Want To Get Out Of This....

kimberley1987

I have a bit of a dilemma, concerning the way I live.

I currently live with six girls. Next year two are moving out; one of which is moving back home as she pays her living costs herself and the other is moving in with another house, as she feels she'll be happier there. I really got on well with this girl in particular, and she has said that if the remaining housemates had been more like me, then she'd have stayed.

I'm just not happy. I'm quite an outgoing person and like to go out, like any other twenty year old would. I didn't anticipate it happening but they don't really do this. I haven't actually been out on a weekend since we moved in in September. And when we do infrequently go out, it's to the same club. I'm feeling really down, as I feel they pick at me constantly; whether it be for not doing any Uni work or the washing up, cleaning etc. It sounds trivial, but it's really starting to get me down and I feel that they seem to have formed a 'three'.

However, I don't really have much of an option, as I've become so isolated with them. The only other option I can think of lies with another girl. She's in my course and we chat occasionlly on Facebook. I remembr a couple of weeks ago that she mentioned that there was a spare room in the house she's living in next year; as she'll be living with fifteen othes or something rediculous like that. We were sat on a table in a lesson when she mentioned it to another girl who was sat with us.

I'm not being pathetic; this is a genuine problem that is getting me down to the point where my life feels lonely. All my housemate are interested in doing is having 'dinners' with them and their boyfriends as a group, as they're all in relationships.

However, the only reason which would make it hard for me to leave is that term ends in two weeks and we've already paid 150 each deposit for our new house. In addition to this, there's one girl in this '3' that I'd be sorry to leave.

What on Earth should my course of action be? How on Earth would I go about asking the girl without looking like a total **** if that is the case?

Any advice would be hugely appreciated...

Reply 1

yenohcif

wow... it sure is a problem.. i think that, why don't you stay at the house you live now since you already paid the deposit.. in the same time you and this girl you sorry to leave try to find another place to stay for the rest of the semester..

Reply 2

kimberley1987

Thanks for the reply. That isnt an option, she's more than happy with the other two. In the meantime, I cant actually think of anything worse than coming back to uni in september.

Reply 3

sidi

Well it seems like a cut your losses time. Move on and forget the £150 or get someone else to take your room and refund you the deposit.
But why do you only go out, or in this case, not go out, with your flatmates? Don't you all have other friends? If they're all in relationships I can't think of anything worse than sharing with them if you don't go out.

Reply 4

kimberley1987

Thanks for your advice. Well, initially we were in halls and got close Moved into the house and everything was fine, it's just reached the point where we only really socialise together unless we're in a big group, although I wouldn't say I have any close firends other than those three. I think it's hard knowing that I left behind a life at home where this kind of thing didn't happen.

Reply 5

sidi

Ok so you need to 'unisolate' yourself. Move out, make new friends, renew friendships that you made in halls. Don't compare life at home. This is different, will get better and in any case is only a temporary part of your life.

Reply 6

Pink Lady

I would say pull out of the contract. However, they will be responsible for your rent as well as theirs, if they can't find a replacement.

I can empathise, having been in the same situation, but I didn't have the guts to not resign the second year, so have spent two years in the situation where they were nice, but still pretended to be 'ill' (it was so blatant- delivered in a monotone voice etc) so they didn't even have to go out on my 21st birthday. By the middle of the second term of that first year living with them I'd found a friend and her 'group' to go out with, but it'd happened naturally so for quite a while I was down because I was going out every now and then but wasn't sure if I was part of that group or not, and if not then I did'nt have a group. (I was in the end!) I did join societies that went out a lot, but everyone there went on the society nights out with some of their own friends, so I was still on my own, and people even commented, 'did you come on your own then' so I stopped going as I was not comfortable even before the comments.

Just to tell you, the worst part of this was that I could have lived with my first year hallmates, but didn't because I thought they didn't like me enough to live together (I had esteem issues then), but two months after I'd and they'd got houses, I realised otherwise, and it was too late- was signed. I really regretted it. I did like these second/third year housemates as friends but not to live with- we were incompatible, but my hallmates were ideal to live with. Having to decide houses after less than 3 months at uni didn't help as I was still settling in. I advise you not to make a decision to regret like I did.