Depressing start to the term

I've just started back at uni and tonight left me feeling really depressed. I've known for a while now that the people on my corridor are pretty boring and don't want to go out much at all, but I thought I was doing ok because I've made some friends in other blocks. Tonight my friend and I went to the hall bar and I felt like a complete loner. Everyone else was in their big groups chatting and catching up, and there was just the two of us sitting on our own in the corner. I made an effort to speak to everyone and people would chat briefly but then they'd just go back to their groups. It was so depressing. I feel like I haven't got a "firm" friendship group like I did in my school days.
When it's a Friday night or something and everyone's in the bar, it's absolutely fine because most people are drunk and I find that I can talk easily to anyone. Being stone cold sober tonight though made me realise the reality of things.

I feel so lonely. Please help.

Reply 1

bunnycatkid

Hey, first off, where were your friends in other blocks when you were in the bar? I am friends with people in different areas and we all make an effort to meet up whenever we can. It can be harder to meet someone when friendship groups are already established,especially if its noisy and there is alcohol involved etc etc.. is there anywhere you could meet people from your block during the day? Like a common room or something, it can be a lot easy to talk, even if its just small talk, when its a bit quieter and there are fewer people around. Failing that, its not too late to join uni clubs :smile:

Its really easy to feel self conscious in a room full of people, so failing the above, just focus on having fun with the friends you do have :smile:

Reply 2

Angelil

I sort of know how you feel. Admittedly I didn't have the greatest time socially at school, but I find it really hard here not fitting in to other people's frame of what constitutes a 'social life'. Equally, I have had problems with my flatmates/housemates every year (in my first year my flatmates were all into going out and getting trollied whereas I'm not; in my second year we all had problems with one girl and her boyfriend; and this year I only truly get on well with one person I live with, all the other people having something about them that annoys me!). It just makes me feel really gloomy that trouble with people I'm living with just seems to follow me around. So anyway, the point is that there are many other people for whom university life isn't all a bed of roses.

The second point to make is that I take it you haven't been at university very long? You seem very nostalgic for your days in the sixth-form, and while that's perfectly normal, if you haven't been at university for very long it seems unwise for you to hope for a ready-made friendship group (like the one you had at school) to just magically appear - it won't (even if that's how it seems with all these people that you see out and about). If I'm right (and you haven't been at university for that long), then I'd say sit tight - true friendships will come in time. If I'm wrong, and you've been at university for over a year, then I'd advise you to join more university societies (you can never be a member of too many :p:

) and put yourself out there, find people with the same interests as you that you can be friends with. The bulk of my social life comes from uni societies and it's where I met most of my friends - frankly I don't know what I would have done otherwise!

I hope this post doesn't come off like it's full of assumptions - if it does, then I didn't mean it to be. Hope some of it is helpful, anyway.