The Student Room Group

A big fat rant (/dose of self-pity)

I don't know really what I'm expecting out of this, but I'd prefer it if I didn't get any "it's your own silly fault" comments. I'm just in a really horrible stage in my life and feel like I have absolutely nobody to talk to so I thought I'd get it all out on here instead.

I split up with my long term boyfriend over the summer. I was moving away, and he just lost all interest in me. It was really horrible and I was heartbroken, and it made moving away 100 times worse. Just before I left, I got in contact with this guy I'd known from school, and had a huge crush on when I was much younger. We got on so well and before I knew it he'd come to visit me...and then we ended up getting togther. Everything was perfect, although looking back it was way way too soon as I wasn't over my ex yet. Anyway, a couple of months later I went back to where I used to live and my ex was there. He was so lovely to me, he just said how incredibly sorry he was, how amazing I was, how miserable he was without me, how he'd made such a stupid mistake. We ended up kissing. It would have been my perfect chance to tell him where to go, but I was still not quite over him and I just fell for him all over again.

The next day I felt so guilty that I ended up breaking things off with the new guy. He was so hurt and upset when I told him what happened that I still cringe now when I think of how mean it was. I didn't get back with my ex, but we started talking again and he was just lovely, exactly how he had been when we were together. I still had feelings for the guy from school and we were still friends - it was just kind of confusing.

Anyway, I was falling for my ex more and more, but then he started at a new uni to do a postgrad course and just started becoming more and more distant. Every time I said I was having doubts about us getting back together he would reassure me, though. One time I went to visit him and ended up telling him I loved him. The next day we had a massive argument and he said that actually, he wasn't that sure if he cared about me enough to get back together after all.

So my ex and I aren't getting back together, despite everything he said and everything I gave up for him. I've stayed in contact with the other guy and we've talked about getting back together, but a few days ago I sent him an email saying I didn't see how it would work after what's happened. He replied saying he completely understood and saying he hoped I was ok. I've just realised that I've lost this amazing guy for my horrible ex, and I feel like my ex has won, twice. I feel like the biggest fool ever.

And yes, I also feel like I don't have a single friend to talk to. Being away has made me realise that the friends I had at home weren't real friends after all. I know lots of people here, but I'm leaving in a couple of months and these people are from all over the world, so I can't see how I'll make any lasting close friendships. I'm sure there are things I should be happy about, but right now I just keep crying and wishing I could turn back the clock. If you've got this far, thanks very much for reading.
Reply 1
I understand where you're coming from ,and the dominant feeling of loss and lassitude. But from your description of the guy who had a crush on you from school, he sounds real genuine and understanding. Have you considered having a deep conversation with him about everything that's happened and how you really feel now about him and the mistake you did? I'm sure he'll understand and support you, and might also be willing to reconcile, if that's what you want.
Reply 2
I know u said not to say this but some of it is your own fault, but I think its just that you were in a vunerable situation. You clearly needed time to have gotten over your ex, and I think that you still do need time. Try and clear your head and enjoy being single for a while. Enjoy time with friends and family while then, and keep yourself occupied. Eventually, you'll get over your ex (who sounds like a complete idiot) and then you can move on into a new relationship. I wish you all the best.
Reply 3
Thank you both for replying, I wasn't sure if anybody would! I know the best thing to do is simply to forget about the ex (the first one), but you're kind of right in that I'm not entirely over him. It's crazy, because I KNOW he's an idiot, and I know he's hurt me, but I still can't get him out of my head...

As for the guy from school, he's so lovely and when we were together it was awesome and I was really happy (which makes it kind of ridiculous that I ended it with him because of my stupid ex). But I just think once a relationship has been ruined it's a bad idea to start again. We'll always have this hanging over us, and the fact that I let my ex ruin things once will mean that I think the new guy will always have trouble trusting me. So that's why I told him we can't get back together.

I have a question - the new guy was supposed to come visit, in three weeks. We've decided that we won't get back together, is it too soon to see him as friends? I still have a lot of feelings for him. He said he's fine with it either way...
Reply 4
see him :smile:! i like the 'new guy', sure there's no way you could give it another go?
Reply 5
ph9
see him :smile:! i like the 'new guy', sure there's no way you could give it another go?


i have similar views, but look deep within you, because only you can decide whether you'll be comfortable being around him without springing up those emotions... It's a tricky thing, and sometimes only experience can reassure you, so i would say see him :smile: but give it some thought first