The Student Room Group

My teacher is being weird...

So my teacher always stares at me every time I see him, this has been going on for 5 years. When I am in his lesson I catch him staring at me and then he blushes and looks away. He makes me feel so uncomfortable and I feel like I can't breathe around him! It worries me that he stares so much and does not even look away. I know that he only stares and is really nice to me; he never does this to other girls.

Obviously I know that teacher-student relationships are illegal, but I think I have feelings for him. I want to know how to get over these quickly because I cannot stop thinking about him. And I don't want anything to happen! Do you think I should talk to him?
Just ignore the feelings, however hard that may be because acting on them can ruin his life as well as yours.
Reply 2
Avoid him, if possible transfer to another teacher
Reply 3
Original post by Plantagenet Crown
Just ignore the feelings, however hard that may be because acting on them can ruin his life as well as yours.


Thank you, but I find it so hard. He stares at me so much it is unnatural...
Reply 4
Original post by Anon593
Avoid him, if possible transfer to another teacher


Unfortunately I can't, because he is the only teacher who teaches that subject!
Working as a member of staff at another school i would recommend you bring it up with another professional, possibly someone above him or someone you trust and discuss it with your parents. Even if he has feelings and isn't acting on them, it still is not a professional or responsible thing to be doing, especially if that member of staff is making you feel uncomfortable.

I must admit even me, a working member of staff at a secondary school, is unsure of what step you should take next. Usually it's us that are warned what to do if students become infatuated with us, but we haven't been quite informed from what to tell a student to do if they have such a complaint, probably to put it under a safeguarding statement.

You should and speak to another member of staff or your parents about what you should do and describe the situation as detailed and truthful as possible so there are no misunderstandings.

It's unhealthy for you to be distracted by this man as your brain is still developing meaning boys and girls of your age are highly impressionable, it's another reason why staff are not-allowed to voice their political opinions as well. Overall it's highly distasteful as well as unprofessional for him to have his head swayed by you and therefore he has driven you to the point where you feel that you cannot breath around him.

I hope my post hasn't sounded too alarmist, if it does then feel free to reply and i'll apologise uncoditionally, i just want to make it very clear that this situation shouldn't be allowed to continue, especially by him.
Best regards to you and a happy new year.
FH
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 6
Original post by GreatApesLearn
Working as a member of staff at another school i would recommend you bring it up with another professional, possibly someone above him or something you trust and discuss it with your parents. Even if he has feelings and isn't acting on them, it still is not a professional or responsible thing to be doing, especially if that member of staff is making you feel uncomfortable.

I must admit even me, a working member of staff at a secondary school, is unsure of what step you should take next. Usually it's us that are warned what to do if students become infatuated with us, but we haven't been quite informed from what to tell a student to do if they have such a complaint, probably to put it under a safeguarding statement.

You should and speak to another member of staff or your parents about what you should do and describe the situation as detailed and truthful as possible so there are no misunderstandings.

It's unhealthy for you to be distracted by this man as your brain is still developing meaning boys and girls of your age are highly impressionable, it's another reason why staff are not-allowed to voice their political opinions as well. Overall it's highly distasteful as well as unprofessional for him to have his head swayed by you and therefore he has driven you to the point where you feel that you cannot breath around him.

I hope my post hasn't sounded too alarmist, if it does then feel free to reply and i'll apologise uncoditionally, i just want to make it very clear that this situation shouldn't be allowed to continue, especially by him.
Best regards to you and a happy new year.
FH


Thank you for your advice, it is very helpful! Happy new year to you too!
@GreatApesLearn have you ever felt attraction towards a pupil you have worked with? Just curious
Original post by cbreef
@GreatApesLearn have you ever felt attraction towards a pupil you have worked with? Just curious


I started working at my job as an LSA, at the age of 18, the weirdist thing for me was having to delete friends who were still students off of facebook. Sixthformers i could keep, but lower school kids (less than 17 yrs of age) had to go.

In regards to sexual attraction then i would say no, however one has to be very careful especially as a young male in such a profession, some of the students can try really hard to either make you feel uncomfortable (e.g one of them goes down the corridor calling me 'babe' something i have spoken to them multiple times about, a few days of ISU should see the end of that!) or some of them end up getting infatuated with you. Both situations have to be handled with extreme care and delicateness.

If you just reply like a blunt instrument then you look like a thoughtless brute and can end up: A destroying the working-relationship with that student totally. OR B: Damaging their view of men/teachers in general due to their experience with you.

However if you act too slow then it can look like you're facilitating the infatuation. Luckily the closest i've come to a student being infatuated with me is an attempt to add me on facebook, Easily dealt with!

I think one of the main reasons that i want to be as asexual as possible when it comes to my job role is A: so that people can trust me when they want to discuss issues and B: Lots of the girls in my year had negative experiences with some rather 'pervy' male members of staff, i am a bit of an idealist and want to restore peoples faith in the profession.

Have sometimes gone one joke too far and overstepped at being too chilled out? Yes i have and i aim not to in the future!

Do i allow infatuations to fester and grow into obsessions? Hell no!

I hope this helped and didn't come across as too self-righteous haha, i imagine for others it would be more difficult, but for an avid video-gamer like me i have more important things to worry about such as the next Witcher 3 DLC!
Best regards and a happy 2016
FH
(edited 8 years ago)
Reply 9
Original post by GreatApesLearn
Working as a member of staff at another school i would recommend you bring it up with another professional, possibly someone above him or someone you trust and discuss it with your parents. Even if he has feelings and isn't acting on them, it still is not a professional or responsible thing to be doing, especially if that member of staff is making you feel uncomfortable.

