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Falling in love... repeatedly.
To cut a long story short, I accidentally read some messages between my boyfriend and his ex, from the time when they were still going out. He didn't intend for me to read them, I stumbled across them in error, so I can't really be mad. Plus, he wasn't mine back then. Anyway, it's got me thinking.
I don't doubt how he feels about me now, but I know him well enough to know that the words he wrote back then were genuine. That he thinks he's in love with me now, but that he also thought he was in love with her then.
She's not his only serious ex - there are at least three others, of whom I'm aware. So he's allegedly been in love five times now, if you include his relationship with me.
We're both 22. Incuding my current relationship, in my short life so far, I've been in love twice. I think that's pretty reasonable. But to be 22, and to have fallen in love five times? Is that even possible? Oh, I fully accept that at the age of 22, you might have slept with five hundred other people, but to fall in love five times? Really?
And I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive, but generally speaking, boys mature emotionally slower than girls. Can a guy really, truly fall in love five times by the time he's 22? Or is he confusing sex with love?
I'd be interested to hear some perspectives from both genders.
I don't doubt how he feels about me now, but I know him well enough to know that the words he wrote back then were genuine. That he thinks he's in love with me now, but that he also thought he was in love with her then.
She's not his only serious ex - there are at least three others, of whom I'm aware. So he's allegedly been in love five times now, if you include his relationship with me.
We're both 22. Incuding my current relationship, in my short life so far, I've been in love twice. I think that's pretty reasonable. But to be 22, and to have fallen in love five times? Is that even possible? Oh, I fully accept that at the age of 22, you might have slept with five hundred other people, but to fall in love five times? Really?
And I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive, but generally speaking, boys mature emotionally slower than girls. Can a guy really, truly fall in love five times by the time he's 22? Or is he confusing sex with love?
I'd be interested to hear some perspectives from both genders.
Funnily enough, I'd a very similar experience happen to me, and at the time, I thought it invalidated a lot of what my partner had said to me, because I thought to myself - he's told me he didn't love them, and has only loved me, so now it's all crap.
He was actually properly mental though, so we can't really use that as a benchmark.
As for your boyfriend OP, maybe he's just a romantic? Different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't really regard this as 'true love', I think that comes after many, many years and much experience. I know that I have definitely not experienced this, I too am in my early 20s. Maybe he's insecure and needs to feel 'loved'? This could also be a possible explanation.
He was actually properly mental though, so we can't really use that as a benchmark.
As for your boyfriend OP, maybe he's just a romantic? Different strokes for different folks. I wouldn't really regard this as 'true love', I think that comes after many, many years and much experience. I know that I have definitely not experienced this, I too am in my early 20s. Maybe he's insecure and needs to feel 'loved'? This could also be a possible explanation.
I don't think falling in love twice by the time you're 22 is reasonable... but then I am a hopeless romantic and I think love, in all its beautiful aching glory comes only once.
poetic_harriyot
I don't think falling in love twice by the time you're 22 is reasonable... but then I am a hopeless romantic and I think love, in all its beautiful aching glory comes only once.
Then I take it you think falling in love FIVE TIMES is blatantly not possible?
I know I was in love with my ex. I can't relate to that love anymore, but I know I felt it once. I know I am in love right now, with my current boyfriend. But if he genuinely thinks he's been in love five times, does that mean that the love he claims to have for me right now, can't possibly be real?
I am confident that he thinks he's in love with me. But now I'm wondering if he truly understands what love is. I'm worried he's going to end up hurting me because of this, but because I do love him, I can't walk away. Frustrating!
Im a guy right and im 19 and iv been in love twice before. Even thou girls think we are not capable of that emotion yet we are. We just dont show it as much as girls do. After reading your post i think he does generally love you, and has loved the girls in the past. It doesnt matter who he has loved in the past the important thing is that he loves you at the moment. Has he done anything to you, to believe he doesnt love you and your just a extended fling? Stop having your fears because believe it or not men can fall in love at this age aswell mind.
