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Strange relationship?
Ok, so I'm in a bit of a weird situation (not that weird, it's just weird in the sense that I can't classify it).
I have been seeing this bloke for several weeks now (5/6). We see eachother once a week at the weekend (he takes me away to various places), and usually spend the night together - he works away during the week. However, we text eachother every day and inevitably speak on the phone too during the week, it's not an 'intense' relationship as such, we mostly chat away light-heartedly, and generally get on well.
This is the thing though - one night about 2 weeks ago, we were on a night out in London, both fairly drunk, and getting pretty touchy-feely in this bar, and saying how much we liked eachother. He turned round and said to me (from what I remember):
"I really like you... I like seeing you, I like your company, we have fun together. But I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I just want us to see eachother, but not see other people."
I'm very confused by this. What does this mean - he only wants to have fun with me at the weekend? But he has continually stipulated that he doesn't want me to see anyone else. The first time he met me, he even said 'please don't see anyone else until we meet again'... So I am confused...
What should I do? Or should I do nothing?
I have been seeing this bloke for several weeks now (5/6). We see eachother once a week at the weekend (he takes me away to various places), and usually spend the night together - he works away during the week. However, we text eachother every day and inevitably speak on the phone too during the week, it's not an 'intense' relationship as such, we mostly chat away light-heartedly, and generally get on well.
This is the thing though - one night about 2 weeks ago, we were on a night out in London, both fairly drunk, and getting pretty touchy-feely in this bar, and saying how much we liked eachother. He turned round and said to me (from what I remember):
"I really like you... I like seeing you, I like your company, we have fun together. But I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I just want us to see eachother, but not see other people."
I'm very confused by this. What does this mean - he only wants to have fun with me at the weekend? But he has continually stipulated that he doesn't want me to see anyone else. The first time he met me, he even said 'please don't see anyone else until we meet again'... So I am confused...
What should I do? Or should I do nothing?
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Going on experience, I'm going to say there's more to it than face value. Has he been in a relationship recently? Maybe he really likes you but isn't ready to be with you per se.
Not too long ago, someone who I was pretty much seeing got really annoyed one night because people were calling her my girlfriend. Nothing to do with me, but people talk. Turns out that although she liked me, and despite the fact we were pretty much seeing each other; she didn't want to be my girlfriend. It confused the hell out of me. When I asked why - it was just the very label of it. Heh, needless to say I was a little hurt, ah well.
TBH - it didn't make sense then and it doesn't now. I've just come to the conclusion that there is always far more than they let on. So I'd say, when you're both comfortable, have a deep and meaningful.
Not too long ago, someone who I was pretty much seeing got really annoyed one night because people were calling her my girlfriend. Nothing to do with me, but people talk. Turns out that although she liked me, and despite the fact we were pretty much seeing each other; she didn't want to be my girlfriend. It confused the hell out of me. When I asked why - it was just the very label of it. Heh, needless to say I was a little hurt, ah well.
TBH - it didn't make sense then and it doesn't now. I've just come to the conclusion that there is always far more than they let on. So I'd say, when you're both comfortable, have a deep and meaningful.
remember the truth comes out when your drunk
it means as your thread title says he wasnts to have his cake and eat it. he gets you into bed but hes free (and probably already is) to sleep with other people,
and because hes declared this to you hes not doing anything wrong
it means as your thread title says he wasnts to have his cake and eat it. he gets you into bed but hes free (and probably already is) to sleep with other people,
and because hes declared this to you hes not doing anything wrong
Well, he got out of a relationship about Xmas time but it was only 7months worth.
I heard through the grapevine that he had asked someone else out for a date (this was a few weeks ago) and confronted him with it - I said although we're not officially an item, I didn't think it was 'fair play', as it were. He spent the whole afternoon grovelling and saying that he'd miss me if I didn't want to see him again, although he'd understand if I didn't.
I don't know, I'm confused. It's doing my head in, I'll let it carry on for another few weeks - if I don't get any answers by then, I'm going to ask him straight out 'what the hell are we?'...
I heard through the grapevine that he had asked someone else out for a date (this was a few weeks ago) and confronted him with it - I said although we're not officially an item, I didn't think it was 'fair play', as it were. He spent the whole afternoon grovelling and saying that he'd miss me if I didn't want to see him again, although he'd understand if I didn't.
