Slept with a guy who I really like but turns out he doesnt want a relationship.....
So, I met a guy at my work place, lets call him Sam. We got on really well and I developed feelings for him quite quickly. As time progressed, we talked more and more during work via messenger. Then after 2-3 weeks, he invited me to a house party where I met most of his friends etc. That night we kissed and spooned each other.
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
> Cut contact.
> Move on with life.
> Move on with life.
Original post by Anonymous
So, I met a guy at my work place, lets call him Sam. We got on really well and I developed feelings for him quite quickly. As time progressed, we talked more and more during work via messenger. Then after 2-3 weeks, he invited me to a house party where I met most of his friends etc. That night we kissed and spooned each other.
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
He really wasn't okay that you kissed that guy, or particularly respect you either. I think you telling him you kissed another guy put him off big time. He probably thought that you were just a fling, or a sex buddy after that. He most likely did see some sort of a relationship with you but felt hurt about the fact that you kissed him so he is in denial about his feelings. He knows deep down that he does have feelings for you because he got sad that you went to a date with another guy but he doesn't want to show it. He is trying to show you that he doesn't care about you, or about the fact that you kissed another guy, when in reality you did. I think it is partially your fault for leading on this guy then kissed another guy, now he is in doubt in his feelings.
Original post by Anonymous
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
There's a book that describes this very very common situation, "He's just not that into you."
Some men don't want to commit at all, they really don't. But they do like shagging.
The best thing you can do is break this off just like that. Otherwise a ton of misery and self loathing at being used for sex then ignored awaits you.
Sorry to tell you, but it is for the best to treat it as experience and move on. And if he ever gets back in touch (and he might, guys like reliable sex partners with no effort on their part) ignore him.
Cut contact. You can just go and do it or you can tell him what you want to do.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
So, I met a guy at my work place, lets call him Sam. We got on really well and I developed feelings for him quite quickly. As time progressed, we talked more and more during work via messenger. Then after 2-3 weeks, he invited me to a house party where I met most of his friends etc. That night we kissed and spooned each other.
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
He doesn't want to commit because why does he have to? He's having his cake and eating it too. You're giving him the goods, without the headaches of having a gf. He doesn't like you enough to make it official... He likes your attention. Stop wasting your time and cut him off for good, no more contact for your own sake.
tl;dr
if you wanted a relationship and knew you'd get attached if you had sex you should have established his intentions first
if you wanted a relationship and knew you'd get attached if you had sex you should have established his intentions first
Cut contact and move on. Difficult to do but you can do it 
Original post by Anonymous
So, I met a guy at my work place, lets call him Sam. We got on really well and I developed feelings for him quite quickly. As time progressed, we talked more and more during work via messenger. Then after 2-3 weeks, he invited me to a house party where I met most of his friends etc. That night we kissed and spooned each other.
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
We started talking all the time and my feelings for him grew stronger. We then met 2 weeks later and we cooked dinner together and watched a movie. We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex (not sure if that's important but might as well put it all out there).
We kept on talking everyday and it was pretty good. We didn't meet up after that for various reasons - like I couldn't make it a couple of times and he used to go visit his parents every other weekend (we never met during the week since work takes over our lives).
He then went off to Brazil for a 2 week holiday. I didn't want to throw the "what is this" question and so we continued being casual (I told him that we should keep it casual because that's what I wanted at the time). He used to message me and talk to me every now and then during his holiday. One night, I went out drinking and kissed another guy but 5 seconds into kissing this guy, Sam popped into my mind and I stopped. I felt really guilty, even though Sam and I said it was casual. I messaged him the next day telling him everything and he said it was okay and respected my honesty.
Afterwards, I went to Berlin for a holiday. Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more. I told him this and he said that even though he really liked me he didn't want a relationship. He wanted to be selfish and not have to worry about what someone else thinks. He didnt want to sleep around be able to go out with friends and do what he wants when he wants (surely those statements are contradictory?!). He said he struggled through many past relationships and didnt want one at the moment. He restated that he really liked me though.
I broke it off and it hurt. I suggested us continue being friends since we worked together and we got on really well. At the beginning, we just talked at work and it was all friendly. We then started messaging each other outside of work again and started staying up late talking to each other. I kept telling myself I didnt like him. I went on a date with another guy and casually mentioned it to him. After a couple of dates I decided I didnt like that guy and broke it off. I told Sam that when he asked how it went.
