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Help plz... Big family problem watch

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    Yeah I guess I should really get my job, get my $ and stay away from them forever.
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    (Original post by chocoboy)
    Yeah, but I want to know what you guys would do if you were in my situation. I just can't get rid of my sad side no matter how happy I try to pretend in front of people. Every time I argue with my parents, those memories just come back. Now I just want to know what you guys would do please. I know it's hard to decide...
    OK this is fairly familiar to me, all the, "well we knew you'd get the grades" as if you don't need to work, and the "ignore them" and "I've lived longer than you so I know more".


    OK first DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE YOURSELF. You are who you are, it's not something that you can change, it's not something you should try to change either, and trying will tear you appart and you seem like you are close to that anyway.

    Have you ever heard "you can choose your friends, not your family", it is so true. Reading your story and particularly the way it is written I think you are depressed. That's not a clinical judgement, I'm not in a position to make that but I can see you need help and although this forum may give you some support you need more than this. Have you got access to a counsellor? If you don't at the moment you will once you get to university. If your school / college doesn't have a counsellor go to your GP and tell him/her how you feel and ask to be referred to someone.

    You may find another way out of this situation but for now your best way out is through university. If you don't get chance before then, university is the place you can be yourself. You do not have to go home in the holidays if you don't want, you don't have to see your family if you don't want.

    You will make new friends but most importantly you have the chance to work out who you are and what you want to do with your life.

    You are not the first person in this situation, you won't be the last but you will survive it and I know it's a cliche but in the end you will be stronger because of it.
    Good luck.
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    Thanks for that, sashh. By the way, if I didn't try to change myself and get my grades, I wouldn't be able to change my life. I would be spoon-fed by my parents for my whole life. I don't want this to happen. That's why I want to work hard until year 13 then be myself in the university. In this way, I think I would have enough $ and enough of my own life. Working too hard right now just takes my life away but I can't care about it much right now if I want to achieve what I want. I think what matters to me is what I get in the end.
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    i hope you resolve your problem one way or another, just get your schooling done and work really hard and secure a place at higher edu
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    (Original post by DazzYaaa911)
    i hope you resolve your problem one way or another, just get your schooling done and work really hard and secure a place at higher edu
    Yeah I worked really hard this year. If I get A's I might can get very low offers from good uni's.
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    (Original post by chocoboy)
    Yeah I worked really hard this year. If I get A's I might can get very low offers from good uni's.
    from what i read about your academic performance you seem more than capable enough to get what you want
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    Should I continue being a nerd in year 13? Or should I enjoy my life instead?

    OK, well of course you should work hard, but there are two types of hard-working people. There are those people who would put work before friends, and there are those who would put friends before work. Personally, I feel that the best kind of person you can be is someone who has the self-discipline like you do, but also has time to relax and hang out with friends. Continue to work hard in year 13, but don't work too hard. As much as teachers and parents may try to pressurize you into believing that work is of major importance, it really isn't. When teachers say that teenagers need to work really hard, they are only trying to encourage those who aren't working hard at the moment to "pull their socks up" (in teacher-speak). You work hard enough. Enjoy your life as well. Work really isn't everything.
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    (Original post by glance)
    Should I continue being a nerd in year 13? Or should I enjoy my life instead?

