The Student Room Group

I feel so let down :S

Hey, just want to get this off my chest.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 6 months (we were best friends beforehand) and tonight, while we were talking, we got onto the subject of something I've never told him. I know it might sound daft, but I've always wanted to be a writer, so much so that being at uni and a degree is my fallback option. However, I've never had much support about the idea from friends/family so I don't tell people anymore, haven't told anyone for years (seriously!) - I hadn't even told him. He was quite shocked and surprised and said (and I quote) 'I had no idea it meant that much to you!' and blah blah and I actually thought he realised just how much of a big thing this was for me. Then, when I was starting to tell him about the things I'd written/sent off to places he cut me across mid-sentence and started going on about how my perfume was setting his effing allergies off and told me to go and change my jumper because he'd smelt it when I put it on!!! I was so stumped I just did it and when I came back into the room he completely left the conversation, starting a new one about his sodding allergies which then resulted in 'let's go check on the pizza' that we'd put in the oven.

Maybe I'm overreacting but that really did hurt me. I was so shocked by him that I didn't know what to say. I didn't try to start the conversation again because, well, I didn't want to tell him after he treated it like that. I genuinely believe he understood how much it meant to me, especially as I told him that I'd not told anyone since I was little because nobody took me seriously. I don't know..I just feel so hurt by it. I trusted him with one of the biggest things I oculd and he just...didn't care. I feel so let down by him. The first time I trust someone enough to tell them that and it gets ignored and cast aside..I don't know what to think about him now :s-smilie:

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Reply 1
:hugs: he probably didn't realise HOW much it meant to you. From what you said I think maybe he knew it meant quite a bit from what you were saying and maybe changed conversation without meaning to with the allergies to avoid you getting upset about it ,as he knew now that you'd be let down by others. Most boys don't like dealing with tears from my experience and by changing the conversation he may of thought it would be the easiest way out of a difficult situation if you started crying etc.I know when I start talking about emotional things I have a tendency to sometimes cry, and so do some of my friends who are girls. That's the only thing I can think of,and he must not of realised how much this would of hurt you
Some people worry about the most insignificant things.
Reply 3
Anonymous
Some people worry about the most insignificant things.


Feeling cowardly, are we?

That was also a stupid comment; her life's dream is certainly not insignificant.
Reply 4
That's harsh, if it's affected her enough to seek advice about it then it's obviously significant.
Not the actual life's dream, but the overreaction. He probably thought it was the end of the conversation, or that they would pick it up later. Wanting to be a writer is hardly tantamount to telling your partner you have chosen to be a freedom fighter or something. I don't see why it was a big thing originally.
Reply 6
Anonymous
Not the actual life's dream, but the overreaction. He probably thought it was the end of the conversation, or that they would pick it up later. Wanting to be a writer is hardly tantamount to telling your partner you have chosen to be a freedom fighter or something. I don't see why it was a big thing originally.


Let's reiterate, shall we? :rolleyes: It's her life's dream. She hasn't told anyone in years, because noone takes her seriously or cares. He didn't bother to come up with a reply or give his opinion or encouraegment, he cut her off mid-sentence, and he quite clearly didn't respect how very important it was to her. Which, being her long-term boyfriend, he most certainly should have done.

Comprende?
Reply 7
bunthulhu
Let's reiterate, shall we? :rolleyes: It's her life's dream. She hasn't told anyone in years, because noone takes her seriously or cares. He didn't bother to come up with a reply or give his opinion or encouraegment, he cut her off mid-sentence, and he quite clearly didn't respect how very important it was to her. Which, being her long-term boyfriend, he most certainly should have done.

Comprende?


Perhaps you should take a step off your pedestal, love?

Her bf might well have thought it was insignificant too and hence the reaction. Afterall, what is all the fuss about? I understand the significance in the fact its her life dream, but Christ - it's not exactly as if she's revealing she's pregnant now is it?

