Breaking up over university. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
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I've been with my boyfriend for coming up to a year, seeing him essentially every day. He goes to university in Newcastle, where I live, and I am currently applying to university in Leeds. In your experiences, is it possible for the relationship to carry on after moving away? I could potentially go to Sunderland instead, which would be close enough to see him just as often, but would be much less fun as a university.
If it weren't for university, I would 100% want to continue the relationship as it's the happiest I've ever been. Do you think it's stupid to pick a university you like last to stay with the person who makes you that happy? Mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
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rhi_el
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been with my boyfriend for coming up to a year, seeing him essentially every day. He goes to university in Newcastle, where I live, and I am currently applying to university in Leeds. In your experiences, is it possible for the relationship to carry on after moving away? I could potentially go to Sunderland instead, which would be close enough to see him just as often, but would be much less fun as a university.
If it weren't for university, I would 100% want to continue the relationship as it's the happiest I've ever been. Do you think it's stupid to pick a university you like last to stay with the person who makes you that happy? Mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
Ultimately it's up to you. My friend changed her university choice (to one which was significantly less prestigious) to stay with her boyfriend in her hometown and they *seem* very happy. I have other friends who have managed to keep up relationships whilst their bf/gf has been elsewhere at university and also some who broke up. It's too personal to give any real advice but you need to consider yourself and your needs first and foremost. If it has always been your aim to go to Leeds then you'd need to be totally sure that staying was worthwhile, even if your relationship ended at some point. It's not stupid to stay with someone whom you love and makes you happy but you do have to be happy as an individual too and weigh up which you could regret more in the future. If you are so happy together and you are focused on each other then you should be able to make it work wherever you are and your boyfriend would want to see you live out your dreams!
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stargirl63
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been with my boyfriend for coming up to a year, seeing him essentially every day. He goes to university in Newcastle, where I live, and I am currently applying to university in Leeds. In your experiences, is it possible for the relationship to carry on after moving away? I could potentially go to Sunderland instead, which would be close enough to see him just as often, but would be much less fun as a university.
If it weren't for university, I would 100% want to continue the relationship as it's the happiest I've ever been. Do you think it's stupid to pick a university you like last to stay with the person who makes you that happy? Mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
Don't choose your uni based on a relationship. There's countless threads on here about people who break up during freshers because they want to explore, make new friends, someone cheated, not enough time at uni, workload is too much etc. At 18, you don't really know what you want in a relationship, you don't know if he really makes you happy - the reason I say that is because your wants and needs in a partner change over time. What you want at 18, will most likely not be what you're looking for at the age of 21.

Just choose your first choice. If it's meant to be, it will.
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JUST2VIEWPOSTS
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You're clearly already thinking about ending it... so go through with it.
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AdorableDrip
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Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and we're currently at uni's 300 miles apart or so. We Skype every night and we make time for each other, we see each other every other week, it's expensive and I'm now moving uni because I dislike my uni and to be closer, but if I was enjoying this uni we could probably make it work just try it, there's no point breaking up because you think it *might* not not work out, you don't know until you try


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سِيسِي
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Never go to a university just to be close to someone you're involved with, it's not wise.

It's wise to break up. But it's a tricky situation. If you find yourself living in different cities, then you won't be able to have a relationship. The best you can do is remain pen pals and exchange emails and texts, perhaps call each other or video chat or you can even visit each other every once in a while. What I'm saying is that, even though you won't be in a relationship if you're in different cities, it doesn't mean you have to stop contacting each other. Labelling it as a 'break up' seems rather dramatic.

Once again, whatever you do, do not pick a university which isn't your first choice just to be close to him. Your future comes first, the best thing for you would be to apply to your first choice university because that's where you want to be.

If you do choose to move away, then the relationship obviously can't carry on (unless you can somehow find a way to spend lots of time together and to visit each other very regularly, but then this is likely to have a very significant negative impact on your studies). I'll repeat what I said earlier, you can still maintain contact as pen pals by texting and calling each other. But you have to keep in mind that the parameters of your 'relationship' will change drastically.
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square_peg
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been with my boyfriend for coming up to a year, seeing him essentially every day. He goes to university in Newcastle, where I live, and I am currently applying to university in Leeds. In your experiences, is it possible for the relationship to carry on after moving away? I could potentially go to Sunderland instead, which would be close enough to see him just as often, but would be much less fun as a university.
If it weren't for university, I would 100% want to continue the relationship as it's the happiest I've ever been. Do you think it's stupid to pick a university you like last to stay with the person who makes you that happy? Mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
I would avoid changing my university choice for my boyfriend - I had a boyfriend who I'd been with just under a year when we were going to uni.

The thing is that you're doing university for your future, and there is a chance you and your boyfriend will break up, but your future will always be important to you. Changing university choice (which ultimately means not going for your favourite uni) puts more pressure on your relationship, and could make you resent him if you start feeling the other university course would have been better for you.

Remember that when you go to university you'll create yourself an entire life there, and at 18 you don't want to be extracting yourself from that to spend time with your boyfriend who lives down the road.

Long distance absolutely can work. Me and my boyfriend did an entire year of uni before we broke up for entirely unrelated reasons.

If you're really happy with him and have a mature relationship (by which I mean there are no unhealthy dependencies on each other - you have your independence) then go for it! Most of my close friends who started out uni in relationships either are still together or broke up for another reason.

Long distance can help you to grow together, but do make sure that if it's not making you happy any more, that you don't cling on 'to prove everyone wrong'.

Tips/ideas for balancing your relationship and uni include having a pre-agreed Skype date at regular times, only talking for a fixed time on Skype /phone and not texting during the day, hanging out together with both your friends when you visit each other, and doing fun things together (rather than staying in bed cuddling together, which is very tempting!)

Sorry that's been such a long post - I've been in the same dilemma and I hope this helped you out!

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