I must admit even me, a working member of staff at a secondary school, is unsure of what step you should take next. Usually it's us that are warned what to do if students become infatuated with us, but we haven't been quite informed from what to tell a student to do if they have such a complaint, probably to put it under a safeguarding statement.

You should and speak to another member of staff or your parents about what you should do and describe the situation as detailed and truthful as possible so there are no misunderstandings.

It's unhealthy for you to be distracted by this man as your brain is still developing meaning boys and girls of your age are highly impressionable, it's another reason why staff are not-allowed to voice their political opinions as well. Overall it's highly distasteful as well as unprofessional for him to have his head swayed by you and therefore he has driven you to the point where you feel that you cannot breath around him.

I hope my post hasn't sounded too alarmist, if it does then feel free to reply and i'll apologise uncoditionally, i just want to make it very clear that this situation shouldn't be allowed to continue, especially by him.
Best regards to you and a happy new year.
FH


Hello again! Do you think I should talk to my teacher about this and why he does it?
Yet to play the witcher 3, not sure if it's up my street. I can't really take the themes seriously. Wish I wasn't so narrow minded when it comes to the games I buy
Original post by Anonymous
Hello again! Do you think I should talk to my teacher about this and why he does it?


Hello,

To be honest i'm not sure if talking to the teacher directly about it is the best course of action for a few reasons:

A. If you admit the feelings you have for him and if he is the same then he might attempt to discourage you from ending it and instead attempt the opposite. This might sound unlikely now but you'd be suprised with how persuasive someone in when they're present in the room.
B: if you tell him and he panics then he might report it and say it's a one-sided thing, with him feeling nothing towards you. This wouldn't result in a punishment, but probably one of those 'talks' they tend to do.
C. Finally and least importantly, if someone overheard the conversation and took it wrong then it could end his career.

My advice is to talk to your parents about it, just be honest and explain how there's a teacher at school that you like, or how he seems to be glancing at you a little bit too often.

Also if you have any friends in that class speak to them about if he is giving them much attention too, but most importantly speak to your parents. As they are there to protect you and can offer you far more useful advice than i can on the internet.

Your parents are the best bet though, know you, the school and probably a lil' bit about the teacher if he's been there for five years, so they can bring it up discreetly and try to invesitgate if there has been a proper breach of safeguarding or if he needs a stern remember that he's there to educate your class and not for anything else.

I hope this helped, quick question though, before we accuse him of anything, he doesn't have any reason to have his attention often directed at you does he? (E.g talking to students whilst teaching or using phone in class) Don't worry i don't judge, as a student i was just as bad, just worth checking that he has no justifiable reason first, and if he doesn't then tell your parents.

Hope this helped, sorry for the mega post, best regards!
FH
Original post by GreatApesLearn
Hello,

To be honest i'm not sure if talking to the teacher directly about it is the best course of action for a few reasons:

A. If you admit the feelings you have for him and if he is the same then he might attempt to discourage you from ending it and instead attempt the opposite. This might sound unlikely now but you'd be suprised with how persuasive someone in when they're present in the room.
B: if you tell him and he panics then he might report it and say it's a one-sided thing, with him feeling nothing towards you. This wouldn't result in a punishment, but probably one of those 'talks' they tend to do.
C. Finally and least importantly, if someone overheard the conversation and took it wrong then it could end his career.

My advice is to talk to your parents about it, just be honest and explain how there's a teacher at school that you like, or how he seems to be glancing at you a little bit too often.

Also if you have any friends in that class speak to them about if he is giving them much attention too, but most importantly speak to your parents. As they are there to protect you and can offer you far more useful advice than i can on the internet.

Your parents are the best bet though, know you, the school and probably a lil' bit about the teacher if he's been there for five years, so they can bring it up discreetly and try to invesitgate if there has been a proper breach of safeguarding or if he needs a stern remember that he's there to educate your class and not for anything else.

I hope this helped, quick question though, before we accuse him of anything, he doesn't have any reason to have his attention often directed at you does he? (E.g talking to students whilst teaching or using phone in class) Don't worry i don't judge, as a student i was just as bad, just worth checking that he has no justifiable reason first, and if he doesn't then tell your parents.

Hope this helped, sorry for the mega post, best regards!
FH


No I do not misbehave or anything to draw his attention. He just always stares at me, whether I am walking down the corridor past him, or when I am in his class, basically any time that I see him.
Again, thank you very much for your helpful reply. I will take your advice and talk to my parents.:biggrin:
Original post by Anonymous
So my teacher always stares at me every time I see him, this has been going on for 5 years. When I am in his lesson I catch him staring at me and then he blushes and looks away. He makes me feel so uncomfortable and I feel like I can't breathe around him! It worries me that he stares so much and does not even look away. I know that he only stares and is really nice to me; he never does this to other girls.

Obviously I know that teacher-student relationships are illegal, but I think I have feelings for him. I want to know how to get over these quickly because I cannot stop thinking about him. And I don't want anything to happen! Do you think I should talk to him?


Okay chill. Don't talk to him about it. Next time you catch him staring just scowl or something. Chances are you have a teacher crush and are just paranoid. Don't worry, everyone has one at some point in their life. Just flirt with other guys around you or daydream about what it would be like if you married your favourite celeb. Focus really hard on your work and don't let him distract you.
dunt worry
(edited 8 years ago)
A teacher in my school has now married and had a kid with a past RE student. These things do happen even though they are forbidden. If you're unhappy I'd speak to someone about it. Just wouldn't want to end his career over something that is nothing...

Latest

Trending

Trending