boyfriend...confusion/shock

My boyfriend was seriously thinking of ending our relationship yesterday for numerous reasons but he decided not too. It all started yesterday afternoon and he seriously didn't know what caused him to start feeling like it. He did say that he loved me too much and that if I stay with him, it won't be good for me in the long run and he doesn't deserve me. I'd done nothing to hurt him. He said I'd be better off without him in the future. Considering what he was planning to do was the hardest decision he ever had to make....I had to spend hours talking him out of it. Despite the fact we are still together....I still feel shocked about what happened. I woke up upset this morning when you would think everything will be ok. Just wondering why I feel bad this morning? I was happy when he actually decided to stick with me and am still relieved. He did apologise for putting me through it last night and said he was stupid.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I've done that to my boyfriend before...I suffer from depression and I got this horrible thought that if I got depressed again it would be really bad for him (looking back I guess I was getting that way again already). I said exactly what he said to you. I'm not surprised you feel bad this morning, but I'd be willing to be he's kicking himself for not going through with it as he's trying to protect you from something about him. It should pass - in the meantime, spend a lot of time with him and reassure him that he hasn't pushed you away (even if he has, to some extent). He will only have done that because he loves you so much. :smile:

Reply 2

8people

If he told you the reasons he was considering splitting up with you it might be wise to make a note of them, even if you don't discuss them or even act on them it might give something to just consider if you're worried.

He did say that he loved me too much and that if I stay with him, it won't be good for me in the long run and he doesn't deserve me

Has something happened at school/work/in the family that will have stressed him out recently? When people get stressed or have to deal with sudden changes the initial reaction is often to isolate themselves, whether they want to be with people or not (Sounds strange, but is annoyingly true :s-smilie:

)

My friends bf pulled something like this on her a while back, he'd just been in a minor car accident when a girl at my school went into his car because she wasn't looking at the road :rolleyes:

he injured his back, couldn't drive and was put on strong painkillers. He felt he couldn't cope being stuck at home, he was asked to leave his place of work and he felt worthless.

Your boyfriend, OP, has told you he loves you and you know you've done nothing to hurt him. But when you're asleep your mind still works in the background remembering all the little insecurities you might harbour, so shock when waking up is fine :wink:

just try to relax, perhaps give him a little extra space to think, but tell him you're there if he ever needs someone to talk to.

Also be a little careful, repeat performances can hurt just as much. :frown:

Reply 3

Fleece

My ex did this exact thing to me on about 3 occasions. Was heartbreaking each time, but I stuck it out cos I was so relieved each time he changed his mind. It's no way for a relationship to go though.