My flatmate lets her mum use our flat as a second home

Leland1993

I'm a final year student living with a friend I've know for quite a few years and get on well with. However, recently my friend was having a bit of a rough time with her coursework and the mounting pressure took its toll. Since she's close with her mum she's had her round a few times for comfort which is totally understandable. However, now that she's picked herself back up again things haven't quite gotten back to normal. Her mum is over literally 3 or 4 times a week crashing on our couch. I understand that she's close to her mum (don't have the same relationship with mine) but I feel like the situation is bordering on the ridiculous. First of all, she makes her mum sleep on our incredibly tiny and uncomfortable couch which I wouldn't be too bothered about if it wasn't for the fact that I need to walk through the living room to get to the kitchen on the mornings I have class and work. Then she leaves her mum alone in the flat while she goes out with friends or over to her boyfriend's flat or all day library sessions. I just feel like I don't have any personal space in my own flat anymore and it's partly my fault because I think I gave her the impression that it was totally okay for her to essentially move her mum in. At the time I knew she was feeling fragile and she needed someone close to lean on but the situation is starting to stress me out. Our bills are climbing and my boyfriend has started to chip in moneywise for whenever he stays over. The whole reason I decided to get a flat this year was so I could escape familial situations. But now it's like I'm living with my parents again.I need help getting rid of the third flatmate I never asked for please!

Reply 1

flippantri

Casually drop hints like, 'Oh, is your mother coming over again? I'm finding it hard to not wake her in the morning.' Or, you could be a dick and split the rent with mum. :colone:

Reply 2

username2298253

Tell her how you feel!

That or just say fk it and move out

Reply 3

okey

Chin her in the nose and she how she feels after.

Reply 4

DrSocSciences

If you really want her out, tell the landlord about unauthorised occupancy, and buy a hard hat.

Reply 5

uberteknik

You need to have a word with your flatmate and tell her that your understanding of the flat-share was for you and her and not with a 'third party'.

Tell her you understand and fully appreciate the help her mum has given, but that it's really not fair on you to continue with her mum effectively living in your flat.

Look, it's your flat and you are fully entitled to decide who can and cannot stay in it and for how long. You need to be assertive but polite and give her a time limit - start of term in a week or two would be appropriate. If that does not work then you need to make it clear that you will need to give notice for them both to vacate your flat and then find a new flatmate.

Good luck.

Reply 6

the terminator

OP I get where youre coming from. I mean if she was really as tied up with university and feeling the strain of it as one may assume surely shed have moved out and commuted from home to university?

Dont want to sound harsh here but thats how I see it.

Reply 7

testing1234568

Original post by the terminator

I don't think that would necessarily be true. What if their home is 2+ hours away from uni?

Reply 8

Leland1993

Original post by the terminator

OP I get where youre coming from. I mean if she was really as tied up with university and feeling the strain of it as one may assume surely shed have moved out and commuted from home to university?Dont want to sound harsh here but thats how I see it.

Actually you make a good point. Her home town is only 30 minutes away by train and they have their own house, just the two of them (no siblings). I can't work out why she insists on bringing her here. It's pretty awkward when my boyfriend travels from Lancaster to see me. We have to be super quiet at night because fk having sex when a 50 year old lady is on the other side of the wall.

Reply 9

username944192

What a nightmare. You should try to talk to her nicely about it though. Take an approach like 'I was just wondering if you're ok because I've noticed your mum is here a lot' and see what she says. if she's ok now there's no reason for her Mum to be there...if she's struggling and she needs her Mum there for support then the Mum needs to chip in financially and you need to have a chat about what you're doing long term. I wouldn't want someone's Mum living in my flat either, she should've spoken to you about it if it was going to be a longer term thing

Reply 10

SophieSmall

You need to tell her how it is, she is being inconsiderate. Her mum is old enough to know better as well. If you don't get through to your flatmate then speak to her mum, don't feel intimidated by her. She knows full well get staying there isn't normal and is imposing on your space.

Reply 11

lalaland12

Op, you need to confront your flatmate and tell her firmly yet politely that its not fair on you to have her mum stay over all the time. Tell her that the arrangement was between the two of you, and not a third person. Put a stop to this asap.

Reply 12

Conkerr

Just say it nicely. I don't see how it's a problem to just tell her, especially if your flatmate is a friend of yours. It's not like you're doing something wrong you know. If one should feel guilty, it's her for inviting to stay another person who shouldn't be there.