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I'm 20 years old and I'm controlled by parents. (long post - vent) Watch

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    I'm a second year student and 20 years old.

    My uni is literally a 10 minute walk from my family home. The uni that I go to offers the best facilities for the course that I'm doing, therefore I never felt the need to move out on campus, waste money when i can just merely walk.

    I thought I wouldn't make friends at uni being the 'weird' kids who still lives with their parents. I was wrong. I made friends. And there were many like me. I am so happy with the friends in my life right now. My friends that I've made from uni are people who I confide in, who I laugh with, who I ***** with (lol).

    My birthday was in December when it was the holidays. Obviously, I understood that they wouldn't be able to make it down for my birthday. I spend my 20th birthday at home doing nothing. I ate a McDonalds by myself, that was nice I guess???? I was looking forward to a birthday cake but apparently I'm too old for that (according to parents).

    When it's the holiday season, things get pretty lonely for me. All my uni friends go back to their home and I'm just stuck at home with family. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with family, but not all the time. Friends from school and sixth form come home at this point, but idk, I don't feel like they're proper friends. I don't see them how I see my uni friends. Also, they're busy catching up with their family from being away from home

    My uni friends, being the darlings they are, have discussed plans with me to have a mini birthday bash. They want me to go to theirs on a Friday and chill with them for the weekend. We'd celebrate my birthday together, not in a reckless way, but just be with each other and catch up from being away from each other for over a month.

    I asked my parents if it was cool for me to hang out with them at their house and my parents flat out said 'no'. I asked why and they said:
    "you don't know what they're like. these uni kids are out there doing drugs, drinking. you don't know the pressures they will put you under. i'm sorry but no. if it was a meal, that's fine. but staying over? you are not a child, sleeping over at friends house."
    These are my friends. I would consider myself a sensible person. I pick friends carefully. My friends are not drug users. Yes, they drink, but they don't get ****faced in their own house. Their intent was just to have a girls night in and just hang out. My parents are making out like uni students living away from home are terrible people.
    I'm annoyed that they think that "sleeping over is for children". I remember when I was younger, my school friend invited me for a sleep over. My parents said no. I've never stayed over at a friends house.

    I don't know what to say to my friends. I'm going to feel so bad saying that I can't go. I don't want to tell them the reason why. They will probably think I'm a loser. Let's be real, I am. I'm a loser living at my parents house.

    I'm going to have to respect my parents decision on this matter. I am living under their house rent-free. They provide a lot for me, financially. I can't go against those wishes.

    I'm just really sad. Idk, I need a place to vent.
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    Wow, I've got to give it to you - your parents can't seem to get to grips with the fact that you're a fully grown adult and you're capable of making your own decisions even though you're temporarily living under their roof over the christmas holidays.

    Also, I do understand how it can be difficult to come up with an excuse to your friends, since now is not the time to tell them what's really going on despite them knowing that you're lonely.

    I can relate to the whole never sleeping at my friends' houses since my parents always come up with excuses like 'they might have crabs (LOL)' or 'idk what their parents are like' :nope:

    I guess the closest you can get to explaining is that your 'parents sort of don't want you to leave since you'll only be with them for a short while' and hopefully your friends will understand, and you can also slide in the 'aka. they still haven't got to grips with the fact that I'm no longer their baby :lol:'

    Happy birthday by the way, I hope you have a good one when you return to uni.
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    Realistically what will happen if you just do what you want?
    Are they the kind of parents just get pissy for while? or will they threaten to kick you out/ actually kick you out?

    If the former then just go, if the latter then start saving up so you can move out of that toxic hell hole and get some freedom as soon as possible. There is no way a 20 year old shouldn't be allowed to go to a birthday party because their parents say "no". Your parents are unreasonable and honestly quite stupid.
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    Time to move out
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    They are just concerned for your wellbeing which you should appreciate but they need to understand that it is healthy for you to get out and live your life as an adult. I would just try to reason with them as much as you can, they seem to still see you as a child so allow your actions to speak louder than words by being responsible and mature
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a second year student and 20 years old.

    My uni is literally a 10 minute walk from my family home. The uni that I go to offers the best facilities for the course that I'm doing, therefore I never felt the need to move out on campus, waste money when i can just merely walk.

    I thought I wouldn't make friends at uni being the 'weird' kids who still lives with their parents. I was wrong. I made friends. And there were many like me. I am so happy with the friends in my life right now. My friends that I've made from uni are people who I confide in, who I laugh with, who I ***** with (lol).

    My birthday was in December when it was the holidays. Obviously, I understood that they wouldn't be able to make it down for my birthday. I spend my 20th birthday at home doing nothing. I ate a McDonalds by myself, that was nice I guess???? I was looking forward to a birthday cake but apparently I'm too old for that (according to parents).

    When it's the holiday season, things get pretty lonely for me. All my uni friends go back to their home and I'm just stuck at home with family. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with family, but not all the time. Friends from school and sixth form come home at this point, but idk, I don't feel like they're proper friends. I don't see them how I see my uni friends. Also, they're busy catching up with their family from being away from home

    My uni friends, being the darlings they are, have discussed plans with me to have a mini birthday bash. They want me to go to theirs on a Friday and chill with them for the weekend. We'd celebrate my birthday together, not in a reckless way, but just be with each other and catch up from being away from each other for over a month.

    I asked my parents if it was cool for me to hang out with them at their house and my parents flat out said 'no'. I asked why and they said:
    "you don't know what they're like. these uni kids are out there doing drugs, drinking. you don't know the pressures they will put you under. i'm sorry but no. if it was a meal, that's fine. but staying over? you are not a child, sleeping over at friends house."
    These are my friends. I would consider myself a sensible person. I pick friends carefully. My friends are not drug users. Yes, they drink, but they don't get ****faced in their own house. Their intent was just to have a girls night in and just hang out. My parents are making out like uni students living away from home are terrible people.
    I'm annoyed that they think that "sleeping over is for children". I remember when I was younger, my school friend invited me for a sleep over. My parents said no. I've never stayed over at a friends house.

    I don't know what to say to my friends. I'm going to feel so bad saying that I can't go. I don't want to tell them the reason why. They will probably think I'm a loser. Let's be real, I am. I'm a loser living at my parents house.

    I'm going to have to respect my parents decision on this matter. I am living under their house rent-free. They provide a lot for me, financially. I can't go against those wishes.

    I'm just really sad. Idk, I need a place to vent.
    I can bet with certainty that you're either Pakistani or Bengali (or less certainly Indian).
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by kprime2)
    I can bet with certainty that you're either Pakistani or Bengali (or less certainly Indian).
    Well this is awkward. I'm white.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well this is awkward. I'm white.
    I refuse to believe that.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by kprime2)
    I refuse to believe that.
    I'm looking at the colour of my hands as I type, and I can confirm that I am indeed a white person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm looking at the colour of my hands as I type, and I can confirm that I am indeed a white person.
    very rare situation for people of your ethnicity
 
 
 
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