I want to be a boy - but I'm not transgender :/

tl;dr : I'm a girl, who wishes she was born a boy, but is not transgender.

Okay so this is ... hard to explain

Basically - I'm a girl, I'm 17
Ever since I started 'developing' at around 10 - I hated it
I grew up with both sisters and brothers but my brothers were much closer to my age than my sisters
I hated that I wasn't like them
that I didn't look like them
I hated that I started growing breasts and it made me self conscious
and when my period came I was horrified I didn't want itI never liked 'girl things'. I hated makeup, I hated barbies, I couldn't stand princesses - I always identified more with the male characters than the female. I liked sports and cars and wrestling and rock music and action and horror and awesomeness. I listened (and still listen to) male artists and dislike female artists - I feel like the male voice speaks to me more and I wanna be able to sing like them - I hate that my voice is feminine.
Going to high school I saw how all the girls acted - some were tomboys and some were very feminine. I started off not giving a **** about my appearance - obviously I cared about my hygiene but I didn't like how clothes that were 'made for me' looked on me so I just wore baggy things - even at home
I just hated being a female - especially when I learned of all the stereotypes and all the things that I have to do/ can't do because I'm a girl.

This was all the way up to year 13 - then I decided to embrace my feminine side and started wearing dresses, matching clothes, getting heels, wearing makeup, carrying handbags. That made me happy for a while... but then I started hating it again.

And because I'm Muslim I wear the hijab and I just dislike wearing it. I know I have to wear it for God and stuff but I hate it (still gonna wear it because I have to) - I just don't like having to study a certain subject, work in a certain sector, dress a certain way just because of what's between my legs. I get that females and males, while equal, are different but I don't like that. I don't like being different to men.

I'm not attracted to girls and am attracted to men (all my crushes have been on men) BUT i feel like if I were born a boy I would have no problem getting with girls. But as a girl I don't like the idea of that. So I don't think I'm bisexual because in my current... state... I don't like the idea of being with a girl.

But if you asked me what I was I'd say I am a girl. I don't feel the need to CHANGE into a boy. I don't feel like I was born in the wrong body - I just wish I was born a male. I get my gender I just don't identify with it - I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense I don't know how to explain.

It's like being given an XBOX when you want a PlayStation for a present. You'll still take the XBOX but you secretly would've REALLY wanted a PlayStation (let's pretend you can't exchange/ return it). Buying PlayStation controllers and stickers and parts and putting them on the XBOX isn't gonna turn it into a PlayStation so I'm not gonna go get surgery because I don't feel like I want to do that I just wish I was given a PlayStation in the first place :frown:

ARGH this has been bothering me for so long I don't know how to deal with it :/

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

and some people might say that if gender stereotypes didn't exist I wouldn't feel this way
but I know i still would
i hate the way i look, i like the way men look
it's almost like a jealousy

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

guess no one relates...

please?

maybe i posted in the wrong section :redface:

Reply 5

missytwinpeaks

Sorry no one has replied...I don't know what to say because you haven't asked a question....I haven't experience that but I'm sorry that you have

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Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by missytwinpeaks

Sorry no one has replied...I don't know what to say because you haven't asked a question....I haven't experience that but I'm sorry that you have

Posted from TSR Mobile

oh sorry yeah my question was how do i deal with this because it has been bothering me and if anyone else felt the same way :/

its okay thank you :smile:

Reply 7

Panic!AtThePhan

I feel the exact same way as you!!! I really wanted to be born a boy but I wouldn't want to transition into a boy. I don't like the idea of being trans because I think it would be wired if people started using he/him pronouns. I also wouldn't want to face having to see my private part because they would remind me I'm actually a girl

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Panic!AtThePhan

yeah exactly i really want to be a boy but at the same time i don't want to change into one - i just wish i was born one in the first place
yupp...

Spoiler

Reply 9

Panic!AtThePhan

I dunno, I guess I sorta have an advantage because I don't really have big boobs. The thing is when I'm older and have sex and stuff I don't really wanna be ****ed but it's not like I can ****... Do ya get what I mean. Also when I was with my ex our best friend always said I was the man in out relationship...

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Reply 10

Panic!AtThePhan

By the way thanks, I'm freaking obsessed with Dan and Phil!!!!

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Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Panic!AtThePhan

Yeah me neither... I guess i'm average sized
I just dont like it
yeah i get you lol :redface:

people always say i act like a guy (i sit like a guy, i talk like a guy, i stand like a guy) ... how can you even stand like a guy like wtf
and they're all like "oh she wants to be a man" and im like shut up plz

Original post by Panic!AtThePhan

By the way thanks, I'm freaking obsessed with Dan and Phil!!!!
Posted from TSR Mobile

no problem :smile:

they didnt get a big part in youtube rewind sadly :frown:

Reply 12

Panic!AtThePhan

Same 😂 I dunno I'm thinking about getting ma hair cut because I'm obsessed with short hair

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Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by Panic!AtThePhan

Same 😂 I dunno I'm thinking about getting ma hair cut because I'm obsessed with short hair

Posted from TSR Mobile

sure go for it! like a quiff :O ?

Reply 14

karl pilkington

I would say the way to deal with it is to embrace and love yourself. You sound like you don't like yourself but really you are pressurised by society to conform to gender stereotypes and that is what is making you unhappy. Don't confuse gender stereotypes with actual pitfalls of being a girl

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by karl pilkington

yeah but even with the stereotypes gone i would still prefer to be born male
even if i was allowed to go out at night by myself and go places alone and dress how I want I just don't like my body

but i wouldn't change it through surgery, i would want to swap it
i want a male body, not a mutilated female body

i know that's not possible obviously but i just dont like who i am so how am i supposed to start loving me :frown:

Reply 16

unprinted

You say you're not transgender, but it looks like you have some form of gender dysphoria. How much is related to how you're treated as 'a woman' in terms of being denied things that you could do if you were seen as 'male' is an interesting question.

What would happen if you said, 'No, I am not going to behave like that, it makes me unhappy'?

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by unprinted

1) get told it goes against religion (which is bull****)
2) probably get sent back to country of origin or married off bc aint nobody wanna deal with that...