See i can be nice lol
See i can be nice lol
Nix!
Stop talking crap. You can't help who and when you fall for someone.
You're lucky to have experienced 'love' with two people as it is. I'm 21 and I've never been in love.
You're lucky to have experienced 'love' with two people as it is. I'm 21 and I've never been in love.
There's a huge difference between falling for someone and falling in love with someone, though. You can care about someone, want them to be happy, find them attractive, all of that, without it ever developping into love.
I just find it hard to believe that love comes around that often, at such a young age. If, as you claim, you've never been in love, surely you can relate to that?
Don't you remember being at school and having a crush on someone and thinking that was the pinacle of romance? Well, it wasn't. It was a crush. And you only figured that out when you grew older.
Anonymous
To cut a long story short, I accidentally read some messages between my boyfriend and his ex, from the time when they were still going out. He didn't intend for me to read them, I stumbled across them in error, so I can't really be mad. Plus, he wasn't mine back then. Anyway, it's got me thinking.
I don't doubt how he feels about me now, but I know him well enough to know that the words he wrote back then were genuine. That he thinks he's in love with me now, but that he also thought he was in love with her then.
She's not his only serious ex - there are at least three others, of whom I'm aware. So he's allegedly been in love five times now, if you include his relationship with me.
We're both 22. Incuding my current relationship, in my short life so far, I've been in love twice. I think that's pretty reasonable. But to be 22, and to have fallen in love five times? Is that even possible? Oh, I fully accept that at the age of 22, you might have slept with five hundred other people, but to fall in love five times? Really?
And I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive, but generally speaking, boys mature emotionally slower than girls. Can a guy really, truly fall in love five times by the time he's 22? Or is he confusing sex with love?
I'd be interested to hear some perspectives from both genders.
I don't doubt how he feels about me now, but I know him well enough to know that the words he wrote back then were genuine. That he thinks he's in love with me now, but that he also thought he was in love with her then.
She's not his only serious ex - there are at least three others, of whom I'm aware. So he's allegedly been in love five times now, if you include his relationship with me.
We're both 22. Incuding my current relationship, in my short life so far, I've been in love twice. I think that's pretty reasonable. But to be 22, and to have fallen in love five times? Is that even possible? Oh, I fully accept that at the age of 22, you might have slept with five hundred other people, but to fall in love five times? Really?
And I'm genuinely not trying to be offensive, but generally speaking, boys mature emotionally slower than girls. Can a guy really, truly fall in love five times by the time he's 22? Or is he confusing sex with love?
I'd be interested to hear some perspectives from both genders.
Thanks..... you just broke my naivety-o-meter.
Seriously, read that back to yourself.
Firstly you "accidentally" read messages and then you can't "really" be angry. Of course you can't, and you might convince yourself it was an accident, but it's not going to fool many others.
As for the love issue... well people change and their feelings change. Why is twice acceptable but five times not? It is possible to think one is in love and with hindsight realise one cannot have been, or simply to realise one is no longer in love. You learn from these experiences. And what exactly is love that you seem to have defined so specifically?
You're lucky to have experienced 'love' with two people as it is. I'm 21 and I've never been in love.
aww bless, It can be looked at as a good thing cos it means you have never properly been hurt before either, iv been in love once and when it ended (ouch) it hurt. But thats life.
The person who reckons he has been in love like 5 times by the age off 22, i doubt it, but its not impossible.
aww bless, It can be looked at as a good thing cos it means you have never properly been hurt before either, iv been in love once and when it ended (ouch) it hurt. But thats life.
The person who reckons he has been in love like 5 times by the age off 22, i doubt it, but its not impossible.
Anonymous
I know I was in love with my ex. I can't relate to that love anymore, but I know I felt it once. I know I am in love right now, with my current boyfriend. But if he genuinely thinks he's been in love five times, does that mean that the love he claims to have for me right now, can't possibly be real?
