overweight boyfriend!

ok so ive been going out with a guy for a couple of months we really get on great, he has a great personality and i find him facially and mostly bodily attractive. but hes overwieght, we have sex a lot but i find his hanging belly turns me off. ive talked to him bout us going to the gym but cant tell him directly how i dont like his weight. he eats loads! it sounds so harsh but its really beginning to get to me and the fact im going out with him a bit embarrassing as my friends will think i like fat or somethin (theyre all going out with really skinny boys)

Reply 1

lil'p

10

do got out with the poor guy if u dont like him!!

seems like to me your judgung your bf with your mates which aint fair on him!

Reply 2

dh00001

16

what are you 12? who cares what they think.
if you dont like it but want him otherwise speak to him. if you cant deal with it break up with him

Reply 3

Marianne

If he's happy then what's the problem? You either like the whole person or not.

If it's affecting his health then that's the only time it becomes a problem.

Reply 4

Tufts

17

dh00001

what are you 12? who cares what they think.

It sounds more like she is personally turned off by his fat.

OP, I think you need to be direct. It's going to hurt but it has to be done so he has a chance. Start off by telling the fella how much you really appreciate and love his good points.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

I think you need to stop being so shallow, or at least consider your relationship with him - because the fact is, if you truly did like him enough for the relationship to work, his weight wouldn't bother you.
You shouldn't find spending time with him embarrassing, so what if your friends think you 'like fat', it shows that you're not judging the guy. If his weight truly is such a bother though, you need to stop pretending to him that everything's okay and break up with him GENTLY - it's likely that if you're judging like this, others have in the past too, and after making someone feel wanted, the last thing you should do is lower their self-esteem again.

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

I think that you are wrong for comparing your bf to other people- if that is the reason why u want him to lose weight then don't go out with him because its just mean. People are different.

However, if you are concerned about your bf's weight problem simply because you care for him and don't want him to turn obese and subsequently face problems later on (which I think is a more mature way of looking at it), then why not tell him that you're concerned for his health? And you've suggested going to the gym but why not actually arrange a day for you guys to meet and actually do it. Everyone enjoyes binge eating once in a while, but let him know of the dangers of eating food that is unhealthy or eating too much. Be firm but don't be rude, and DON'T compare him to other people. My bf is quite big himself compared to my friend's bfs but I don't give a damn, if I did, then I wouldn't be going out with him.

Reply 7

LipGloss

If you're worried about his health, tell him how abdominal fat is associated with a higher risk of developing heart disease and diabetes. Then he'll realise you're not bothered about his body as a whole, just the belly. However, if he's had a hanging belly since you met him, he has no obligation to lose it now.

Reply 8

Tufts

17

Anonymous

because the fact is, if you truly did like him enough for the relationship to work, his weight wouldn't bother you.

Not neccessarily true.

Weight should not be an issue which ends a relationship. No way! But to say that she isn't aloud to be bothered by it is overly PC and absurd.

Reply 9

Anonymous #4

speaking as somebody who has been trying to encourage their best friend (now partner) to put on weight for the past god knows how many years, I am happy to say he is an almost healthy weight.

If you're wondering how this relates to your situation... it doesn't. You have no idea what you are talking about. If you find him unattractive, don't mess him around. and DON'T ****ing mention it to him. He obviously has feelings. Don't intentionally hurt them.

Reply 10

4nights

So you like guys that arnt fat..hardly disgusting. I dunno how you would bring it up though...unlucky. Are you really slim?

Reply 11

Yoda

12

LipGloss

If you're worried about his health, tell him how abdominal fat is associated with a higher risk of developing heart disease and diabetes. Then he'll realise you're not bothered about his body as a whole, just the belly. However, if he's had a hanging belly since you met him, he has no obligation to lose it now.

You cannot lose weight in just one area. So if he wants to lose the belly, he's going to have to lose all his fat.

Reply 12

ph9

10

someone made a good point up there about you approaching it in the sense that you're concerned about his health instead of directly telling him that the size of his stomach turns you off and embarrasses you.

Reply 13

The Albatross

12

my bf is a little overweight. but he knows it and is trying to do something about it. tbh, i don't think you'll need to point it out to your either. most people who are slightly overweight KNOW they need to lose weight, but can't always get around to it. i would suggest that you two start going and playing sport together.if you make exercise into a fun thing you can share it will help him see that he probably can do it. go swimming, play squash, whatever you'll enjoy! maybe start cooking healthier stuff together too? and don't say you find it unattractive or anything, you'll just upset him. use that only if encouragement doesnt work. as a last resort. good luck!

Reply 14

Robcampo

6

rather than moanin about it, make sex a little more energetic, surely thats going to help, and be fun, and you can both do it together, then if and when he cant keep up with you, that will be a big enough reason to go to the gym together... so you can go longer!

Reply 15

Philosoraptor

18

To be honest, I wouldn't be offended, I want to lose weight myself. It's just easier said than done!

Reply 16

~~hannah~~

4

I dont see why everyone is being so horrified at her saying this. They've only been together a couple of months, and she might not have known about his belly till they got together. You cannot help who you are attracted to (it's different if you're in love with someone and they put on or lose weight) but i've found in a previous relationship that I could just not get physically turned on because of my boyfriends belly (it sound shallow perhaps but it's not, it's not like she doesn't think he's a great person because of it), it just prevented me from fancying him sexually, and unfortunately I found that that didn't develop with time. Talk to him, be honest, but I'm guessing it's just not going to work out if you dont find him sexually attractive.

Reply 17

Anonymous #5

dont break up with him. talk to him and if he really cares he will try to do something about it to make you happy. if he takes it badly.. move on

Reply 18

pendragon

13

Marianne

People like you make me sick.

If he's happy then what's the problem? You either like the whole person or not.

If it's affecting his health then that's the only time it becomes a problem.

Being overweight does affect your health all the time.

Reply 19

Pseudomuse

1

Thats not exactly fair, don't consern yourself with what other people say and if he turns you off it's hardly fair of you to still be with him

overweight boyfriend!

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