In person I'll seem like an easy going average girl who always manages to say/do the wrong thing at the wrong time who generally lacks confidence.I come across as someone who can always say the wrong thing at the wrong time and a little bit of kindness towards me will go a long way. I would probably be seen as a bit of a "geek "(as high school goes) as well,someone who hasn't had many boyfriends and if they were ever to find a proper relationship would cling onto it and not put one step out of line.
In reality I'm a compulsive liar, I sculpt my words strenuously to convince people what I'm saying is true. The only people I can't lie to are my close friends as I allow them to see who I crave to be, and hope that they never abuse my trust.It's the one time I can properly come out of my role.I lack the ability to give affection properly and when someone gets too close ,my first reaction is to reject them until they begin to reject me.This probably comes from the fact I was an insecure resistant child.This leads onto the fact that when single I crave a proper relationship and to feel so close to another person but when I have it I have an overwhelming feeling that I want to be totally free with no expectance to act in a certain way. I'm suprisingly not as innocent as I seem and I'm always thinking things I shouldn't and tempted by things I musn't be. I'm extremely hard to please when I don't know you,some could say impossible as I change my mind so easily and my standard falls and rises dramatically in a matter of minutes.My friends can cheer me up with as little as a myspace comment.If you give me a negative reaction when I make an effort with you I will be reluctant to try again but I'm always eager to be more social.I get extremely angry very quickly in my head but upset even more easily and I will scream,moan and definetely cry to get my own way if I need to. My family are the only ones who have seen the earlier properly and they still love me which I can't believe but am so thankful for.
I have a bf at the moment,but desperately want to split up with him . Am I just a horrible person or is there something mentally wrong wth me that I need to sort out?
I also suffer bouts of depression then months of feeling fine over and over again.
Depression runs in my family
Help?Opinions?etc.