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feeling let down by mother (long rant)
long story....basically our house is a teeny tiny 2 bedroomed house with a kitchen the size of a thimble and no garden.....really not a good place to bring up kids...
so we decided to put it on the market, and get a mortgage of about 50k or so, and get another one...
it needs some fixing up work doing to it, so we thought we'd use my student loan (money that i get from the government for being a stduent) to do it up.
anyway i told my mam about this, and she said that we could house swap, because her house is too big for her. she said i could give her the 50k that i would have taken as a mortgage, plus this house...sorted.
so anyway i asked her if she was sure and stuff, and she said yes, she wants her grandkids to have a nice house yadda yadda yadda.
anywayyyy i asked if i should do the house up with the student loan before she moves in, and she said no. she told me to give her the money and she would do it all herself.
so that was sorted, we agreed a date of 9th june to move.
anyway we've been packing like crazy getting things ready, and she's done nothing......no packing, nothing, diddly squat.
last week my student loan came through, but because she's done nothing at all in the way of preparation, she was getting me worred.
shes been saying for weeks upon weeks that she would pack and she hasnt.
so anyway, i gave her £400 as an incentive to start packing, and said i would give her the rest as soon as she did SOMETHING to show that she was committed to the move.....anything at all....even pack one box.
anyway she's still done absolutely nothing, and was demanding more money.
so i asked her what she'd done with the £400.
turns out she'd blown it on god knows what - didnt even know what she'd spent it on.
then she starts accusing me of trying to rip her off and saying that she doesnt trust me.
anyway i asked her for the money back - she said she didnt have it - we had a huge row yesterday morning it was awful.
anyway i went yesterday afternoon and she had sold a painting of hers to a next door neighbour and gave me the money back, then gave me it back all the while shouting and screaming about how im trying to swindle her.
so basically now the baby is coming in 3 months time, and all the while we've thought we were gonna be moving, so we're stuck here in this tiny house. and my mother and i arent speaking to each other
so its been a great day, not!
I've been bawling my eyes out yesterday. I just feel so let down. It's not so much about the house, but about her getting our hopes up like that, making all the promises yet just lying the whole time. I feel really betrayed.
I never asked her for the stupid house in the first place, it was her idea. If she had've said in the first place that she didn't want to house swap, I wouldn't have minded.
I guess she just wanted to get hold of my student loan. Can't believe she is saying that i'm trying to swindle her, just because I asked her to pack a box or two. Moving is a big job and she has so much stuff. It was a logical thing to ask her to do. I don't think I was being unreasonable.
Anyway I'm feeling pretty ****ty
so we decided to put it on the market, and get a mortgage of about 50k or so, and get another one...
it needs some fixing up work doing to it, so we thought we'd use my student loan (money that i get from the government for being a stduent) to do it up.
anyway i told my mam about this, and she said that we could house swap, because her house is too big for her. she said i could give her the 50k that i would have taken as a mortgage, plus this house...sorted.
so anyway i asked her if she was sure and stuff, and she said yes, she wants her grandkids to have a nice house yadda yadda yadda.
anywayyyy i asked if i should do the house up with the student loan before she moves in, and she said no. she told me to give her the money and she would do it all herself.
so that was sorted, we agreed a date of 9th june to move.
anyway we've been packing like crazy getting things ready, and she's done nothing......no packing, nothing, diddly squat.
last week my student loan came through, but because she's done nothing at all in the way of preparation, she was getting me worred.
shes been saying for weeks upon weeks that she would pack and she hasnt.
so anyway, i gave her £400 as an incentive to start packing, and said i would give her the rest as soon as she did SOMETHING to show that she was committed to the move.....anything at all....even pack one box.
anyway she's still done absolutely nothing, and was demanding more money.
so i asked her what she'd done with the £400.
turns out she'd blown it on god knows what - didnt even know what she'd spent it on.
then she starts accusing me of trying to rip her off and saying that she doesnt trust me.
anyway i asked her for the money back - she said she didnt have it - we had a huge row yesterday morning it was awful.
anyway i went yesterday afternoon and she had sold a painting of hers to a next door neighbour and gave me the money back, then gave me it back all the while shouting and screaming about how im trying to swindle her.
so basically now the baby is coming in 3 months time, and all the while we've thought we were gonna be moving, so we're stuck here in this tiny house. and my mother and i arent speaking to each other
so its been a great day, not!
I've been bawling my eyes out yesterday. I just feel so let down. It's not so much about the house, but about her getting our hopes up like that, making all the promises yet just lying the whole time. I feel really betrayed.
I never asked her for the stupid house in the first place, it was her idea. If she had've said in the first place that she didn't want to house swap, I wouldn't have minded.
I guess she just wanted to get hold of my student loan. Can't believe she is saying that i'm trying to swindle her, just because I asked her to pack a box or two. Moving is a big job and she has so much stuff. It was a logical thing to ask her to do. I don't think I was being unreasonable.
Anyway I'm feeling pretty ****ty
Scroll to see replies
yeh that's the idea - we're gonna use the money to get the repairs done ourselves, and put it on the market.
I just can't understand how my mother could string me along like that for so long. It's more the feeling let down that's bothering me, rather than the house. The house is an inconvenience, but it's the lies and stuff that gets to me.
I just can't understand how my mother could string me along like that for so long. It's more the feeling let down that's bothering me, rather than the house. The house is an inconvenience, but it's the lies and stuff that gets to me.
Im sorry about your mum
does she usually act like this? were you surprised at how she acted
does she usually act like this? were you surprised at how she acted
Well she's let me down with many things before in the past, but not usually on such a grand scale. I feel like an idiot now though for trusting her.
No she's not senile at all.....just apparently more selfish than I gave her credit for.
ETA: and she's the kind of person that never apologises for her actions and never admits if she's in the wrong...EVER. I'm thinking that's why she started telling me that I was swindling her...trying to turn it around to make me look like the bad guy. She's very good at that.
ETA: and she's the kind of person that never apologises for her actions and never admits if she's in the wrong...EVER. I'm thinking that's why she started telling me that I was swindling her...trying to turn it around to make me look like the bad guy. She's very good at that.
dont beat yourself up over it, i cant blame you for wanting to put your trust in her, shes your mum!
toth8
Why does she owe you anything? The idea of family is for losers...
1) I never said she owed me anything. We had a deal and she lied and broke her side of it. Thus I'm feeling let down and left in the lurch.
I admit I feel worse because it's my own mother who has done that to me though - I expected her to treat me with more respect than that, but I was obviously wrong.
2) The idea of family is not for losers. Don't be such a miserable sod.
- thanks kit-kat
Sarky
At least you got the money back i guess.
At least you got the money back i guess.
true - I'd have been really screwed if she'd have kept it.
ignore toth, he/she is just being a cretin! 
thanks all for the kind words and the advice - tis much appreciated.
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