Please Help - relationship disaster

Hey,

I really don't know what to do in my relationship/life. I have recently agreed to move to another country with my b'f so we can both pursue our educational aspirations and stay together, as i want to do medicine and he a masters we were both over the moon when we got offers in the same place, as both are very competitive. Unfortunately, for this to happen we both had to make sacrifices and we both turned down offers which would have been a lot more convenient for us (close to family ,friends etc), as I am a mature student these things of course are important to me, but we were willing to do this to stay together.

Unforunately, I recently found out he has been sending dirty messages on his phone to another girl, this has completely changed evertything as he has always said that he hates cheats and would never lie to me. When I confronted him about this, he tore up his sim card and said he was just messing about, and if I wanted to end it over something so trivial then so be it, esp as we have been planning our future together in another country.

The problem is that this has completely destroyed my trust and faith in the relationship, and I am really paranoid now, esp as he has always been very secretive when on the phone and when online and I just dont know what to do. I have always been a very insecure person, and I find it hard to make friends and meet people, whereas he is the complete opposite, and this doesn't seem to have affected him as much it has broken me. I want to trust him, and I understand what he has given up for me, but there is a tiny chance i can get into uni here now, but if I pursue this option I will definately lose him, I just dont know what to do.

Any advice??

Reply 1

featheredblack

if you cant trust him then you cant love him. if someone can take someone else trust and rup it up, it isnt worth the hastle. you shouldnt have to change uni either! if the soul purpose was to be with him then dont go. but the chance to live and study in another country is a once is an experience that will brauden your horrizon. you should go, uni's are HUGE! its not like you will be seeing him all of the time and even if you do be yourself, be strang and show him you have moved on with your life and you are the better person. he will ask for your hand in forgiveness. and its up to you, if he can do it once he can do it again. a tigger never changes its stripes

Reply 2

username47781

20

Exactly what is to stop him doing that again even if he promises not to. It is very clear he is a compulsive liar, after he said he hates cheats, yet he he is texting dirty messages to another girl. That is just downright disrespectful sorry. If he cared about you he wouldn't do that.

Once the trust has gone in the relationship then it just can't work and clearly he hasn't been honest.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

id say still go to university over there if thats what you want it is a great oppourtunity. and he can get lost-- or you can try and build the trust up again over time

Reply 4

spacecowgirl89

1

featheredblack

if he can do it once he can do it again

I agree. Sending dirty texts to another girl and contradicting himself about hating cheats and then challenging you saying are you going to let that come between us is completely unacceptable. Relationships are built on trust - if you have no trust, you can't have a secure relationship. I say ditch him now before you invest too much of your life in him and things get serious. Do what you want to do where you want to do it - whatever makes you happy. If you're going to be paranoid and insecure with him then you can do without that.

Reply 5

Knudsen

I know it must be hard hearing this, but I think you already know what you have to do. Even if you get over this incident, which I find highly unlikely since trust is VERY important in a relationship - it'll just be a matter of time before he pulls some crap like this again.

You also have to consider the fact that it might be more than just texting and that this doesn't necessarily have to be the first time. Seeing as you now can't even trust him enough to believe his explanations (which he doesn't seem to give anyways), how are you to ever now?

You seem to love him very much, but trust us when we say that no matter how much it'll hurt to leave him now, he'll hurt you more if you stay. He has been disrespectful, he has violated your trust and then not even cared enough to feel remorseful and try to amend it - instead trying to blame it on you by saying that you would throw away the relationship over this - when clearly he was the one who ruined everything in the first place.

Dump him girl, we're rooting for you.

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

to be controversial, this bloke has made a huge commitment to you and is probs absolutely bricking himself about it and sees some flirty textign as a way just to let himself know he still has some independence and -while I'm in no way saying this is acceptable behaviour - i don't think you should be too quick to throw it all away.

Reply 7

Eidothea

1

I think this is a warning bell to you before you get too deep into the relationship. Sure, it may seem that he has made a huge commitment to you, but if you're the only person that he wants to have a future with, he shouldn't have done that.
If he really is the one for you, he wouldn't try to sweep the problem away but instead listen to you and try to address it. Don't ruin your chance of happiness for him.

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

If you're gonnat hrow it all away over this then how can one ever be in a relationship for 20-40 years. Along the line something is gonna happen, it always does, it's how you get through it that counts. Having said that, he only sent flirty messages. If he never does anything bad again then would it be worth chucking it all away? I think you need to talk to him properly and tell him how serious it is, not just the texts he sent but the underlying issue under it all. He must of sent those texts for a reason. Find out that reason and if you're certain the reason is false then do what is best for you and not for the both of you.

Reply 9

username47781

20

Anonymous

If you're gonnat hrow it all away over this then how can one ever be in a relationship for 20-40 years. Along the line something is gonna happen, it always does, it's how you get through it that counts. Having said that, he only sent flirty messages. If he never does anything bad again then would it be worth chucking it all away? I think you need to talk to him properly and tell him how serious it is, not just the texts he sent but the underlying issue under it all. He must of sent those texts for a reason. Find out that reason and if you're certain the reason is false then do what is best for you and not for the both of you.

Surely if he really loved her, he wouldn't need to send dirty messages to another girl.

Reply 10

Anonymous #4

We all may do bad things to people we love. Heck, i've done many bad things but that doesn't mean i never loved the person. Sometimes a big issue is indeed a small one... i think it's best to know for certain or at least try and find out the main issue behind it all. If the reason he did it is small and he can prove his trust then why end it. If not, then dump him imo.

Please Help - relationship disaster

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