The Student Room Group

How to not let her bother me.

Hey guys.

Ok, so there's this girl who my bf is kinda like best friends with I guess and I hate it!

He was good friends with her before we met, then when we got together, she ditched us both and was really horrible to us cos we were together. Anyway, she's been back in our lives for about 4/5 months now as she works for my bf in his shop. Things were ok until me and my bf had a small upset in January and I realised he had spoken to her about it. I guess that's fair enough as I would talk to a good friend about it as well but it's just the fact it was her, you know?

Anyway since then i've been really paranoid that somethings going on and i've been quite miserable to be honest. I love my boyfriend so much and don't wanna lose him. He always tells me he loves me and that I won't lose him and I really don't think he would cheat on me, it's just my head going doolalee.

So onto what this post is about...has anyone got any tips on how I can not let her bother me, as I hate going to see my bf at lunch when she's there, I know you'd probably say don't go, which sometimes I won't but I don't want her to push me away from my bf. Also when she txts him or he chats to her online and stuff, how can I try and not let it bother me? I'm usually so eager to read his txts from her as well just to calm me down that nothings going on. Its so hard!

Help!
Reply 1
well hes going out with you so you should just trust him not to be doing anything. its hard but ultimatly only you can convince yourself that they are just friends.
my ex was like you are with one of my almost best friends and thats a reason shes an ex.
Talk to him about it. Say that you understand he's close to her but that you feel uncomfortable around her, I'm sure he'll reassure you and tell you exactly what you know - that he loves you, that's why he's with you. It's hard having your bf be close to another girl, but that's all he is! Don't let jealousy come between you, just find another hobby or something to do that'll take up your time and focus on other things so when you get time together you can just focus on him and don't worry about this other girl.
Reply 3
Well I have spoken to him about it a few times, which I know must get him down. He constantly tells me he loves me etc and that I won't lose him. It's just so hard for me, i'm such an insecure person. I hate the girl so much and it's my biggest regret letting her back into our lives. I mean, I went to look at his phone the other day, I just said oh lets look at your phone and he said hang on a min, let me show u something, but i knew he was deleting a txt so that got me so paranoid. I mean there could be a simple explanation like everything else ive been paranoid about. I don't know, i'm just so scared that one day we're gonna break up. It makes me feel sick thinking about it. :frown:
Don't be silly - and don't worry! If he says he loves you and you're not going to lose him then you're not going to break up, the only reason you might is if you carry on obsessing over this girl and let her ruin your relationship! If he was deleting a text, then it was probably only because he thought you'd freak out and he was trying to protect you because he doesn't want that happening - obviously if he didn't cared, he wouldn't be saying he loved you so much etc etc? I used to be really insecure so I can empathise completely. You've just got to accept that he's going out with you, that by being all clingy and paranoid and jealous about this girl it's a)only going to ruin your relationship with your bf and affect how you get on and b)ultimately drive him away from you.

Focus more on when you spend time together and try not to think about this girl. If your bf is working with her than you can't really expect her to stay out of your life completely, and I understand why you hate her, but if your bf was close friends with her before you met it's unreasonable to expect him not to speak to her as much now. Do you speak to the girl? Is she single? From what you said about her trying to break you up she sounds horrible, but maybe that's 'cos she thought she'd lose your bf as a friend? Is she deliberately nasty to you?
Reply 5
Thanks, and I think you're right about him deleting it cos he knows i'll freak out. I'd do the same if he was like it. I just find it hard to believe sometimes. Well when we first got together and this was in October 2005, she turned right off and she was friends with me at first saying it's not fair cos now I can't bitch to you about him, cos she always used to bitch about her friends. And she'd say things like she'd rather stick pins in her eyes than talk to my bf. Then when she needed a job (cos her parents made her get out and get something) she was nice to my bf and hated me.

She hasn't got alot of confidence and is rather tom boyish, but she doesnt seem to try and look for a job. God I can't stand the girl. She just doesn't talk to me now and I don't talk to her but it just makes me feel sick her being there or when her and my bf go out on a call-out or something. (It's an IT services shop).
I can understand that. PM me if you want/msn if you want to talk. The important thing to remember is to not let your hatred of her get in the way of you and your bf - although it will. Maybe if you spoke to your bf just to say that you don't mind him wanting to speak about arguments you have with his friends, just not this girl, mainly because she's a girl and 'cos all of the trouble she's caused - say you'd rather him speak about it to a male friend, and I'm sure if he loves you he'll understand and agree.
Reply 7
I don't understand why your boyfriend is being so friendly with her if you can't stand her..
Reply 8
'He always tells me he loves me and that I won't lose him....'

i've heard that before.

stepheh: he's being so friendly with her because she is a friend.. it's generally what you do with someone who you like being around. if they have been good friends for a while and before the OP met her bf, then she can't really complain. friends are for life and the such.