A Difficult Situation...

Quite complex; but I'll try and keep it short.

Started seeing a guy in mid' Jan, which was going really well and he did everything to make me think he wanted a relationship. This all changed on Valentine's Day. He put a card and a rose through my door; and we made plans to do something that night. And then I didn't hear from him. I saw him a week later and he explained that his ex girlfriend had contacted him the night before Valentine's Day telling him she still had feelings for him; about which he told me he still thought he felt the same about her. He seemed rather upset about it all and said that it was a difficult decision as he liked me to.

I told him that he should just do what made him happy and he decided to give it another go with his 'ex. Now, if you don't use Facebook, i'm not sure as to whether the rest of this will make sense, but i'll give it a go. He sent me a message telling me that he wanted to still keep in touch as he "wans really starting to like you, I think we got on well, but I don't want to jeopardise that by messing you around now". A week or so later I bumped into him at the gym, and he 'poked' me on Facebook. He then sent me a message informing me that he "still had my t-shirt" (he was referring to a t-shirt that I left at his house that he was going to return to me). During this time, I met a guy in a bar who happened to be a friend of his. After seeing his name added to my Facebook, he sent me a message asking me how I knew him, and where I'd met him etc. He sent me a message on my birthday and appeared to be beating-about the bush, so to speak, so a couple of days later, I invited him round.

When he arrived, he informed me, in his own words, that he was "100% single" although for somereason we didnt talk about the reasons for this.
The next day the Easter holidays started, so I didn't see him for two weeks.

On Friday, he invited me to a bbq at his house. Lots of his friends were there and I was introduced to all of them; many of which seemed to know about me, and i'd obviously previously met his housemates. However, that night, he asked me where I thought our relationship was going. I was completely stunned by his reaction, when he told me that he isn't "ready to commit" but "who knows how I'll fee in three months or whatever". He told me that he didn't want to stop seeing me, so I said, and I'm sorry to sound crude, that basically, he was after some kind of 'sex buddy'. I accept that he obviously wants the option of going into any bar and taking a randomer home, to which he said "i'm not interested in doing that, no-one wants the town bike", and commented that that was something he liked about me (the fact that I dont do that kind of thing). He got quite offended and said: "I don't want that because I don't think we could both stay detached". However, despite completely contradicting himself, he also, after I had asked If he slept with anyone since we last saw each other, admitted to having kissed two girls while he was away abroad over Easter. When I raised the option of leaving it alltogether, he didn't want that and said: "If you do just want to leave it, still keep in contact with me (as a friend)". I stayed that night and we didn't sleep toghether. The next morning he commented: "see we don't have to sleep together to have a nice evening". He insisted that we have breakfast and then I went home.

On Sunday my friends were messing around with my Facebook (which I'd left on foolishly!) and poked random people. Sounds spiteful, and somewhat childish, but we've gotten into the habit of doing this ever since one of the housemates did it to another; we don't take it personally, it's just highly embarrassing when it happens to you! Anyway, by sheer misfortune, they managed to poke one of his friends: and he messaged me asking: "why did you poke x? How's things?". I explained the situation. However, last night, I texted him asking what he was doing. He replied saying that he was at Uni with the rugby team, how are you etc. And squeezed in at the end: "'x' says you love him...". He didn't mean it nastily but he obviously wouldn't drop it, and i'm sure the boy wouldn't STILL be going on about some girl that poked him after he heard the story.

I'm so so sorrry for the length of this. Really quite confused about the whole situation, and would love to know what you'd do in my position. Also, and I hate to ask, has anyone ever had a 'no-commitment' relationship, and if so, what happened.

Thanks again x

Reply 1

kimberley1987

have you ever thought that he may be hinting at a relationship? Why would he say that he thinks he'll get attached if you have a sex-only relationship, yet this is what he is basically saying what he wants.

Also, he is jealous about those other guys on Facebook. He doesn't want you seeing other people. Of course he likes the fact you dont sleep around.. The fact that you get male attntion in addition to this factor is obviously irritating to him. Might be an idea to mention the fact that he tends to bang on a bit about others guys, cos he is really. Unless he chooses to cimmit to you, its none of his business

Reply 2

Welshdude

i had a non commitment relationship, but i fell in love with her, it hurt me quite alot when she was seeing someone else. You may think its ok now but you wait untill you start having feelings for this guy it gets hard. Does that help?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Welshdude

i had a non commitment relationship, but i fell in love with her, it hurt me quite alot when she was seeing someone else. You may think its ok now but you wait untill you start having feelings for this guy it gets hard. Does that help?

Sorry you had that experience. If you don't mind me asking, how did you come about reaching that agreement; who suggested that you have that kind of relationship?

Thank you for your post

Reply 4

Welshdude

Anonymous

Sorry you had that experience. If you don't mind me asking, how did you come about reaching that agreement; who suggested that you have that kind of relationship?

Thank you for your post

No problem. I think it was a mutual decision. We had known each other for quite some years, and didnt want any real commitment. But as time got on i started to fall fer her big time and it was playing on my mind all the time. The i found out she was seeing some other guy aswell, im a guy so didnt really show it but it broke my heart, i was so hurt. I would never have one of those relationships ever again and dont advise it on anyone. I still think deep down i do have feelings for her. When i told her how i felt she said i knew this would happen, i dont like you same way and she said goodbye and i have never spoke to her since.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you for your replies. My problem lies with the fact that he was quite honest with the whole 'getting back with his ex' thing. We go to differebt uni's in the same town, so he could have quite easily carried on seeing me behind everyone's backs. The fact that while he was with her, he told me that they still had big issues with each other, and kept reinforcing that he ''didnt want to jeorpardise what he had by messing me around'' rather confuses me. Although we didnt have much contact while they were 'together', he did this, i suppose, by means of an explanation as to why we couldn't see each other. So now I'm wondering why, after going to all that trouble to be decent, he's suddenly done this. Surely a guy wouldnt go to all that trouble for a mere 'sex-only' relationship?!

Soo baffled

A Difficult Situation...

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