I don't know, I'm confused. It's doing my head in, I'll let it carry on for another few weeks - if I don't get any answers by then, I'm going to ask him straight out 'what the hell are we?'...
WokSz
Don't wait - confront him now. It's not fair on you if he let's you hang around. Has he been known to do this?
Not from what I know about him. I think he had a hard time with his last girlfriend, maybe that's part and parcel to do with it.
Thing is, I don't want to confront him about it now, as it's still 'early' days, seeing as we've only been seeing eachother just over a month - I think if I wait another few weeks then I'd be more "in the right" (as it were) to ask him what he considered us to be?
He doesn't want you to see other people...and he asked a girl out? Sounds like you're going to get hurt if you stick around this one. Why would you want to stay with him if he doesn't think you are good enough to be his girlfriend and he is chasing other girls? Don't accept being almost good enough.
If he had said, I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend yet because it's so early in the relationship, that would be more understandable. However in this case it sounds like "I don't want to be official" = I want to play the field.
If he had said, I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend yet because it's so early in the relationship, that would be more understandable. However in this case it sounds like "I don't want to be official" = I want to play the field.
Yeah, sadly, I think you might be right rosetinted. I just have such a fun time with him though, and he's very generous, in a way, I thought to myself, well would you be happier with or without him? The answer is, I'd be happier with him, because he takes me out, spoils me and we have a lot of fun together - in more than one sense. I am still at a loss.
This is further complicated by the fact that I have a male friend who I know worships the ground I walk on - however, I just don't have that animal attraction that I have with the bloke I'm seeing. I've never strung my friend along though, he knows the situation.
This is further complicated by the fact that I have a male friend who I know worships the ground I walk on - however, I just don't have that animal attraction that I have with the bloke I'm seeing. I've never strung my friend along though, he knows the situation.
Anonymous
Ok, so I'm in a bit of a weird situation (not that weird, it's just weird in the sense that I can't classify it).
I have been seeing this bloke for several weeks now (5/6). We see eachother once a week at the weekend (he takes me away to various places), and usually spend the night together - he works away during the week. However, we text eachother every day and inevitably speak on the phone too during the week, it's not an 'intense' relationship as such, we mostly chat away light-heartedly, and generally get on well.
This is the thing though - one night about 2 weeks ago, we were on a night out in London, both fairly drunk, and getting pretty touchy-feely in this bar, and saying how much we liked eachother. He turned round and said to me (from what I remember):
"I really like you... I like seeing you, I like your company, we have fun together. But I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I just want us to see eachother, but not see other people."
I'm very confused by this. What does this mean - he only wants to have fun with me at the weekend? But he has continually stipulated that he doesn't want me to see anyone else. The first time he met me, he even said 'please don't see anyone else until we meet again'... So I am confused...
What should I do? Or should I do nothing?
I have been seeing this bloke for several weeks now (5/6). We see eachother once a week at the weekend (he takes me away to various places), and usually spend the night together - he works away during the week. However, we text eachother every day and inevitably speak on the phone too during the week, it's not an 'intense' relationship as such, we mostly chat away light-heartedly, and generally get on well.
This is the thing though - one night about 2 weeks ago, we were on a night out in London, both fairly drunk, and getting pretty touchy-feely in this bar, and saying how much we liked eachother. He turned round and said to me (from what I remember):
"I really like you... I like seeing you, I like your company, we have fun together. But I don't want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend, I just want us to see eachother, but not see other people."
I'm very confused by this. What does this mean - he only wants to have fun with me at the weekend? But he has continually stipulated that he doesn't want me to see anyone else. The first time he met me, he even said 'please don't see anyone else until we meet again'... So I am confused...
What should I do? Or should I do nothing?
This man looks different. If he does not want long relationship why this jealousy. Pl. think.
