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I like her but I fear rejection

I like a girl that I've been talking to for weeks. But the issue is I'm worried about getting rejected. My reasoning is that I am not 100% convinced that this girl likes me or not. I have in my mindset that there is no point in asking a girl our if she doesn't reciprocate those feelings for me because it's just asking to get rejected. Of course this can result in an infinite loop of me not fully knowing if she likes me so therefore I'll never end up asking her out.

For some days I have been testing the water to find out if she likes me back. I am aware of the signs of when a girl likes me and I am not getting those signs from her. In fact, it's very difficult to tell because she is the friendly type so I don't know how to differentiate friendliness with her being into me.

Am I justified in my approach or my mentality? What should I do?

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Reply 1

581371

I'd say go for it. Believe me, it's torture when you get to the point of going around in loops. Worst case she says no, it'll be a little awkward at first but you'd still be able to go back to being friends (assuming you want to). Honestly, just go for it man, you'll be glad you did.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zuki

I lost one of my best friends because I had that attitude where I just did it anyway so i asked her out and she didn't talk to me again. It really hurt me and that experience has made me be more cautious in situations like this :frown:

Reply 3

jazjaz

The only way to be 100% sure is to take a risk and ask her. Beats speculating every day I say. It's either going to be a yes or a no and even if it's a no you are then freed up to find someone new.

Reply 4

jazjaz

Original post by Anonymous

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to me...

Reply 5

581371

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I get you man, it's definitely a risk. But I know from experience that dwelling over it and going in circles is just as bad. Sure losing a friend is horrible, but you got it done and had closure over the situation.

In the end, if you decide not to tell her and carry on as you are (being friends), it'll just end up torturing you either way. You're friends with a girl you essentially like but don't want to ask out incase you lose her, but in that time she could have someone else in mind, and you'd end up feeling hurt when that isn't you.

Imo, I'd go for it, more to gain than lose.

Good luck with what you decide to do

Reply 6

Conkerr

Sounds like me one month ago. She didn't give any signs, I was almost convinced she didn't like me back.

I still told her. Of course she rejected me. She wanted us to stay friends, I said ok. She was my best female friend and I knew she really liked me as a friend. We still talk so far but our friendship is different. We have arguments all the time now.

One month ago I would have told you go for it, you have nothing to lose. Now I tell you, if you think she doesn't like you, don't do it. She'll probably still want to be your friends but it's just gonna be different if you don't move on quickly. And if you keep seeing her (if you stay friends you will), you won't be able to move on.

Reply 7

SophieSmall

What's the point in living if you live in fear? It holds you back from so many opportunities.

Honestly, the more you get out there and start stepping outside of your comfort zone more often these things won't even phase you.

So in short, just ask her out. And if she does reject you then so what? Billions more people out there, and her not liking you isn't necessarily a bad reflection on you. You can't have them all, and that's okay.

Reply 8

caitlinellison

If you like someone just yolo it. I had a major crush on my friend and he kept friendzoning me and saying we will be nothing more. But then one day we go to the cinema and he comes round mine and kisses me like :O (literally my face). So moral of the story: don't let rejection restrict you :smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #2

she may be too shy

what is she like when she speaks to you?

Reply 10

BrokenLife

As everyone else said, just tell her. But don't come across as needy or desperate. That's a real turn off!

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

she may be too shy

what is she like when she speaks to you?

Very open, interested and chatty, but she's like that to other people (I think)

Reply 12

BrokenLife

Have you guys ever had deep convos?
Have you ever felt like perhaps she likes you?

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by BrokenLife

As everyone else said, just tell her. But don't come across as needy or desperate. That's a real turn off!

Well, I'm pretty bad at this dating thing. What shall I say? Just invite her for a drink?

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by BrokenLife

Have you guys ever had deep convos?
Have you ever felt like perhaps she likes you?

We had deep convos once or twice in person

I'm not sure. I can't tell. I don't think she does, I'd like to think she does but I don't see the signs

Reply 15

BrokenLife

Original post by Anonymous

Well, I'm pretty bad at this dating thing. What shall I say? Just invite her for a drink?

Yes, you can do that. What I meant by not being needy and desperate is that explaining over and over again as to why you like or that you like her. Just briefly say it to her and then don't talk about it for ages. Let her wonder. Let her think about it. If she has an interest she will tell you.

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

We had deep convos once or twice in person

I'm not sure. I can't tell. I don't think she does, I'd like to think she does but I don't see the signs

what was she like in real?

Did you do anything that allowed you to really get to know eachother or was it just a generic date e.g. ice skating

Reply 17

Conkerr

You don't care whether your friendship will still be the same after a possible rejection: tell her
You do care: think twice before doing it

You won't like this but imo if she doesn't show signs, she isn't interested. I had girls who were very nice with me and all they wanted was to be friends with me. 1 or 2 even showed signs, was flirty as hell, and again, they were just a tease, wasn't even interested either. Ohhh girls.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 18

Anonymous #3

Hi, me and this guy that I like had a very deep conversation over his sexuality. Because I'm gay and he was making all of the first moves in talking to me. And we spoke about his sexuality one night and in conclusion he said he was still unsure (I'm 90% sure he's gay though...) What are your thoughts on this.

P.S: OP, I'd say that you seriously should go for it. It's all you can do, it's not like you're gonna stop talking to her because you're too scared to ask her out. Honestly, I'd ask her out soon. In the next week. Just simple "Would you like to go out sometime?" Or you could say "Do you want to go on a date with me?" You won't regret it, even if the outcome isn't what you hoped, you'll have gained experience from this sort of situation, and it'll help you in the future when you find the one you want to settle down with (it may even be this girl). Hope I've helped! :smile:

Original post by BrokenLife

Have you guys ever had deep convos?
Have you ever felt like perhaps she likes you?

Reply 19

Conkerr

Original post by Foo.mp3

I'm afraid that these are problems particular to you. There's nothing to stop a reasonable, humble, balanced individual remaining friends with someone who has indicated that they do not have romantic feelings for them

I don't think so. I just said it was a possibility. Of course sometimes it just doesn't change anything. But there is a strong possibility that things will never be the same anymore. I'm not the only person who has this problem after being rejected, I know people in the same situation.