OP - don't worry what other people think. Personally, I can't understand if what you say is true in that how people react once you tell them. I don't think it's silly at all. The problem with dreams like this though is people will always knock you back and you need to believe in yourself to see it through - that's what makes it really worth it in the end.

Personally, if my (hypothetical) girlfriend was making a big issue out of wanting to be an author, I would probably wonder what the fuss is all about. Hell, I'd probably suspect she's PMSing or something because in my eyes, she'd be getting all wound up over nothing. Okay, it's your life dream, and I respect that - but it's not exactly as if an author is something to be ashamed of now is it?
...and in before you accuse me of being Anon #2

Nix!
Reply 9
Nix!
Perhaps you should take a step off your pedestal, love?

Her bf might well have thought it was insignificant too and hence the reaction. Afterall, what is all the fuss about? I understand the significance in the fact its her life dream, but Christ - it's not exactly as if she's revealing she's pregnant now is it?

OP - don't worry what other people think. Personally, I can't understand if what you say is true in that how people react once you tell them. I don't think it's silly at all. The problem with dreams like this though is people will always knock you back and you need to believe in yourself to see it through - that's what makes it really worth it in the end.

Personally, if my (hypothetical) girlfriend was making a big issue out of wanting to be an author, I would probably wonder what the fuss is all about. Hell, I'd probably suspect she's PMSing or something because in my eyes, she'd be getting all wound up over nothing. Okay, it's your lifedream, and I respect that - but it's not exactly if an author is something to be ashamed of now is it?


I'm not on a pedestal at all, her boyfriend should have recognised how important it was to her, as she made it clear. Not only that, but he cut her off mid-sentence; whether he realised the importance or not it was still rude considering what she was saying.
Reply 10
bunthulhu
I'm not on a pedestal at all, her boyfriend should have recognised how important it was to her, as she made it clear. Not only that, but he cut her off mid-sentence; whether he realised the importance or not it was still rude to cut her off like that.


Maybe, just maybe he could either sense the tears (over nothing) and wanted to avoid making her emotional? - Something a good and caring boyfriend would do.

or his allergies really were annoying him.

It's quite obvious to recognise they mean something to her. I just don't see what all the bloody fuss is about. It's a dream, everyone has them - at least this one is realistic.

Stop jumping on the bad-boyfriend bandwagon all the time.
Nix!
Maybe, just maybe he could either sense the tears (over nothing) and wanted to avoid making her emotional? - Something a good and caring boyfriend would do.

or his allergies really were annoying him.

It's quite obvious to recognise they mean something to her. I just don't see what all the bloody fuss is about. It's a dream, everyone has them - at least this one is realistic.

Stop jumping on the bad-boyfriend bandwagon all the time.


Oh noes, clearly you have catalogued all my posts and unveiled my constant attack on people's boyfriends :rolleyes: Don't be silly.

Still not an excuse to cut her off mid-sentence: I doubt she was getting teary-eyed over the work she's sent off. I'm sure he could have waited til she stopped to breathe or something. "That sounds cool. Hey, sorry do you mind, your jumper is setting off my allergies'.
Reply 12
bunthulhu
Oh noes, clearly you have catalogued all my posts and unveiled my constant attack on people's boyfriends :rolleyes: Don't be silly.

Still not an excuse to cut her off mid-sentence: I doubt she was getting teary-eyed over the work she's sent off. I'm sure he could have waited til she stopped to breathe or something. "That sounds cool. Hey, sorry do you mind, your jumper is setting off my allergies'.

WTF? :mad:
Reply 13
Become a writer...you love it and so will put lots of effort into it = good chance . You will have A levels to fall back on if it takes a while. Maybe youyr bf just liked the way things were going and is a bit confused. Are you due to go to the same uni?
Reply 14
bunthulhu
Oh noes, clearly you have catalogued all my posts and unveiled my constant attack on people's boyfriends :rolleyes: Don't be silly.

