The Student Room Group

Help me I´m a snob

I´m stuck-up, and it´s only now that I´ve really noticed it.
I come from an aristocratic family, where it´s normal to be this way, we don´t really like to mix with other classes, that is the way it always was, and I thought it was natural. I´ve always thought of myself as "refined" instead of snobbish, but now I´ve come to terms with it and I really want to change, ít´s hindering my social interactions, people who don´t know me think I am some sort of super-toff.

How can I change, and stop making people believe I´m such a tremendous snob ? For example, if someone uses the wrong vocabulary (for example ,settee) I can´t help myself, the social radar kicks in ! It really comes naturally to me to say and do "toffish" things, but I want to control myself !

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Reply 1
just stop it then. its not hard not to be a snob .
There's not really much you can do apart from strengthen your will and just go with the flow. Your need to be what you are possibly stems from younger pressurising expectations. Once resolving these matters, you should be better. Either that or meditate. It really does help, trust me. ;yes;

Hope you get better.

Dattebayo ;yes;
Reply 3
yes but it comes naturally, it s like an instinct ! and I really feel bad afterwards ! in addition to it , sometimes I don t even realise I m acting stuck-up or saying toffish things . How can I correct myself if I don t even know ?
Reply 4
Dattebayo
There's not really much you can do apart from strengthen your will and just go with the flow. Your need to be what you are possibly stems from younger pressurising expectations. Once resolving these matters, you should be better. Either that or meditate. It really does help, trust me. ;yes;

Hope you get better.

Dattebayo ;yes;


Your sig is so big. :frown:
Reply 5
any tips ? :frown:
Reply 6
The most class conscious people tend to be middle class people, minor gentry, fringe aristocracy and nouveaux riches. Only two sets of people really don't care about class: those who already have it and those who don't aspire to it. Plainly speaking, genuinely well-bred aristocrats, and irredeemably "working class" people. Earls and churls. I am reminded of an episode that took place between Her Majesty and Margaret Thatcher. The two were wearing similar apparel, and Mrs Thatcher commented "Ma'am, we appear to be similarly attired", to which the Queen replied, "Her Majesty does not notice what others are wearing". Methinks you dost protest too much.
Reply 7
It's possibly one of those things that will only change the more you interact with different types of people - slowly you'll start to notice the things you say that are 'snobbish' and hopefully you'll be able to watch yourself and not say them lol. If you're upsetting other people by pointing out that what they say and do is 'common', then it's no wonder that your attitude is a problem - you can't really expect people not to judge you as 'posh' if they feel that you're judging them as 'common'.

The best thing to do might be to make light of your background - sort of let it be known that yes, you're posh, but you still eat chips/pick your nose/watch trashy tv etc. As I said, as long as you're not openly criticising or judging people for being 'inferior' to you then I can't see why your background would be a huge issue ... You can think what you like but it's whether you say it, if you see what I mean.
Reply 8
oh no, I never correct them.
Reply 9
Are you British or French?
Reply 10
Both. I go to school in England and live in France the rest of the time.
I don't think you are, sometimes people get really arsey about even the smallest differences in money eg if they work at uni and you don't whatever class you come from. Try not to mention money eg for the travelling question you could have just said 'I've been to America and loved it' and not mentioned the other countries. Also, be realistic people tend to mix with people who they have most in common with why don't you just mix with your fellow posh people.
Reply 12
Indeed, I do know that I´m doing something wrong but I can rarely grasp what. And you are right, there is no 'wrong' vocabulary, this is yet another example of a stupid snobbish thing :s-smilie:

Oh, sorry about the punctuation, it s just that I was typing really quickly. Anyway, I find that not using question marks is really sexy lol
Reply 13
In my opinion, there is no need for you to be apologetic for your background and the way you have been brought up. Essentially, this isn't exactly something you could control!

If you have been brought up in affluency, and as such have been provided with opportunities such as to go travelling around the world, (as someone who is not exactly in that financial position), I would be interested in your travels and eager for you to share stories about your experiences.

Personally, I think it's bad you've been treated in this manner. Whatever someone's background is shouldn't be barrier between people who could be friends. I certainly subscribe to this view, and I'm not sure I would want to be friends with anyone else who doesn't subscribe to this view. I mean, at the end of the day, your hand is dealt, and it's up to you how you play it. Personally, I take all the opportunties I can, and if there are financial barriers to any of those, I love to learn off the people who have been able to take those opportunties.

The posts you have made don't sound snobbish to me. I would interpret someone to be a "snob" if they look down on other people, or deliberately rub their nose in it because they haven't had the same opportunities. Eg. In your second example if you friend asks "oh, where are you staying?"
(imo) a snobbish response would be:
"oh this gorgeous 5 star hotel with a pool around the corner. I've just spent the morning relaxing in my jacquousi (sp?) bath"
a perfectly acceptable response would be:
"oh, I'm staying hotel X around the corner", and if the conversation develops further, or if asked about the facilities - "yeah, it's got a pool, so nice to be able to have an early morning swim - why don't you come over and use it? I'm sure I can sign guests in..."

In terms of you wanting to change to be more "normal", try asking people about their childhood, their backgrounds, and put yourself in their shoes (and try to forget that you have knowledge of your own upbringing). Try and think about what's important to them, and how they view other people. By understanding how other people are likely to react to you, will help you to know how to respond in a way that they are more likely to accept you.

I think the trick lies in the response rather than trying to hide your background just to fit in with people. Share your experiences, and ask to share theirs.

I'll keep thinking about it, and will reply if I think of anything else that might help :smile:

Cxx
Reply 14
OH MY GOD!

it's like a dream come true! :biggrin:

:biggrin:
Reply 15
uh oh.
Reply 16
To the OP: You are French, therefore it is both normal and expected that you are snobby. IIRC you're Parisienne too, which only further compounds this case.
I don't think it is neccessary for anyone to change who they are. It is the other people who have chips on their shoulders - not you.

you need to meet people who don't give a damn about where you've come from, but WHO you are.

Sod everyone else.
Reply 18
Manon
I´m stuck-up, and it´s only now that I´ve really noticed it.
I come from an aristocratic family, where it´s normal to be this way, we don´t really like to mix with other classes, that is the way it always was, and I thought it was natural. I´ve always thought of myself as "refined" instead of snobbish, but now I´ve come to terms with it and I really want to change, ít´s hindering my social interactions, people who don´t know me think I am some sort of super-toff.

How can I change, and stop making people believe I´m such a tremendous snob ? For example, if someone uses the wrong vocabulary (for example ,settee) I can´t help myself, the social radar kicks in ! It really comes naturally to me to say and do "toffish" things, but I want to control myself !


ok, i'll be nice, everytime you catch yourself doing toff-y things just think what normal people would think right after and correct yourself, after a while you'll be "down with it".


see...i can be nice sometimes


*resists urge to say what I really think*
There's nothing wrong with being a toff. Variety is the spice of life, embrace your yar-yar culture and laugh at yourself occasionally.

As long as you're not an arse hole and still think it's 1936 it doesn't matter what you talk and act like.

My most memorable experiance with a toff was back in Cambridge when this guy complained how he couldn't get his £1/2 million piano into his room. Almost laughed myself into a heart attack. Nice guy though.