One night Sam was slightly drunk and texted me and as we got talking, he flirted a bit. I flirted back.... He then went on to say he was jealous of the guy I went on a couple of dates with even though he was being a hypocrite and didnt want a relationship. He also kept mentioning how we should go to Edinburgh for a trip when I mentioned I hadn't been for more than 10 year.
We never mentioned any of this the next morning. We carried on being friends. A few weeks down the line, we decided to meet up with 2 other friends. This was literally on the Saturday that just passed. We got touchy feely and we kissed at the pub. We ended up staying out really late so I crashed at his (I know...) and we kissed a bit more. We talked through the night and spoond each other. He also mentioned that he was sad when I had told him about the guy I kissed when he was in Brazil. In the morning, we felt each other up and I gave him a hand job. I kept saying no to anything else even though I really wanted to have sex with him (he also said he didnt have a condom anyways).
Now I feel like I don't know what to do. I know I need to move on but I kinda want someone elses thoughts and for them to re-affirm that this is a messy situation... At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
I want to understand why he doesn't want to commit? Is it because he just doesn't like me enough? He just wants to use me for sex? Ive never met a guy who didnt want a relationship before and just want to understand it....
How do I move on? Do I slowly cut contact or do it right now?!!!
Sorry for the massive essay.....
All too familiar. There is no hope, he's not interested in anything serious with you & would rather just **** you when he's in the mood for it.
You tell him you're not a mug, you cut him off and you stop talking to him
Ah that's crap man, I'm sorry to hear.
No matter how prude or clingy you may sound to the guy, you must always ask what he expects to get out of it? Like you should subtly ask 'is this just a one time thing or..?' and he'll probably give you his intentions straight up.
Must have been a bummer to find out though. Hopefully you'll find a better guy who won't leave you after sex (rare) in the future :3
No matter how prude or clingy you may sound to the guy, you must always ask what he expects to get out of it? Like you should subtly ask 'is this just a one time thing or..?' and he'll probably give you his intentions straight up.
Must have been a bummer to find out though. Hopefully you'll find a better guy who won't leave you after sex (rare) in the future :3
It's because you gave away the goods too early. #sloot
I can't help but notice that you created a post of extraordinary length, yet failed to include a TL;DR 
Original post by WoodyMKC
I can't help but notice that you created a post of extraordinary length, yet failed to include a TL;DR
TL;DR:
She ****s her friend
They decide not to be "official"
She can't understand why he doesn't want to make it official
She kisses him
She gave him a handjob
They get intimate
She can't understand why he doesn't want to make it official
Slept with a guy who I really like but turns out he doesnt want a relationship.....
This is a common life experience.
We started making out and it led to sex. This was the first time I had sex. . .Nothing too exciting happened but I kept thinking about Sam all the time. After I came back from holiday I realised I wanted more.
This is also a common experience.
Why doesn't he want to commit? Because he doesn't. It's as simple as that and dwelling on it serves absolutely no purpose.The important bit is what he's said. He doesn't want to commit. case closed, you want a commitment, plenty of other guys do to, so go find them.
At the back of my mind, I feel like there is hope for him to miraculously decide he wants a relationship?!
Again a common thought, but a futile one that leads down a path to no-where but frustration and disappointment.
How do I move on?
Cut contact, date other guys, gain more experience, allow yourself to kiss over guys, get to know them.
All you're experiencing is easily solved by that. Putting yourself out there, cutting back on contact with this guy.
Best of luck.
edit
Posted in wrong thread
Posted in wrong thread
(edited 8 years ago)
He seems confused on what he actually wants.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
If someone's in to you enough, then they will want a relationship, even if they weren't looking for one. You're likely inoffensive enough for him to sleep with (because it's fun and boosts his self-esteem), but insufficiently attractive (to him) to warrant a commitment, so come the lies. I've done this to others and had it done to me. It's common.
Just erase all trace of him and bang others. Enough bangs and you'll forget.
Just erase all trace of him and bang others. Enough bangs and you'll forget.
(edited 8 years ago)
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