The Student Room Group

Am I just a horrible person?

In person I'll seem like an easy going average girl who always manages to say/do the wrong thing at the wrong time who generally lacks confidence.I come across as someone who can always say the wrong thing at the wrong time and a little bit of kindness towards me will go a long way. I would probably be seen as a bit of a "geek "(as high school goes) as well,someone who hasn't had many boyfriends and if they were ever to find a proper relationship would cling onto it and not put one step out of line.

In reality I'm a compulsive liar, I sculpt my words strenuously to convince people what I'm saying is true. The only people I can't lie to are my close friends as I allow them to see who I crave to be, and hope that they never abuse my trust.It's the one time I can properly come out of my role.I lack the ability to give affection properly and when someone gets too close ,my first reaction is to reject them until they begin to reject me.This probably comes from the fact I was an insecure resistant child.This leads onto the fact that when single I crave a proper relationship and to feel so close to another person but when I have it I have an overwhelming feeling that I want to be totally free with no expectance to act in a certain way. I'm suprisingly not as innocent as I seem and I'm always thinking things I shouldn't and tempted by things I musn't be. I'm extremely hard to please when I don't know you,some could say impossible as I change my mind so easily and my standard falls and rises dramatically in a matter of minutes.My friends can cheer me up with as little as a myspace comment.If you give me a negative reaction when I make an effort with you I will be reluctant to try again but I'm always eager to be more social.I get extremely angry very quickly in my head but upset even more easily and I will scream,moan and definetely cry to get my own way if I need to. My family are the only ones who have seen the earlier properly and they still love me which I can't believe but am so thankful for.

I have a bf at the moment,but desperately want to split up with him . Am I just a horrible person or is there something mentally wrong wth me that I need to sort out?

I also suffer bouts of depression then months of feeling fine over and over again.


Depression runs in my family


Help?Opinions?etc.
Reply 1
awww. i don't think your a horrible person, i just think you have some deep seated insecurities that need to be sorted out. this is probebly why you behave the way you do. that doesn't nessesserally mean you are horrible by any means.

i think you should adress your issues abit more, if you are to combat them :smile:

:hugs:
Reply 2
Anonymous
. . .Help?Opinions?etc.

I pray you meet someone who loves the truth that sets free - you will see in them the character you don't see in yourself and they will tell you how to receive it from your Creator, who you are currently alienated from.
Reply 3
NJA
I pray you meet someone who loves the truth that sets free - you will see in them the character you don't see in yourself and they will tell you how to receive it from your Creator, who you are currently alienated from.

what an admirable thing you have said.

rep for you!
Reply 4
Oh bloody hell. :rolleyes:
Reply 5
Nix!
Oh bloody hell. :rolleyes:

problem?
Don't be so hard on yourself, you're human, I've seen worse. Judge things to scale: Hitler's at one end, Mother Theresa's at the other, where do you fit? You don't sound like a ranting psychopath, but, let's face it, you're no angel either, when it comes down to it, it's all about proportion. For my money I'll bet you're hardly the worst person in the world (would you be admitting to this if you were? That, alone, shows a degree of honesty a lot of people don't have), but, let's face it, you're probably not at the top of the scale either (not to do you down at all), the fact that you're worried shows you care and, frankly, that's more than a lot of people would be prepared to do. Don't do yourself down so much, you're probably a lot better than you think you are. Just be honest with yourself, you'll find out what you really need/want. :smile:
Well the first stage to a problem is admitting it which you have done so. But you do need to take steps to stop lying otherwise people are going to see what you are really then you will end up with nothing. Maybe see a counsellor or your GP something.

You are quite lucky in a sense you have friends and a boyfriend.

But why do you want to split with him, does he treat you well?
Reply 8
no he doesn't , he plays at my insecurities without even meaning to and perhaps that implicitly has made me push him away? :frown: I don't know, I feel like I'm so horrible
you've admitted it. that shows that you are a good person. all you need to do is work over your insecurities.

if your not happy with your boyfriend, whatever the circumstance, then i would break up with him. it will only serve to get you further down otherwise.
Reply 10
Soul Rebel
you've admitted it. that shows that you are a good person. all you need to do is work over your insecurities.

if your not happy with your boyfriend, whatever the circumstance, then i would break up with him. it will only serve to get you further down otherwise.

your right :smile: thanks!
Not that I can really help, but I'm also a compulsive liar. Periods of lying are usually linked to depression. I don't know whether I do it because I want to hide myself from people or what, but I know it's not to make myself look better (because some of the things I've said definitely wouldn't have that effect).

Unfortunately I was going through one of those phases when I met my boyfriend last year, and subsequently told him a lot of lies. I don't know about you, OP, but I always kick myself immediately afterwards nad wish I'd said nothing.

I got up the courage to talk to him about it after about three months and (amazingly) he was fine with it and even said he respected me more for telling him the truth when I didn't have to - it wasn't anything that I would have had to tell him, if I'd wanted to hide it, but ironically enough I'm quite an honest person during my non-depressed phases (and I don't actually mean to lie during the down periods) and the guilt from having lied to him was eating me away. Stupid, I suppose, but still.

Last night I told him the last thing I hadn't admitted to, which I had been building up in my head to be this dreadful thing that would completely change his opinion of me. He listened and then kissed me and said he knew I'd had problems but he was really proud of me for having the guts to tell the truth now. I couldn't believe my luck and I know it's more than I deserved. He's made me feel like I'm not an awful person, which I've been thinking for years now.

That was a bit longer than I thought! In any case, if you really want to deal with the problem:

1) Admit that you have a problem to your nearest and dearest, and confess anything you remember telling them (really, the shame I felt doing this was incredibly helpful in stopping me doing it again).

2) Pick a random word you can say if you've just let a lie slip out around people who know about your problem. Tell them what the word means (it should be something you don't normally say in conversation). If you lie, don't think, immediately say the word and apologise. Eventually you get out of the habit of doing it.

I wish I could not be Anon so I could have you PM me if you wanted, but I guess you know it's hardly a subject you want to shout about. :redface: In any case, good luck. :hugs:
Anonymous
I'm a compulsive liar.... I will scream,moan and definetely cry to get my own way if I need to.

I have a bf at the moment,but desperately want to split up with him .

I also suffer bouts of depression then months of feeling fine over and over again.


You need help. You will hurt yourself and everyone you meet.

You sound exactly like a person I was in a completely dysfunctional relationship with. Thank god I had the sense to break it up after a few weeks.