feeling insecure

I have always lacked confidence and felt insecure - this probably stems from the fact that my mum died when I was very young and my dad has jumped from wife to wife and we dont speak anymore anyway, and I have always felt like i'm not worth anything and suffer from bulima and self harming/drugs. When I found my boyfriend, Iwas so happy and I loved his family and I thought I had a whole new life, with him. I then found out recently he was cheating, just after i decided to move away to uni wit him and i feel like my life is over. At first we thought we could work through it, but he has spent all his time wit his mates since i found out. it then came to a head tonight and he said he had been unhappy for ages, as all his friends say i hate them as I just blank them all the time ( i didn't know this, I thought we got on well - except on 2 occasions when they were at the flat and I told my b/f to get rid of them b4 I got home as I was having a bad time and stayed out later so the y could leave, and was annoyed to find them there when I gt home) and also that I giv him grief whwnever he goes (ok - sometimes yeah) etc which is what drove him to cheat. I broke down in tears and begged him not to leave, but he's like - he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. I dont have many friends but they all say I should leave, but I cant do it, and the thought of him dumping me(which he's going to do anyway) kills me. I am moving to another country now to go to uni (without him now) and I am so scared as I dont have a lot of friends anyway and I dont think i'll make any and I am so miserable and feel so weak and like a pathetic loser. And I feel its all my fault that this is happening to me.

Reply 1

Angrybanana

11

Hey,
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through it must be heartbreaking. Unfortunately there is no way you can make your boyfriend stay in the relationship if he's unhappy, out of guilt or anything else. If you did, he still wouldn't be happy and would just resent you. I understand why you're frightened of being alone again because last time you were it was a dark period of your life and your bf was your greatest source of happiness til now.
However, it's important to realise there IS life after your bf and once you stop feeling so raw you can see the positives that came out of your relationship. Did you manage to stop harming/taking drugs etc? If so PLEASE don't go back down there to cope with the split as it will be fulfilling your fear of going back to square one. See your move to another country as a chance to wipe the slate clean and become a different person if you want to. Think of all the people there who are friends (and boyfriends) waiting to be made. Why don't you think people will want to be friends with you?I'm sure you have lots you can offer as a friend, and you may be pleassantly surprised by people's reactions to you. The bottom line is now that you have no choice, you must learn to be happy without your bf. Your best chance of happiness is to break away from him (you'll only be miserable if you know he doesn't want to be with you) and find someone who does want to be with you. Good luck, pm me if you need anymore advice :smile:

Reply 2

Pseudomuse

1

Right i know it doesn't sound like it, but your boyfreind cheated on you, and if you want him back so much, what is to say he won't do it again??? you are verymuch better off with out him. he doesn't care about you, only himself.

I think you're relying on him because of your own insecurities, but there will be other guys out the who will love you, treat you right and never cheat.

you say that your freinds think you hate them because you blank them, do you think this maybe a time when you can start building bridges and makeing the freindship strong. i can't garrentee it'll make you get over your boyfreind any quicker, but you will

this is mearly one of life hurdles, i'm sure it'll all become good in the end. it usually does

Reply 3

sidi

1

Why is he not going to uni in the new country now?Is it because of the split? Surely he is ruining his opportunities if he doesn't take up his place.
Anyhow I think it will be a fresh start for you. If he's around you will be begging for him to take you back and that is never attractive. When you have started uni you will know that you have fantastic confidence to have achieve your goal.
Breaking up is always hard and so is moving to a new country but it is a fresh start, new people. Maybe it's the break you need. You'll get through this and be a much stronger person for it.

Reply 4

username47781

20

You don't need this guy who cheats, he will simply make you feel so much worse if you take him back. He might say he will not cheat but taking him back will actually make him think he can go out and cheat again.

Reply 5

Tufts

17

Phoenix

Right i know it doesn't sound like it, but your boyfreind cheated on you, and if you want him back so much, what is to say he won't do it again??? you are verymuch better off with out him. he doesn't care about you, only himself.

I think you're relying on him because of your own insecurities, but there will be other guys out the who will love you, treat you right and never cheat.

you say that your freinds think you hate them because you blank them, do you think this maybe a time when you can start building bridges and makeing the freindship strong. i can't garrentee it'll make you get over your boyfreind any quicker, but you will

this is mearly one of life hurdles, i'm sure it'll all become good in the end. it usually does

What she said ;yes;

Reply 6

jord

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through, it must be exceptionally difficult. First and foremost, don't blame yourself for the split - it isn't your fault and you have nothing to feel guilty about. It is important to remember that whilst you may blame your own personality for the split, that it simply is not the case. You have a positive personality, you're the one who wants to better yourself. That guy, quite frankly, sounds very insensitive and unintelligent - there is never a reason to cheat on someone (apart from if the partner is being abusive).

I don't need to tell you that whilst self-harm may seem very appealing at times, it isn't the way forward. Let me refer you to a quote that keeps me going when I am down.

"Our greatest glory comes not in never falling, but in getting up every time you do" - Confucius

I don't mean to be patronizing but by making this post, you're getting up. Well done for distancing yourself from him, don't worry too much about not having many friends - when you go abroad you can start afresh. There will be plenty of opportunities, and you'll make the most of them without even thinking about it. Speak to people, smile and try to say lots of uplifting words (even if you don't really feel like it). It's difficult but more than possible.

It's important for you to remind yourself that a pathetic loser and weak person doesn't seek help. You are doing. A pathetic person denies that they have problems. You are not denying anything. Let me refer you to another nice little quote:

"There are two types of people in the world, those that realize they have problems and those that don't"

You're that second type.
I wholeheartedly wish you all the best, it will come good. Keep your head up, keep your mind off any bad habits. Take up a hobby, just for the hell of it. It'll help you out. Maybe do some research about where you are going to abroad. Get yourself excited about it - you have a great deal to offer to wherever you are going, and it will offer you much too.

Should you wish to talk in confidence, or just rant on privately, feel free to PM me. Otherwise, good luck - hopefully we'll meet someday. :smile:

Jord

feeling insecure

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