Of course it can be real! Just like you said, he probably knows he was in love back then with his exes but can't relate to it now, just like you with your ex, although he has a couple more. Maybe he said he loved some of the other girls but didn't really know what love was back then? Has he actually said that he was definitely in love with all of them?
englishstudent
Thanks..... you just broke my naivety-o-meter.
Seriously, read that back to yourself.
Firstly you "accidentally" read messages and then you can't "really" be angry. Of course you can't, and you might convince yourself it was an accident, but it's not going to fool many others.
As for the love issue... well people change and their feelings change. Why is twice acceptable but five times not? It is possible to think one is in love and with hindsight realise one cannot have been, or simply to realise one is no longer in love. You learn from these experiences. And what exactly is love that you seem to have defined so specifically?
Seriously, read that back to yourself.
Firstly you "accidentally" read messages and then you can't "really" be angry. Of course you can't, and you might convince yourself it was an accident, but it's not going to fool many others.
As for the love issue... well people change and their feelings change. Why is twice acceptable but five times not? It is possible to think one is in love and with hindsight realise one cannot have been, or simply to realise one is no longer in love. You learn from these experiences. And what exactly is love that you seem to have defined so specifically?
It was genuinely an accident. We share the same computer, and we're both quite bad at remembering to sign out of our accounts for pretty much everything. Anyway, the fact that I read the messages isn't the real issue here. It was mildly upsetting for a brief moment, I'll admit that, but it doesn't bother me now. He wasn't with me then. In fact, I was in a relationship of my own at the time, I think. And he's read some of my messages by accident before too - it's just that he's never had the fortune to click on anything interesting. Mainly reminders from my dental practice to make an appointment for my annual check up!
The REAL issue is that it got me thinking about how many times it's possible for people to fall in love, and if it's possible to fall in love repeatedly when you're only in your early 20s. I mean, think about it. People start legally having sex at the age of 16, but doesn't mean they're capable of truly loving someone from that age. I don't doubt that it's possible, but I know that when I was only 16, I liked other boys, but I was never in love with any of them.
And maybe we are capable of falling in love from such a young age, but over and over again? I mean, on one hand, it's good that we're such resilient creatures, on the other, it's a bit upsetting to think that you can fall in and out of love so easily. Doesn't that devalue it all?
Sorry, I'm being philosophical today.
Anonymous
There's a huge difference between falling for someone and falling in love with someone, though. You can care about someone, want them to be happy, find them attractive, all of that, without it ever developping into love.
Right, firstly I gave you my age and then you proceed to patronise me like a child? Thanks. I'm pretty sure that anyone over the age of seven understands the above.
I just find it hard to believe that love comes around that often, at such a young age. If, as you claim, you've never been in love, surely you can relate to that?
There is no 'if' and no, I cannot relate because I think you're becoming too subjective on the issue. See my original post - people cannot help who and when they fall for someone. Is it not possible that he's had five serious relationships at the age of 22? If he was claiming he'd been in love 20 times, then I'd be a little more sceptical, or at least worried about his emotional attachment.
The chances are he might just be too foolhardy with his emotions. That doesn't mean what he feels for you is any less sincere and for you to assume so is nothing short of disrespectful. The fact he's been in 'love' so often is his problem, not yours because he is the one who will end up getting hurt time and time again.
The only other explaination I can offer is that he's confused, and I'm assuming this is your line of thought - between strong feelings and actual love. This is unknown territory for myself as I've never experienced the latter and thus am unable to differentiate. The solution here is to stop making a fuss. Strong feelings are not any less valid, why does it have to be love just yet? Love will develop on its own accord and when that does happen he will know the difference.
Don't you remember being at school and having a crush on someone and thinking that was the pinacle of romance? Well, it wasn't. It was a crush. And you only figured that out when you grew older.
I remember having a crush on someone for all of five minutes, yes. However, at 14 and at 17 I was quite aware they were nothing more then a simple crush. I knew this at the time, so your assumption is moot.