Wow exactly the same situation. Basically the guy I've been seeing said the same thing, and we got into a position where we were very close to sleeping together, when I said, "wait no, I need us to be more than what we are for me to feel comfortable sleeping with you". So we didn't and had a huge talk about it, where basically nothing got resolved. Then bout a week later after a few drinks we ended up having the same conversation, where he was like "I want us to be going out, but without that label of being a package." Which I was fine with, although I guess we still are considered a package at school! But he also said he cares loads about me, will be there for me, doesn't want to see other girls, etc etc. All very confusing! But I just got out of a long relationship, so I guess this is OK with me for now, especially with going to uni in a couple of months.
Hope that's not just a ramble, but helps a little!
Hope that's not just a ramble, but helps a little!
Well if he doesn't want you to see other people yet he asked another girl out, don't you think thats a bit on the double standards side. Think this guy is simply using you for sex.
i would confront him now.from what ive heard he sounds like a decent bloke and i dont think hed want to mess you about. has he got something major going on in his life? this may be the reason that he doesnt want a relationship? maybe he doesnt want the extras but to me it sounds like your already in a relationship but just without the label of being 'together'. i would talk to him about it..if he still says he doesnt want you as a gf, then maybe he doenst deserve your feelings. go for someone who really wants you and your feelings and doesnt just want the 'easy' side of a relationship.
but if you really like him then again talk to him and see if you can work something out.
hope that made sense
but if you really like him then again talk to him and see if you can work something out.
hope that made sense
Talya
Because he's declared he THINKS he's not doing anything wrong. But if he is seeing other people that is very wrong.
OP, I think you need to ask him about it and see how he reacts.
OP, I think you need to ask him about it and see how he reacts.
but hes not going out with her, he's single and he has explained the situation. He's single how is it wrong? Assuming hes using the adequte protection that is. From that point of view the OP has two choices deal with it and carry on or break it off
though i do agree she needs to talk to him about it
Update: (lol the soap opera that is my life)
He just called me, I'd sent him a message saying I was 'feeling down'. So, he was ringing to cheer me up...
He implicitly referred to me as his 'girlfriend', or rather his mother did... She'd said to him last Friday "oh going to see your girlfriend again are you?!" lol so maybe this is a good sign?
I've decided that when I see him in person next I'm definitely going to ask him what the deal is!
He just called me, I'd sent him a message saying I was 'feeling down'. So, he was ringing to cheer me up...
He implicitly referred to me as his 'girlfriend', or rather his mother did... She'd said to him last Friday "oh going to see your girlfriend again are you?!" lol so maybe this is a good sign?
I've decided that when I see him in person next I'm definitely going to ask him what the deal is!
Lol I'm in one of these at the moment and have been for about... 6 months now. Though in theory we can see other people we've both basically said that we won't.
To be honest I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and if anything I almost prefer it. The pressure is kept off and all the 'obligations' that come with being in a proper relationship arent there any more. It also means that I'm not letting myself get too carried away if that makes sense? But I dont know if I could ever fully fall in love in this kind of situation. I just dont want to let myself because you're not exactly in a secure position if that makes sense. I'm still really happy though
hehehe oh I am so happy actually 
To be honest I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and if anything I almost prefer it. The pressure is kept off and all the 'obligations' that come with being in a proper relationship arent there any more. It also means that I'm not letting myself get too carried away if that makes sense? But I dont know if I could ever fully fall in love in this kind of situation. I just dont want to let myself because you're not exactly in a secure position if that makes sense. I'm still really happy though
hehehe oh I am so happy actually 
He's basically scared of commitment and thinks that by not having a label things will be easier. I had the same kind of "relationship" for over a year and its good... if u just wana have fun, but inevitably it just gets confusing and you need to ask yourself what is so wrong with labelling what you have?!
If you feel there's a chance of falling in love with him and wanting to call him your boyfriend.. dont do it! Give him an ultimatum, cos from my experience before u know it you've been together a year and nothing to show for it! Actually, the worst bit is cos you're not a proper couple, he wont feel the need to buy you birthday presents or stuff for valentines day.. and you prob deserve more than that
If you feel there's a chance of falling in love with him and wanting to call him your boyfriend.. dont do it! Give him an ultimatum, cos from my experience before u know it you've been together a year and nothing to show for it! Actually, the worst bit is cos you're not a proper couple, he wont feel the need to buy you birthday presents or stuff for valentines day.. and you prob deserve more than that
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