Hi guys, i'm here to look for some advice. Well, I have some family problems, which I cant seem solve for a long time and I’ve decided I should speak my mind. Because I’ve been studying so hard and ignoring everything and I think this thing is quite embarrassing even if I tell my closest friends. I would be glad if anyone can help... and here is my story but it’s really long though. Some of you might not have time for this so I would be really glad that you can help.
Firstly, the problem is mainly due to my family's lack of understanding of me. I live in a family of mom, dad, elder bro and elder sis. Basically, to summarize this, I don’t get very along with all of them and I don't know if it's my problem and I don’t know if I should hate them or not. I’ve been trying to be very mature in solving the problems but every time I try, it just discourages me in the end.
First of all I should mention my bro and sis. They’ve been treating me so badly since I was very little. I just have to say that my sis is never growing up and is always that immature. Gosh she is 21 already. Secondly, my bro doesn’t talk in the family but he is totally different outside. But every time he talks to me, he jus disses me. My sis does this as well. There had also been a lot of incidents where I jus had to ignore what they did to me. Eg. Even if they break my things, took my stuff without asking, etc, I jus had to ignore those stuff because I’m the smallest in the family which means I have little or no power over others at all.
When we grew up, things got a little better. My sis and bro stopped hitting me but our conversations aren’t getting any better. My bro still doesn’t talk to me at all but he is really nice to outsiders. My sis still disses me a lot for no reason and I jus have to ignore it. Maybe at that moment, I was still too young, around year 8, so I had nth to say because I haven’t taken any exams or anything to prove my academic performance. I was having a really bad time because my mom jus keeps on saying 'ignore them, ignore them...' so I did what she told me but memories jus keep coming back and I just cant stand it anymore. There still had been common incidents such as taking me stuff without permission but I guess the most painful thing was how they put me down and stuff, resulting me having very very little confidence. I can’t describe how worst I felt but I just had to learn to adapt to these problems so I wouldn't easily cry. It’s just too embarrassing to mention too many of those small incidents here but I would tell you guys that I’m not those type of people who desire a lot. I’ve learnt to desire very little or nothing.
For many years, the thing that I really hated the most was working inside the ‘storage room’ inside the kitchen. Due to the lack of space at home, I just had to work there and it has been so called ‘the maid’s room.’ My sis and bro had a really good laugh at it, calling me a maid and stuff but I just had to work in the room because there’s nowhere else. Especially, it gets really hot when my granny cooks in the kitchen and I just had to endure it. Eventually, I always went down to the clubhouse. I know that it seems unfair, but I’m the smallest in the family so I’ve got nothing much to say. I share a room with my brother and after I finished sleeping everyday, he just tells me to go away and lock the door. My sis has her own room and she’s just always laughing about me having a ‘maid’s room’ to work in. I personally think these things were already enough pain to me. But the thing is, my parents always say ‘have u ever felt how we lived in the 1970’s?’ But then I thought, it wouldn’t been that hot and sticky to do your homework right next to the kitchen? And even if I haven’t felt how they did because they were poor, do I really need to feel their kind of pain? They just keep on saying these things and make themselves look so good to be proud of.