The Student Room Group

Should I be upset? Because I'm miserable (prom problems...)

I would REALLY appreciate people's opinions on the following scenario. I'm devastated and its made me cry several times. I just feel like everyone is so mean! Please let me know what you think. I changed the names for privacy:

Two of my friends, Maya and Lily, and I decided that we would go to prom (dance for upper-classman, pretty big deal in American high schools) together if we didn't find dates. Because there are very few eligible guys at my school, we went on a rampant search for men outside of our town so we would all have someone to go with. I asked George, one of our mutual friends from a different school, if he knew anyone who I could meet who might be interested in going. He said he'd introduce me to his friend Eric. I was giddy and excited to meet Eric so I told Maya and Lily about him, and they seemed happy for me. I was very careful to always be on the lookout for someone for them. George introduced me to Eric but we didn't really get a chance to talk so he said he'd call me again so we could meet in a different situation. He never called, but I still thought there was a chance that he would. I kept Maya and Lily up to date on everything because I thought we were working together on this.

Later, I found out from various people that Maya was going to the prom with George at his school, which happened to be on the same night as ours. I was upset that she abandoned Lily and I since we had promised eachother to go together or all with dates. I noticed that Maya started to act strange around me. I told her that I couldn't wait to meet Eric again and I was going to call George to see if he could speed up the process of getting us together again, but she just acted strange and changed the subject.

Yesterday I found out from an outside source that Maya is in fact going to the prom with Eric. She was lying about going to George. I'm so upset because I thought he was kind of reserved for me. But what I'm really disturbed by is the fact that Maya never said ANYTHING to me. She not only abandoned our promise, but she stole what I thought might be my date. I would have called her to see if it was OK with her if I had been in the same situation, especially because we had talked SO much about this together. In school today she ignored me. Distraught and hurt, I called Lily to tell her about it. She didn't seem too bothered by Maya's actions, saying "She probably just didn't know how to tell you." She also proceeded to tell me that she's had herself a prom date for two weeks now. So I'm left feeling screwed and manipulated and dateless.

I just don't understand how people can be so conniving and mean. I took our promise very seriously and would never have considered breaking it. I'm not that bothered about going to the prom, although it would be fun, but I am very, very upset and confused by my "friends" actions. I feel very betrayed. Another thing that added to my feelings is that the EXACT same thing happened to me last year but with two different friends. I'm really a nice person and I just understand people sometimes!

Do you think I'm overreacting or is it understandable that I feel so hurt?
Reply 1
Wow what a biatch.
Reply 2
Well, they promised you'd all go together if you didn't find dates. They both did, so I don't think they broke a promise. BUT they were both totally disregarding of your feelings, Maya more so than Lily. Is talking to one of your friends about such a situation so difficult?
I've kinda been in Maya's situation a few times, where a friend of mine raves on about a guy, and he seems interested, but then we end up having a 'spark' when we meet. And it's difficult to face your friend, because you don't want to grovel, because you really haven't done anything wrong, but at the same time don't want to pretend that her feelings mean nothing. I don't think she stole your prom date. He asked her, and it wasn't as though he promised to go with you. BUT I do think she should have told you first, and at least tried to make it up to you by trying to find another one of George's friends to go with you etc. And Lily should have mentioned that she couldn't go with you because she had a date, as you had made arrangements.
But you should go! I'll bet you already have a dress, and surely there are other single girls that you could go with? Or else ask a friend/go on a manhunt. Don't let two selfish girls ruin your fun! :smile:
And, yes, it's understandable that you feel hurt.
Reply 3
Thank you *Katie*! That validates my feelings. I still don't really want to go but I'll think about it...My problem now is that I don't know how to act around them. I just want to cut off all relations with Maya, because she has done similar things before and I don't want to waste energy on someone like that. I want to eventually work things out with Lily, because we're very good friends, but how should I act around them NOW? This is ridiculous, I feel like I'm in middle school haha but thanks for the replies!
Reply 4
Is it too late for you to find another date?
Wow, sounds like American high schools really are as awful and bitchy as they seem in the movies :p: I would turn up with someone much hotter than their dates, source all your male friends/brothers til you find someone. This Maya girl doesn't deserve to be called a friend of yours, so good for you if you do sever all ties with her. Hope things work out for you. Reading your post made me glad I'm no longer at school :rolleyes:
Reply 6
Haha you're right... just like the movies. So, my - NOT hot - but very friendly and well-liked guy friend asked me to the prom. So maybe I'll go with him.

One of my friends overheard Maya and Lily talking today and apparently Lily told Maya that I was upset, and Maya now "feels horrible about it." Please. She should have talked to me earlier. If she comes and apologizes to me what should I do? I just can't forgive her...
Reply 7
that is pretty bitchy. from a guys perspectie we usually be prety honest with each other so for me its super bitchy but then did ou pressure her at all, because maybe she was desperate for a date? all in all she is a bit of a bitch but i wouldnt write her off as a friend if she proves to be nice. but then again i am pretty tolerant with my friends. dont know if u have the ame tolerance.
Reply 8
Yes, you do have the right to be upset. Unfortunately girls who are supposedly the best of friends do things like this to each other on a daily basis all around the world. I know I've had things like this done to me (not at our prom-that was really good), but you know, just when you feel that your friends have shown a total lack of consideration for your feelings! I'd be a hypocrite if I said that I'd never acted in this way, though. :s-smilie:
Reply 9
i think maya was really mean to do that when she knew that you liked the guy. when i met my now-fiance my best friend was crazy about him. i really thought he was gorgeous, and knew he liked me, but i wouldnt touch him until she had gotten over the crush and said that she was fine about us being together. i dont think that maya shouldnt have said she would go with him without seeing how you felt about it first. i dont think that a guy you hardly know is worth losing a friend over.
good luck and enjoy your prom!
xXx
Reply 10
tell her to make it up to you. If she is a true friend she'll apologise face to face with you. I had a mate who slept with my ex gf like a day after we broke up, i was pissed off. Technically i shouldn't have been, but there are unwritten rules. He told me to my face and said i could do what i wanted to him cos he knew he had betrayed the code. The fact he came up to me and told me shows courage, thats what true friends are like. I was angry but forgave him after a few hours lol, stayin angry at someone is a lot of effort! and remember, there's a reason why you became friends in the first place

or solve it in a mud wrestling ring, i'd be honoured to referee!
Reply 11
Maya called and apologized and said she felt really bad. I kind of started crying a bit on the phone...told her she should have said something sooner and she said she realizes that. We were awkward around eachother in class the next day and didn't talk...oh well, I don't think things will ever fully heal between us, but I'm glad she called...