I can't resist threads about introversion/extroversion (I recommend the book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain to all introverts or to the extroverts who wonder what is up with us).
A couple of points:
1) introverted ≠ shy.
2) extroverted ≠ confident
3) You often get shy extroverts and confident introverts. Crazy, I know, but hear me out!
- All that 'extroverted' means is that you draw energy from social interactions. After a tough day at work extroverts don't want to sit alone in a boring room. They can't wait to hang out with a large group and blow off some steam, probably in a busy environment like a bar or club. This is because the nervous system craves extra stimulation.
- All that 'introverted' means is you gain more energy from periods of quiet reflection. After the same tough day, the idea of a big group exhausts them. They'd MUCH rather chill out alone, or with a couple of close friends/family, in a quiet, calm environment. Apparently this is due to the nervous system being more easily stimulated.
- Confidence is unrelated to intro/extroversion. You can be totally confident in your abilities, able to speak to different people and voice your opinions without fear and believe in yourself fully. But at the end of the day, you hate the idea of a party and you'd rather relax with a good book. You're a confident introvert.
-Shyness is also unrelated to extro/introversion. It just means a fear of social judgement. Those people questioning why some extroverted girls don't ask men out? It could just be that although she loves to relax by spending time in big groups, busy bars/clubs, she fears the negative judgement of others if she asks you out and is rejected (in our culture the expected roles of men/women have a definite part to play in this). Barbara Streisand (who got severe stage fright) is an example of a shy extrovert.
-Introverted men ARE attractive to women. The famous Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice (who women the world over swoon about) is a classic example of an introvert. Actually, he is a shy introvert, the double whammy, which is why he comes across as so utterly awkward when Elizabeth first meets him at a party. He doesn't boast about his good qualities but these become apparent over time as Elizabeth completely falls for him.
Do introverts/extroverts mix well romantically? I am an introvert and my longest relationship (8 years) was with an extrovert. It was a complete opposites attract situation and very intense at first. I loved his funny, outgoing energy, he found me calming and a bit mysterious at first I think. Over time, as we moved in together, however, it became very stressful. He really couldn't understand why I'd rather stay in with a book/film than go to a party. I always wanted to go home from the pub before him. And so on. I think other couples do make it work, but you have to be very understanding of the differences.
I have recently been dating another introvert and I find spending time with him so much more relaxing. We understand each other a lot more and don't have to explain our little quirks. From the outside I think we must seem like boring couch potatoes, but we get each other. It's really nice!