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Have my cake and eat it?

I'll try to keep this brief:

I broke up with my boyfriend because I was getting increasingly frustrated at his indifference and generally hurtful behaviour.

I met this incredibly attractive guy on a night out and ended up having sex with him. He made it clear he doesn't want a relationship. He's leaving the country in a matter of weeks.

I arranged to meet incredibly attractive guy for courtship and maybe more. Then guilt got the better of me, so I cancelled on him and told the ex I want to get back with him.

The ex mostly ignored me for a week; all this time, I didn't contact incredibly attractive guy.

Today, I contacted incredibly attractive guy, to see how he was doing. He asked to see me before he goes. All of a sudden, the ex contacted asking if I wanna meet him sometime this week. I kindly declined.

In a nutshell: I really like incredibly attractive guy and think I'd be happy with even just a fling with him. I know there's no relationship potential, but I'm quite infatuated. I regret cancelling on him.

BUT I think I still have feelings for the ex. I cried myself to sleep thinking about him for a good few weeks. Now that he wants to see me again, I can't be bothered. I want to see incredibly attractive guy first and finish what we started, and at the same time I want to keep the ex at arm's length because I'll want him back when incredibly attractive guy is gone.

I feel like such a whore thinking like this, but I can't help it. I'm greedy and inconsiderate of these guys' feelings. Any feedback?

Reply 1

username47781

20

You really need to figure what exactly you want, you cannot obviously have both guys as that is unfair and someone will get hurt in the end.

I don't think though going back to your ex is a good idea, after you described him as indifferent and hurtful.

But the bottom line is the other guy said he does not want a relationship, all he wants is just sex, if you are happy to be used like an easy piece of meat until he leaves then that's up to you. Because it sounds like you like him more than just for a little fling.

Personally I think you will be better without both them guys, but really it is up to you to decide what you want.

Reply 2

WokSz

17

You say he was being indifferent? Why would you want to go back to him?

Reply 3

LipGloss

OP

I really don't know. He was always making excuses not to see me, even during vacations he couldn't spare ten minutes to have a chat and sort things out. I guess I miss the way he made me feel when he was having a good day. And I don't mean sex - he was selfish and crap at it.

Reply 4

Juwel

18

Pssh.

You just miss the companionship of the relationship. You'll get that back, but your ex isn't the guy to do it with. It'll come in time when you find another guy. In the meantime, forget your ex, it's not actually him as a person you want. And have your fun with the other dude if it makes you happy.

Reply 5

Pork Pie Guy

10

Just don't play hot and cold with your ex as that doesn't seem like the fair thing to do and wil be highly confusing. Whatever decision you make, stick with it.

Best of luck

Reply 6

sidi

1

No, you don't want your ex back! You've done all the crying over breaking up so don't go back over old ground where you weren't happy. Don't know why you felt guilty about other guy when you and ex were finished.
Enjoy your fling then find someone new who appreciates you.

Reply 7

dita_parlo

11

Why would you wanna go back to somebody who is hurtful, indifferent, selfish and crap in bed? Sounds like you really lost a great guy there!

Reply 8

WokSz

17

I think it's only fair that you think about yourself. Just do what pleases you and forget your ex - he's a complete loser.

Reply 9

Tyler Durden

17

LipGloss

I'm greedy and inconsiderate of these guys' feelings. Any feedback?

Well the only thing "incredibly attractive guy" is feeling are your boobs, so I wouldn't worry there. Your ex has shown himself to be inconsiderate of your feelings in the past and, whatever he says now, I would be a little wary of jumping to any overly romantic conclusions about his motives. So, it's kind of good from that point of view (you won't be doing any lasting emotional damage). But what about from your point of view... maybe have the fling with the one guy and leave the ex - I don't see how getting re-involved will be a good thing.

Reply 10

LipGloss

OP

Thanks very much for all your replies. It's true that I miss my ex's companionship more than anything else. I just feel like I'm stuck, because I'm the one who took the initiative to say I want to get back together (as I dumped him in the first place) and now I've changed my mind (I think). He'll think I'm deliberately messing with him.

As for the hot guy, I don't see how I can see him again. He's on the other side of the country at the moment and is going abroad soon. I think in the end nothing will happen with either guy. It's for the best, really.

Thanks everyone. xxxxxx

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

I don't think it's fair to say that casual sex is being 'used as an easy piece of meat'. Casual sex can be great as long as both know it's casual.

I don't think you should get back with your ex. Crying is natural as you are missing the good parts, whenever you feel like this just remember why you broke up in the first place.

If I were you, I'd ask your ex for some space and tell him you'll contact him for friendship and nothing more when you're ready. If you want the fling with the other guy go for it, new experiences and all that.

It's ok to be selfish sometimes if it's what's right for you. Don't let obligation tie you down when you're so young. Enjoy yourself, and in my opinion where sex is concerned, if you can honestly 100% justify it to yourself, and can respect yourself, it's ok. Only you know whether you can or not.

xx

Have my cake and eat it?

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