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sigh

hi.

Im a 19 yr old boy on a gap year currently working in a town away from home. I was raised in a muslim household, but in recent years have become an atheist. The town in which im living in i hve lots of family who are more religious than my immediate family, and im currently living with one of my uncles who has just com back from hajj a few month back. The problem begins with the fact i dont think i will ever believe in god for my own reasons which i wont go into here, however i just spent the last weekend on a religious weekend (because of my uncle) where we slept in the mosque and listened to talks by scholars. I hated every second and wanted to come home and ended up crying to my sister on phone. Each day i hate my life more and more and just as i was beginning to enjoy my work and settle down im getting sucked into the religious community which i just cant stand any more. each day i feel like just taking my own life and feel empty and alone inside. i want to quit my job Even though i enjoy it, but i need to save money for university next year as ill get no help from fam and wll be going to london. Thats partly why im living with my uncle to save money. Im just so stuck, i cant say no to these people, they even want me to come to the mosque everyday for half an hour after praying and sit and listen to more scholars. I just cant take this anymore. i just dont wnat this life anymore, nothing seems worthwhile anymor, and i have come to deteste islam with a passion, but i cant tell my family that. :frown:

sorry for the rant and thax for reading, just needed to get that off my chest.

Reply 1

Zerforax

Unfortunately a lot of family members wont understand nor be able to accept it...
Either you need to be more firm about it, sit down and explain how you feel and that they need to understand you love them but dont share the same views etc.

Reply 2

seafairy

if you stay it would drive you even more crazy. Cant you get another job. Unless you can stick it out you will have to find another way of raising money for university.

Reply 3

domlague

Hi,

Sarforaz, I don't think it's quite so easy as to sit down and have a chat. That sort of thing just isn't done in traditionalist muslim families - a break with their religion by one of their relatives is to many muslims simply unthinkable. In some countries it'd get you killed to try and renounce your religion: if not by your own family in order to purge themselves of the shame they feel, then under shariah law in many muslim states under which a renunciation of faith is a capital offense.

I'd recommend that he instead tries to find some escape elsewhere (music, literature, sport... anything which is a release for one's emotions), for I feel he'd find it even more difficult to live with a family of which a part excommunicates him entirely than to put up with his current situation.

That said, I sometimes wish I could have the opportunity to listen to Islamic scholars (moderate ones - I'm firmly anti-radicalism) simply for my interest in other cultures. Perhaps he should consider himself lucky to have such an opportunity! Nevertheless, putting up now will surely make him even more determined to stick with his decisions regarding religion in the future.

Finally: cheer up :smile:

! Nothing's ever as bad as it seems now in the present - with both foresight and hindsight the world is almost invariably easier to understand and to resign oneself to. This resignation often brings wisdom, and wisdom in turn happiness!

- Just my 2p worth on the subject - hope it helps in some way :smile:

Reply 4

sus_clarke

Hey can i just say that your being very brave about the whole situtation as i understand how strict islamic religions can be. However i think takin your life is a far worse option than tellin your parents how you feel.

Another point to think about is uni is only about 6 months away and this will completely change your life, you'll have more freedom and you will not have to conform to religion if you really dont want 2. Also this will probably be an easier time to tell your parents about views of your religion and you wont have to worry about rejection as you will have your own place.

Basically my advice is keep on truckin :biggrin:

Things can only get better! Stick with your job because if you loose that it sounds like you'll not have anywhere you enjoy to escape 2. :biggrin:

Reply 5

domlague

Hey, it's me again.

Being the optimist, I'd say that halfway-in is halfway-out! :smile:

Try to look on the bright side of things - it may seem that there isn't one now, but in six months' time I'm sure you'll see the sunshine!

- ciao ciao :cool:

,

- me.

Reply 6

pollystyrene07

yeah im in a similar position. i was brought up a strict catholic but don't feel as though i really belong to that community anymore because of my beliefs. i still believe in god but i also enjoy exploring other religions and question whether catholicism is the 'right' one. it's very sad how people (even members of your own family) can put religion before anything and everyone else. i think the best thing to do is just be honest with them and if they don't accept you or your beliefs then it's their prob & they have to deal with it.

Reply 7

spacecowgirl89

I was brought up in a catholic family, but I've never had catholic views forced upon me, and although I don't really agree with everything catholicism says, I know I believe in God, and that's good enough for me. I really sympathise with you, 'cos I'd hate not to be able to have the freedom to choose what I want to believe in, or not to be able to express it. But as everyone's said, uni isn't far off, so if you can stick it out til then, you'll be on your own free to choose where you go and after that you can get your own place and a good job and no one can force you to go anywhere you don't want! :smile:

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Don't lash out at your family - I hope you can go through the motions of religious observance for another few months -- no-one is saying you have to believe what these twits believe (that's my personal opinion everyone - don't get stressy...) but going with the flow now will ease your way out later on.

As I understand it Islam emphasises respect for elders as does the way Muslim families behave towards each other.

So sitting down for a chat in which you tell your uncles you don't believe a word of it is not possible.

And you have already said that your immediate family cannot help you financially so I assume your uncle is stepping because he is a good person (and ironically a good muslim)?

Perhaps try and be grateful he's taken you in (if you can) and all he expects in return is that you listen to some of what he believes in - you don't have to join in except superficially.

I know it seems like a lot to ask but in September you'll be at uni living off the money your uncle has helped you earn by taking you in.

I suppose this sounds like a big ramble - I think I'm saying "chin up; stiff upper lip" - in fact behave like an Englishman!

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Anonymous

Don't lash out at your family - I hope you can go through the motions of religious observance for another few months -- no-one is saying you have to believe what these twits believe (that's my personal opinion everyone - don't get stressy...) but going with the flow now will ease your way out later on.
As I understand it Islam emphasises respect for elders as does the way Muslim families behave towards each other.

So sitting down for a chat in which you tell your uncles you don't believe a word of it is not possible.

And you have already said that your immediate family cannot help you financially so I assume your uncle is stepping because he is a good person (and ironically a good muslim)?

Perhaps try and be grateful he's taken you in (if you can) and all he expects in return is that you listen to some of what he believes in - you don't have to join in except superficially.

I know it seems like a lot to ask but in September you'll be at uni living off the money your uncle has helped you earn by taking you in.

I suppose this sounds like a big ramble - I think I'm saying "chin up; stiff upper lip" - in fact behave like an Englishman!

Thats a very valid point and the same opinion i held at the start but it seems like ive given them an inch and theyve taken a mile. every effort i 'pretended' to make just encourages them to be more persistant with me. i just want to be left alone and have my own free will.

Reply 10

Minardi

I've had the atheism-religion discussion with my folks too. Their not strong religious people (hell, they've never mentioned church since I was baptised, but now expect me to be religious!) but seem to think I should still beleive. I don't, and they don't like it, but they're putting up with it. Its much harder in Muslim families though, a friend of mine is a strong atheist like me, however he can't tell any of his family as he will be thrown out. He just goes along. Poor sod.