Still not an excuse to cut her off mid-sentence: I doubt she was getting teary-eyed over the work she's sent off. I'm sure he could have waited til she stopped to breathe or something.


Again, the joys of H&R. We only have the bias, emotional perception of the OP.

Were you there? How do you really know it wasn't warranted? If he felt that she was being stupid, cutting her off mid-sentance, albeit rude saves tears.

There is one very simple solution, so rather than people constantly attacking this poor bloke's character, the OP should do this:

Tell him again, except this time; don't get emotional and tell him "Please listen, this is important to me."
OmegaV
WTF? :mad:


Lol, what? :confused:
Nix!
Perhaps you should take a step off your pedestal, love?

Her bf might well have thought it was insignificant too and hence the reaction. Afterall, what is all the fuss about? I understand the significance in the fact its her life dream, but Christ - it's not exactly as if she's revealing she's pregnant now is it?

OP - don't worry what other people think. Personally, I can't understand if what you say is true in that how people react once you tell them. I don't think it's silly at all. The problem with dreams like this though is people will always knock you back and you need to believe in yourself to see it through - that's what makes it really worth it in the end.

Personally, if my (hypothetical) girlfriend was making a big issue out of wanting to be an author, I would probably wonder what the fuss is all about. Hell, I'd probably suspect she's PMSing or something because in my eyes, she'd be getting all wound up over nothing. Okay, it's your life dream, and I respect that - but it's not exactly as if an author is something to be ashamed of now is it?




:dito:
Nix!
Again, the joys of H&R. We only have the bias, emotional perception of the OP.

Were you there? How do you really know it wasn't warranted? If he felt that she was being stupid, cutting her off mid-sentance, albeit rude saves tears.

There is one very simple solution, so rather than people constantly attacking this poor bloke's character, the OP should do this:

Tell him again, except this time; don't get emotional and tell him "Please listen, this is important to me."


While this is probably a good idea, unless we are assuming that the OP is lying, he didn't exactly cut her off at a moment when she was about to start blubbering! And I'm not sure how telling him the places she has sent her work to could be portrayed as 'stupid' :confused: I never said anything about his character, either.
Reply 18
Erm wow I didn't think this would spark off so much debate sorrry! But thanks to the people who've said positive things!

Just want to clear two things up - I wasn't getting emotional and teary, I was actually pretty darn happy that he was listening and yes, it was mid-sentence that he cut me off something along the lines of, in response to an earlier question, ' Yeah, I've got boxes full of--'

But thankyou to all the people who've replied sympathetically :smile:
OP, I can understand how you're feeling because I had the exact same conversation with my boyfriend a few months ago (actually, we'd probably been together about six months too). Like you, I got bugger-all support from anyone and although I have got a couple of things published, nowhere near enough to make me think I could make a living at it - for one thing, I'm not good enough to rise above the slush-piles and I'm not lucky enough even if I was lol! Uni was always my fallback option too.:smile: The trouble is, loads of people want to be writers, particularly at our age, so (assuming your boyfriend deliberately changed the subject) it could just be that he didn't realise the significance of you wanting to write.

However, I doubt this was the case. My boyfriend cut me off too and started talking about something else, and I was initially quite hurt. Later on I brought it up with him and he apologised profusely; he just had a random thought and meant to say it then go back to what we were talking about, but he's very easily distracted. We finished the conversation then and he even asked to read some of my stuff, which he says was really good (and I don't care if he was exaggerating, the point is he cared enough to lie convincingly! :biggrin:). He takes an interest now and even pesters me to submit my stuff/tells me off when I get downhearted.

That was a little longer than I thought. Anyway, to sum up, tell him he hurt your feelings. He probably didn't even realise he did it, and if he's anything like my bloke he'll be brilliant once you actually get to finish the talk!

Hope this helps - PM me if you want. :smile: