The Student Room Group

Frustrating boyfriend situation...help!

Hey people...I'll keep this short and sweet.

I've been with my boyfriend for the best part of the year; we're one of those couples who does everything together, only...well, I started uni this year, and it's been a misfire. We met in the first month and since whenever I wanted to go do something with people I knew in halls he got all upset and asked if he wasn't enough for me, as I was enough to keep him happy and he didn't want anyone else (guilt trip!). Hence, I felt bad and did things with him instead. Also hence, I know no one in my halls and don't get to socialise with people on my course; the one time I tried it, he bugged me by text until I came back to halls. I'm lonely!

It's my mate's 18th in a couple of weeks and I told my boyfriend I wanted to go home for it, but he got all sulky and upset about it and said he couldn't believe that I was happy to go off without him. For like two days!!!

I do love him to bits (that doesn't show much here lol, but I do), but it's severely pissing me off that I can't have a life. I came to uni to meet people and try new things and have a great time - so far it's not happening. How can I get him to let me go a bit? Or is it my fault for not telling him to sod off and going anyway? I haven't the heart to do that. :redface:

Any help would be great! :smile:
Reply 1
He needs to learn to trust you. Reassure him that you picked HIM as your boyfriend. Also mention that you feel as if he dosent trust you... Guilt trips can work both ways :wink:
Reply 2
Tell him that you need your space, and he's being a bit clingy! He probably hasn't realised that he's being that bad. Also, the thing about not letting you home for your friends 18th is so selfish of him.
You shouldn't let him dictate how you spend your time you know.. Because the longer you do it, the more he's going to think it's alright.
And it isn't.
You need your own friends after all.
Have you ever tried going out WITH him?
What's your boyfriend like? Is he shy, insecure?
Reply 3
You need to sit your boyfriend down and talk to him. He has got to realise that you have the right to meet as many new people as you want, go out with anyone you like and live your own life. He needs to realise that he can be a part of it, no matter how many friends you have. Just because you are experiencing new things, meeting new people and having fun, it doesn't mean that you will forget about him.

It's unfair that he is giving you a hard time about it, he has no right to do that. It's great that he wants to spend time with you but you two have your own lives to live and you don't need to live in each other's pockets. When people do that, sometimes the relationship goes bad and they eventually break up. No matter how much you love him, you can't let him stand in the way of you having a life outside the relationship. If he can't quit his clingy ways and let you live the life you deserve then you need to seriously consider your relationship.

Go out for your friends birthday, don't let him stand in the way of you having a good time. Switch your phone off, leave it at home, and don't let him talk you out of going. Take a stand and tell him, show him that you need to have a life out of the relationship. If he can't accept that, maybe he isn't the right guy for you?
Your boyfriend shouldn't make you feel guilty for having fun without him! Everyone needs time apart from each other and there's no reason why you can't have fun and go out with people other than your b/f. It's not healthy to spend 24/7 together and do everything together. You need to give him a kick up the backside and make him realise that you need time with your own friends as well as with each other. Does he have a lot of his own friends? Does he spend time with them? He's probably just insecure and worries about losing you or missing out on having a good time while he's stuck doing nothing. My boyfriend does it a lot, don't let him guilt trip you!
In every relationship, you need a bit of space and your own social life. You cannot let him dicate to you, how you should live your life. This sort of thing is a turn off and ruins relationships. Just go to this party if you want to go. Just tell him how you need to have your own life but it doesn't mean you do not want him.

I do know how it feels from personal experience.
Reply 6
If you want to go to the party you should go. You need to have your own friends apart from your boyfriend and he should have his. IMHO it's his own fault if he ends up home alone seeing as he hasn't made the effort to make friends.. PLUS he's tried to stop you having your own. Ouch.
He's being really selfish. You need a life outside him and he doesn't seem to have one outside you. It's not healthy for the two of you or the relationship. You can't live like this and you can't possibly be happy? Tell him you are going whether he likes it or not, if he can't accept that its his problem.
Hey...

Erm i had this problem...

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and for like the first 6 months he was clingy, and didn't like it when i did stuff with friends etc just like you!

I sat down with him and i told him that i needed space in my life. I need to be by myself and with other people. It was obviously not going as well as it could have as we were arguing constantly. I told him that i loved him.

Now 8 months later it's going absolutely fantastic. He obviously loves you as he wants to be with you completely he just might be a little insecure about himself, perhaps he thinks you're amazing and he's wondering why you're with him? Just keep reassuring him, he'll appreciate that. Get him to hang out with his friends.
My boyfriend agrees that spending time apart is good for our relationship. It makes the time we spend together special.

Good Luck!
It's all very well reassuring him every few minutes, but he has got to learn on his own to trust you.
Reply 10
Thanks for the responses everyone!

In answer to...er...someone (sorry lol, I read these too quickly) who asked if I go out with my boyfriend, yes, I do frequently. I have quite an active social life in terms of going out and doing things, it's just always with him!

Also, I have sat him down and explained how I feel...he just got unhappy. I don't think I made clear that he's not telling me I can't go, just being miserable about it and I don't want to go off and leave him at home alone and upset - he doesn't have his own friends either. He's basically in the same position as me, only he doesn't care about other people and only wants me (and doesn't understand why I don't feel that way!). I've tried explaining that I love him and wanting to have friends as well as him doesn't stop me loving him a hell of a lot...he either didn't understand or didn't want to.

We had a conversation/argument last night about him not trusting me. Apparently he's terrified I'm going to dump him, which maybe accounts for some of his clinginess. How the hell do I fix this? To the Anonymous who posted, how did you go about talking to your boyfriend?

Cheers for all the help so far everyone. :smile:
Reply 11
he sounds very insecure. I used to be a bit like this and have been on the other side of the situation since then with my girlfriend now making me feel guilty for going out with friends and then denying thats the reason shes getting upset, I know how frustrating it is because its hard to make them realise that just because you want time out without them doesnt mean you dont love them or whatever. I think what I try to do is maybe guilt trip her back in a way explaining how she sometimes stops me from going out and having fun meeting people ect, it works a lot of the time, but im still working on it! at the end of the day i think its about insecurity, and you need to reassure them that they can trust you, because thats what it comes down to. If he cant learn to trust that you wont go off with anyone, you will never get through it.