    OK, well of course you should work hard, but there are two types of hard-working people. There are those people who would put work before friends, and there are those who would put friends before work. Personally, I feel that the best kind of person you can be is someone who has the self-discipline like you do, but also has time to relax and hang out with friends. Continue to work hard in year 13, but don't work too hard. As much as teachers and parents may try to pressurize you into believing that work is of major importance, it really isn't. When teachers say that teenagers need to work really hard, they are only trying to encourage those who aren't working hard at the moment to "pull their socks up" (in teacher-speak). You work hard enough. Enjoy your life as well. Work really isn't everything.
    Teachers and parents often think grades tell everything. Now I got my grades and they say 'People who get high grades aren't necessarily the smartest people.' So I'm like, what the hell, is this all they can say after I've been working so damn hard? They never said anything like 'Congratulations, you've worked hard enough. Enjoy yourself now...etc etc.' They just don't have any feelings for me.
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    Congratulations, you've worked hard enough. You can enjoy your life now. You deserved those grades. Really, well done.
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    (Original post by glance)
    Congratulations, you've worked hard enough. You can enjoy your life now. You deserved those grades. Really, well done.
    lol, thanks.
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    Your dad sounds like a bully. Your bro and sis may have been horrible to you because he was being horrible to them, but not in front of you. I dont think your parents would be surprised if you called social services (or whoever), your dad is a bully and he knows it. If your parents are rich why did you have to share a room with your brother and work in a cupboard? All I can suggest is that you keep your head down around your parents and study really hard, also start to go out with your friends and learn to enjoy yourself. I know it isnt easy but stop dwelling on the past. Look to the future. you are obviously very intellegent and hard working. Just work hard through year 13 then leave for university, get a really good job and when you are really sucessful stick a huge middle finger up at your family to show that you dont need them. But I cant stress how important it is to stop living in the past, I realise that it may hurt but you are the only person who is going to better you, your family arent going to help. You need to focus on your wonderful future
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    (Original post by Homegrownkitten)
    Your dad sounds like a bully. Your bro and sis may have been horrible to you because he was being horrible to them, but not in front of you. I dont think your parents would be surprised if you called social services (or whoever), your dad is a bully and he knows it. If your parents are rich why did you have to share a room with your brother and work in a cupboard? All I can suggest is that you keep your head down around your parents and study really hard, also start to go out with your friends and learn to enjoy yourself. I know it isnt easy but stop dwelling on the past. Look to the future. you are obviously very intellegent and hard working. Just work hard through year 13 then leave for university, get a really good job and when you are really sucessful stick a huge middle finger up at your family to show that you dont need them. But I cant stress how important it is to stop living in the past, I realise that it may hurt but you are the only person who is going to better you, your family arent going to help. You need to focus on your wonderful future
    Thanks very much. By the way, I don't think my dad knows that he's a bully. He just thinks he is right the way he is. No matter how immature he is and how immature other older people are, they just never realize it even when I point it out to them because I'm younger than them. They just think I should always listen to them even though I think they are wrong. But sometimes when they realize they are wrong, their faces just get really red and ignore me. Or they still don't know what's wrong with them? Just pissed at me because they have nothing to say? This is the biggest root of the problem. It is their stubborn-ness, which is never changing. Basically, they just think that they are always right because they've lived more years than I did. Hai...
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    I know this is easier said than done but basically ignore them and prove to them why they're wrong to think they're superior for being older. My sister loves insulting me, it's just what they do, i insult her back and it's nothing personal. Sorry this reply is really short and not useful, but you can cut me some slack until midnight i hope.
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    (Original post by tis_me_lord)
    I know this is easier said than done but basically ignore them and prove to them why they're wrong to think they're superior for being older. My sister loves insulting me, it's just what they do, i insult her back and it's nothing personal. Sorry this reply is really short and not useful, but you can cut me some slack until midnight i hope.
    Maybe I should live on my own, then every time they ask me to come back to visit them, I would say no until they've figured out what is wrong and talk to me about it?
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    I feel very bad for you. However your parents are expected to support you through uni and if they decide not to it can cause problems. It would be best, perhaps, to put up with it for a few months longer and receive their support - financialy - when you need it rather than risk them stopping money. If they do refuse to pay you have to prove they have disowned you before the LEA will help.
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    [QUOTE=chocoboy]
    Is being the smallest in the family that poor for everyone here?
    okay im not the youngest but sometimes they do get it the worst, i think it differs in each family as i am the eldest, there are only 2 of us, i think i get it worse off, however it can be horrible for the youngest as your older sisiters have experienced more from life and your parents often have higher expectations of u
    Is it right to get the elder people pissed, even though if they are wrong?
    im sorry i dont underdstand what u mean by "pissed" do u mean drunk or pissed off?
    Should I hate my dad, mom, sis and bro?
    hate id TOO strong a word, i wouldnt waste our time on hating them, just learn from your experiences, you have to get on with them till your 18, then u could leave or go to uni, whatever u want to do. Just be civil towards them DONT stoop to their low level
    Should I get my job, run away from my family forever and live on my own?
    No, dont do that, when your older yes, go to uni or get a job, leave home but dont lose contact as you never know what might happen, something tragic could happen and that would just be more stress and would make you more upset if is did
    Should I continue trying to convince them to my point of views?
    Well if you have tried already and they still wont listen, stop dont waste your time on it, you're entitled to your own opinions and if they think different its their problem.
    Should I ignore them from now on?
    No there is no point, you still have a while toyour 18, maybe only a few months, you dont want to make it worse for yourself.
    Should I continue changing myself?
    if this is what u want to do, u can. Only do what you think is right you are who you are rememeber, dont change yourself because of your families or other peoples pressures, do what u want to do, look after number 1.
    Should I continue being a nerd in year 13? if u enjoy being a nerd go for it. However i get the feeling you dont, yes do continue to work hard but play hard 2, thats what i do little bit of work little bit of going out and enjoying myself. that way, you can still get the grades you want and enjoy yourself.
    Or should I enjoy my life instead?
    Yes enjoy life, you only live once.

    I hope this advice helped,
    Good luck with everything
    from
    Chocolate_Lover xx
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    Thanks for your opinion. I think I know what I should do now.
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    cool ru chinese?just wondering if you came from a chinese background

    (Original post by moncal)
    A few wise sayings:

    No one can hurt you without your permision.
    This makes no sense unless you mean "hurt" in the sense of "hurt feelings".
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    (Original post by Chocolate_Lover)
    cool ru chinese?just wondering if you came from a chinese background
    Yeah I am.
 
 
 
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