It is entirely possible for someone to be in love X amount of times. You cannot help it. I developed strong feelings for someone I saw for a little while, that wasn't love though - but there is a difference from a benign crush as I generally cared about the person. I'm generally annoyed at myself due to the short time it actually took. Does that make my feelings any less real?
The one thing that does confuse me though, is I don't understand how your boyfriend is able to 'love' so often in the sense that "once bitten twice shy". Every time I've been hurt it's made me more bitter and cynical.
I'm actually in doubt if I'm ever going to allow myself to care for someone again because for the time being, I just don't believe it's worth it.
heppelstone16
aww bless, It can be looked at as a good thing cos it means you have never properly been hurt before either, iv been in love once and when it ended (ouch) it hurt. But thats life.
The person who reckons he has been in love like 5 times by the age off 22, i doubt it, but its not impossible.
aww bless, It can be looked at as a good thing cos it means you have never properly been hurt before either, iv been in love once and when it ended (ouch) it hurt. But thats life.
The person who reckons he has been in love like 5 times by the age off 22, i doubt it, but its not impossible.
Nope, I have been hurt too.
I agree with your last statement entirely.
Nix!
Right, firstly I gave you my age and then you proceed to patronise me like a child? Thanks. I'm pretty sure that anyone over the age of seven understands the above.
I'm sorry if you felt that I was patronising you. It really wasn't my intention.
Nix!
Is it not possible that he's had five serious relationships at the age of 22?
I don't know anyone else who has. That's what makes me skeptical.
Nix!
The one thing that does confuse me though, is I don't understand how your boyfriend is able to 'love' so often in the sense that "once bitten twice shy". Every time I've been hurt it's made me more bitter and cynical.
I'm actually in doubt if I'm ever going to allow myself to care for someone again because for the time being, I just don't believe it's worth it.
I'm actually in doubt if I'm ever going to allow myself to care for someone again because for the time being, I just don't believe it's worth it.
And that's why I'm skeptical. Two of my closest friends in the world are boys. They're both my age, and they've both been in love once each. Both left a bit bitter after those experiences. They've dated several people before and after those two great loves, but they haven't fallen in love since. They just haven't reached that place again. Like you've found, it's difficult letting yourself fall in love again, after being hurt.
Nix!
The only other explaination I can offer is that he's confused, and I'm assuming this is your line of thought - between strong feelings and actual love. This is unknown territory for myself as I've never experienced the latter and thus am unable to differentiate. The solution here is to stop making a fuss. Strong feelings are not any less valid, why does it have to be love just yet? Love will develop on its own accord and when that does happen he will know the difference.
Why does it have to be love? Well, he says he loves me. I know I love him. I know I want nothing more in the world than to make things work with him. He told me the other night that he wanted to spend his life with me. It matters, because something like that could potentially be quite serious. Or not, if he doesn't actually know what love is.
It's entirely stupid, because on one hand, he's told me exactly where we stand, but on the other, I don't know if I should believe it.
Anonymous
Like you've found, it's difficult letting yourself fall in love again, after being hurt.
I've cared for someone and I've been hurt. I've not loved anyone nor have I been lucky enough to have someone care for me on the same level. Unforunately, the same lessons have still be learnt.
It's entirely stupid, because on one hand, he's told me exactly where we stand, but on the other, I don't know if I should believe it.
Then stop fretting about it. Like I've said - even if it isn't love just yet, that doesn't mean what he feels holds any less validity. I can't understand, so feel free to explain it to me - what is the difference between really caring for someone and love? What is it about being in love that suddenly changes things?
The only thing I can assume is that it becomes more intense, but again - why are you worried if it isn't love yet? He clearly does care about you and that's all that really matters.
Anonymous
She's not his only serious ex - there are at least three others, of whom I'm aware. So he's allegedly been in love five times now
LOL !
Sounds like he has fallen in lust several times.
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