The Student Room Group

Feeling Guilty

I tried to post this once but I don’t think it posted properly

Ok, I’ve done something quite bad and just need to get it out and any advice would be helpful. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 12 months now. I love him so much and couldn’t ask for anything more. He’s been on holiday for almost a month and won’t be back until next Saturday. But last night I went to a party at a friend’s house and whilst there I got chatting to a boy I know, just as friends.

Later on when everyone was going to sleep we ended up in the same bed. I didn’t mind sharing with him because we’re friends and I love my boyfriend so much, that I didn’t think anything of crashing out next to him and loads of people were sharing beds and sofa’s anyway. We just lay there chatting for ages, but then he turned to me so we were facing each other and said how great a person he thought I was and tried to kiss me, I was quite drunk by this point, but still I knew it was wrong and turned my head away saying that I couldn’t get with him and I loved my boyfriend. He tried to kiss me again several times and each time I said I couldn’t turning my head away but in the end I gave in. I felt so guilty thinking about my boyfriend and quickly pulled away from him. In some ways I wanted the affection that I haven’t had because my boyfriends been away, but this is still no excuse and I now feel so guilty and don’t know what to do.

To some people they would say it’s only a kiss, but in the 12 months I’ve been with my boyfriend, I’ve never so much as looked at another guy and I no I have to tell him, I just don’t know what to say?? and I will also have to wait until next week until he comes back. I truly feel disgusted at my actions; I can only hope he will forgive me.

Sorry for the long post

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How would you feel if he kissed another girl? I'd think you'd want to know, which is why I think you should tell him what happened and explain that you were drunk.
Drink is no excuse for doing that, if you loved your boyfriend you would not have done that. I would confess if I was you to your boyfriend.
Reply 3
Wow what an arsehole that guy is!

Look ok, the fact that you feel incredibly guilty is enough - just make sure you NEVER do it again.

If you're honest when you say you love your boyfriend and would never let anything like this happen again, then I really dont see the point in telling him. What would anyone gain? You already feel like crap (I hope), and by telling him he would also feel like crap and also question how much you love him.

There is no point in telling him. I hope you realise that what you did was horrible though and you should carry on feeling guilty. Drink is no excuse (though it did make you give in you cant blame it), you knew you shouldnt have done it. That boy also deserves a kick in the balls. What a rat.
Reply 4
I agree you need to tell your BF. But you need to tell him you love him before you tell him this.

He's going to feel betrayed but you need to tell him. If he find out you lied then that will be far worse.
Reply 5
I dont understand why she needs to tell him? Seriously, what would the point be? She loves him, and it doesnt matter how much she tries to tell him that the kiss was stupid and she wishes she didnt do it and she loves him so much blah blah blah he would either never believe her or say he believed her but always have that seed of doubt in the back of his mind.

There is no point in telling him. This is a case where ignorance is bliss.

EDIT: Though I need to ask - did anyone see you kiss? And the guy is a rat; will he have told anyone?

I am not saying that you should lie to your boyfriend, I'm all for honesty and communication in a relationship but there are times when its really just not a good idea to be completely honest. It will only make the situation worse than it already is.
Reply 6
And what if he hears it off someone else? He'd be thinking 'why didn't she tell me?' and would probably not trust her with a lad again.
Reply 7
Ozy
And what if he hears it off someone else? He'd be thinking 'why didn't she tell me?' and would probably not trust her with a lad again.

If she tells him, he's not going to trust her with another guy anyway. So surely this way gives a better chance for the relationship to work rather than pretty much making it doomed to failure.
Reply 8
I’m not using the fact I was drunk as an excuse. I said I knew it was wrong, and it was a very stupid mistake on my part. No one was in the same room and I know this boy wouldn’t tell anyone, but I still think I should tell my boyfriend. My boyfriend is the nicest guy in the world; I can’t believe I could hurt him like this, but I’m sure he would want to know. I feel so awful
Reply 9
mangomaz
I dont understand why she needs to tell him? Seriously, what would the point be?


Let's see, how about because he has a right to know?
Reply 10
Happened to me before. I rang my boyfriend straight away. I made it clear that the guy had tried to kiss me and took me by surprise and only kissed him back for a second before I pushed him off.

He got over it.
Yes, definitely tell him, if not for his sake, for yours. This guilty feeling you've got will stay with you for so long if you dont tell him. Everytime he kisses you, tells you he loves you and does nice things for you you'll probably be thinking about this incident and feeling guilty for it. Its only fair on him to know the whole truth.

It sounds to me like this is at the very minor end of cheating, if he really loves you he'll forgive you and I'm sure you'll be able to work it out.

Im speaking from personal experience, by the way, and although it was HORRIBLE seeing my boyfriend hurt and upset, I am so so glad I told him, I dont think i could live with myself if I hadn't. And we've worked through everything. I'm sure you'll be able to too.

Best of luck :smile:
Reply 12
I have to say to him, otherwise it would eat me up inside. I’m just going to have to explain exactly what happened. I think he will forgive me. I love him so much and I know he feels the same. He won’t forget though, and I know I’ll have to work for his trust again. Should I ring him and tell him today or wait until he gets back where I can tell him face to face. I don’t want to ruin his holiday, but maybe it would be best to tell him now?
Reply 13
Tell him when you can. But remember you love your BF and it's not really your fault. He will forgive you and you are doing the right thing. Good luck. :wink:
Reply 14
I would wait until he gets back, I doubt he would be angry at you for keeping it from him while he was on holiday.
Reply 15
Don't ruin his holiday as well. Wait.
No way in hell Id tell him....what he doesnt know, cant harm him. Unless there is a possibility that he'll find out, in which case you can still deny it.
Reply 17
Wild Thing
No way in hell Id tell him....what he doesnt know, cant harm him. Unless there is a possibility that he'll find out, in which case you can still deny it.


I'd hate to be in a relationship with you.
haha. its always best to tell the truth, my girlfriend has done this to me twice and told me both times. for some reason i forgave her. (i dont think i will if it happens again)
Wild Thing
No way in hell Id tell him....what he doesnt know, cant harm him. Unless there is a possibility that he'll find out, in which case you can still deny it.


Wow i'm glad i'm not you, especially as you suggested to a virgin to have casual sex in another thread.