The Student Room Group

Getting Past the First Couple of Dates

Ok, I have a problem with dating girls. Meeting girls for me is really easy, I can go out and easily meet a girl and arrange a date no problem. The first date is really easy, I never fail to impress and always get good reviews! Past the first date though it starts getting embarrassing, particularly in the 3rd and 4th meetings.

The problem is a lack of communication on my half! By this time I've already learned all I need to know about them, such as where they work, who they know, where they drink, etc, etc. So I find it difficult to find topics of interest to talk about and to connect with each other with. Also, I find it hard to get past being really flirtatious and start being more serious and affectionate. So the time the 3rd and 4th dates come girls get annoyed that I can't be serious. My flirting just looks like pissing about at this point.

Blahh. It's embarrassing and hard to explain but I hope someone understands what I'm on about and can offer some advice.
Reply 1
I can't really offer any advice I'm crap at dating girls, if I like them I can't think of anything to say, and if I don't I can talk about anything, kinda annoying, still...

Chances are if you can't find anything to talk about they're not the right girl for you, there will be embarrassing silences though, you have silences in nearly all conversation even with your best mates, except because you know each other so well, they're not embarrassing and you don't even notice them...

You don't have to talk about each other though....
Reply 2
Oh no *cringe* - I'm naturally good at conversation, but I have been on a date like that - I'm sure it was the second or something, and we went for coffee so there weren't even a lot of conversation topics to work from! It felt like I'd been hit with a tranquiliser.
I really don't know what advice to give. I think after the first couple of dates you've just got to guage the mood - I have spent almost an entire meal debating whether you can really not know how to spell a word if you look it up in a dictionary. It was incredibly funny, and the examples were were using were laced with innuendo, 'twas random but one of my
favourites to date (terrible pun, and completely unintentional :p:).
Is it that you get nervous, and so turn to banter as a support crutch (I personally *love* witty banter), or that the girl seems to expect more ol' fashioned romance?
Reply 3
im a girl and i have the same problems as u. i can meet guys, have really great first dates and then it all starts going a little down hill from there. i never know what questions to be asking them cause i already know what he does, where he hangs out, what he enjoys etc.!!!!!
Reply 4
You have to be comfortable with just chilling. You don't have to say anything, just chill. Enjoy each other's company watching TV, that sort of stuff.

And you might be good looking, but stop being so concerned about what they think. You're there to enjoy yourself, not to give her a good time. My guess is that you're a fairly good looking guy, just very **** on dates. Its often harder like that - you get fooled into thinking you're good as the first few go well.

A few things to bear in mind:
You don't have to see them every day - I often don't see a girl for a month and pick up where I left off. Sure thats a little extreme for you, but make it a week if things get a little ****.
You're there to enjoy yourself - don't bow down and do everything she says.
You don't have to be talking all the time. Silence is golden.
Dating isn't asking questions. There is much more to it, just generally getting on and talking about **** is much more important.
Don't pay for her - instant way to lose respect. She'll just be there for the free stuff until she decides shes bored.

I would put more, but I really don't make mistakes dating. Talk through one of your dates and I'll tell you why you're ****.
Reply 5
maybe you have nothing really interesting to say or think and neither does she. idk. maybe you should quit at 2 dates or summat
Yoda

Don't pay for her - instant way to lose respect.


why would you lose respect for a guy just because hes being nice? i like it when a guy offers to pay, i think its sweet.

op: maybe you just never clicked with any of these girls? tbh with all the guys ive really liked we have had shared interests and just talked about that. me and my bf bore the pants off everyone else by talking about games 24/7