it was funny cos it's true
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    (Original post by Cate)
    Lol, it was funny cos it's true
    oi!
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    (Original post by Cate)
    Lol, it was funny cos it's true
    ah! i got it in a message! i sent it to all my guy friends and one of them replied... but lets face it, the female brain cell only ended up there coz shes a bad driver and cant read maps!
    hehe i thought it was a good come back! and at least he didnt deny it!
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    (Original post by BlueAngel)
    That is brilliant
    thanx
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    (Original post by kriztinae)
    ah! i got it in a message! i sent it to all my guy friends and one of them replied... but lets face it, the female brain cell only ended up there coz shes a bad driver and cant read maps!
    hehe i thought it was a good come back! and at least he didnt deny it!
    Ahahaha, what a good comeback!
    *some* of us can read maps though
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    (Original post by Cate)
    Ahahaha, what a good comeback!
    *some* of us can read maps though
    true, but i cant do either! very bad with directions!!
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    Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
    Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
    The man asked, "And did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
    Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own f**ing business!"
 
 
 
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